Let me tell you something that may just change your life – in Asian countries (or at least all the ones I have visited), there exists something so ground breaking and heavenly, that on first hearing this you probably won’t believe your ears…I’m talking of course, about – McDonalds Home Delivery…or as the cool kids call it: McDelivery.
I’ll just let that soak in for a minute or three…
I mean, come on! Starting off the day eating a Sausage McMuffin, in the comfort of your own home, whilst in your underpants…well in my book that is beginning the day’s proceedings like a king! The only issue? Erm…obviously you have to navigate the delivery from your phone – in a different language, which is, shall we say – a bit of a nightmare to say the least!
So this morning I was out of milk, and was up early after a horrendous night of lying in the same spot for several hours (you probably refer to it as sleep, but I don’t get much of that unfortunately!) Anyway, I decided to drag myself along to McDonalds for a pick me up – by the way, YES, I do know that fast food is bad for you and blah blah blah; but I am not one to be embarrassed about something I enjoy, especially something that fucking delicious…who cares if other people disapprove? After all my version of heaven would involve a cheesy, greasy, Sausage McMuffin in some way, so why not embrace this?
Oh my God. Now I can’t stop thinking about them…that’s your fault reader…please send me one by way of apology, cheers!
Seriously I am getting so side tracked by this McMorning talk…where was I?…err…ah, yes! So I burst in there with my usual zeal of enthusiasm every time unhealthy food is involved, and used my poor grasp of Korean to order what I wanted…DISCLAIMER: DON’T JUDGE…which was two Sausage McMuffin combo sets (I’m a growing boy leave me alone!!!!) Anyway, for some reason he told me that the Egg McMuffin was cheaper – I would have told him that the Egg McMuffin is fucking revolting, and that I wouldn’t even feed it to my worst enemy – but I don’t know how to say all of that, so instead I just said no, and made a I’m being sick gesture with my hands…he seemed freaked out, but at least he appeared to understand.
It was surprising then, when the tray was handed to me with three coffees, two Sausage McMuffins, and my sworn enemy the dreaded Egg McMuffin…I have a big appetite, but even this was a little much…but for some reason…I…just…started to walk away with it – I guess the HUGE hassle that would be explaining the mix up and getting a refund just didn’t seem worth it to me! So I sat down, and said nothing.
That’s when I saw a poor old lady, sitting by herself…she didn’t have any food or drink in front of her…instead, it appeared that she was using the free WIFI to watch the Korea vs Russia world cup match…smart lady for sure…
I always make an extra effort with the older generation in Korea, after all a lot of them seem to cling on to the old negative stereotype of the male foreigner as a boozy, lazy, sex crazed snake. Unfortunate, but true. So naturally, without much thought I walked over and placed it in front of her, and attempted to explain the situation – after the usual, NO, NO,NO! Yes please take it! NO, NO, I couldn’t! She eventually accepted it, and said thank you – I had done my good deed for the day, and I would expect my scout badge for helping the elderly sometime soon!
But alas, this positive feeling didn’t last for long…as soon as I opened up my second sandwich she darted up and walked over to the cash register to give the guy hell – I barely understood a word, but her crazed tone made my ears turn a bright red (I didn’t have a mirror or anything, I just knew)…after some deliberation she was granted a refund, and proceeded to march proudly over to my table.
“I am do!” she announced, with a confident swagger; before returning to her seat to watch what was left of the game.
I suppose one good turn deserves another – but this left me feeling like a hindrance more than anything! After I left I tried to find some blind people at the road side, who may need help across the road…I thought it might restore that positive energy I had enjoyed a glimmer of…
However I was only able to find a man wearing sunglasses, close enough I thought – but he had mixed feelings about me trying to yank him across the road…there’s always tomorrow I guess…
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John Lee Taggart 
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