Teacher Man.

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With great power comes great responsibility…aka you most definitely need coffee to see you through the day.

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Please Wolverine…don’t stamp on my head.

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“Don’t stamp on my head.”

That’s probably something you’d expect people to automatically know not to do, it’s a given, it’s dangerous – and will probably leave you dead or with some kind of disability – so consequently it is not a thing most of us, as civilized human beings, get in the habit of doing…no matter how much fun WWE wrestlers make it look…

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Sour sweets = hilariously bizarre faces!

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“Accidental” offensiveness.

So here is yet another lesson's work from my star middle school pupil...he CLAIMS this is his thumb...but, well...it isn't, let's be honest.
So here is yet another lesson’s work from my star middle school pupil…he CLAIMS this is his thumb…but, well…it isn’t, let’s be honest.

Would you buy a phone from this guy?

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Poo is funny.

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I think you have to be a certain type of person to be a teacher…you have to be supportive, empathetic, motivated AND motivational – actually I’m sure the list of adjectives could go on forever, but I won’t bore you with that. All I’ll say is that when it comes to teaching kindergarten, there is really just one thing you need…one belief that will see you through the day with great success – you can’t exactly put it on your resume as a skill, but it will no doubt make you an automatic success with your class. You must completely and wholeheartedly believe that poo is funny.

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Kindergarten Cutie vs. Teen Psycho.

Kindergarten Cutie vs. Middle School Psychopath.

Seriously…what happens in those years between kindergarten and middle school? The top picture is a lovely note I was given from one of my younger students, the bottom one is yet another crazed piece of work from a young teen I teach in the afternoon. Bizarre!

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Scrotum Stares

Hungary – Budapest ~ 2005

If you ever venture to Eastern Europe, then be prepared for one thing – the stares. They’re wonderful places, and they’re filled with just as wonderful people (I’m sure), but it seems, that wherever you go, the total sum of its inhabitants can’t help but stare you down with a look that says “I’m seriously going to murder you and harvest your organs”. But you know…different cultures, one love, live and let live. All that jazz.

Ermmm. Moving swiftly on!

Anyway, I’ve visited the city of Budapest, in Hungary, a couple of times – and apart from the vicious murderous stares that I’ve just mentioned, I find it to be a beautiful and culturally rich place, what with the elaborate architecture and historic monuments, I would probably recommend it to any would-be tourist! That is, if it wasn’t for the scrotums. You see no trip to Budapest is complete without a visit to the Turkish bath spas…

“You just have to try them! (People will tell you!) You’ll feel so relaxed and it will just melt away your stress!”

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Well you know what people? Call me a prude if you like, but there is something about a large group of naked 80 year men staring at me while I shower that makes me uncomfortable…maybe it’s the fact that they’re licking their lips? Maybe it’s the fact that their testicles are hanging down to their knees? Who knows…but hey, it didn’t do much for relieving my stress…even when they massaged my shoulders without me giving consent. I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful or anything,  but the whispering in my ear was a bit much.

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Ann the Famous and John the Unknown

Ann the Famous and John the Unknown

A tale of woe with no real moral or meaning.

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The Truth about Dog Cafés…

Unbelievably I have already been in South Korea for eleven months, and I have only just experienced their fabled “dog cafés” this weekend! The reason for the wait you wonder? A mixture of inadvertent racism and unintentional ignorance I’m afraid! You see…when I was in China, a couple of years ago, I found that the dog café scene was distinctly different – namely that man’s best friend was served to you in a stew, in the middle of the table, with rice, and a beer. To answer your question, yes I do still have nightmares.

Dog Cafe GIF

But, more about that another time…

Anyway, so when it was suggested to me in Korea, I was dead set against it! Well, as it turns out, the Korean counterpart is somewhat different…it’s just a café with dogs, that you can pet as you drink your hot chocolate! (Oh, and yeah – the dogs are alive, which is a fantastic feature!) So yes, I was pleased – as it certainly posed less of a moral dilemma this time around…it was “hmmm, coffee or tea?” rather than “hmmm…eat some dog stew or go hungry tonight?”

I must say the whole thing was an interesting novelty; sitting with an americano while a couple of dogs lie lovingly in your lap! However, I wouldn’t suggest it for a first date…I can only imagine that a dog taking a shit on your table might turn the romance levels down to approximately -10, or that a dog pissing on your jeans might kill off any of your chances of a second meeting. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. Erm…

Naturally I feel like a bit of lunatic  now, as I recall screaming at some friends who asked me to accompany them to the same place a few months ago, “NO! I HAVE BEEN ONCE BEFORE IN CHINA AND THAT WAS QUITE ENOUGH – I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD GO?! WHO ARE YOU? YOU MAKE ME SIIIIIICK!” And all they were doing was going to drink a cup of tea and pet some animals. The word “cringe” doesn’t quite cover it.

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At any rate, I will be returning as it was definitely a lot of fun; I just hope next time around the sausage dog doesn’t use my thigh in lieu of a girlfriend. That’s all I ask…

I’m off to take four showers, as I still feel dirty.

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Murder was the case…

Worrying...

And you thought Dexter was a work of fiction!

Continue reading “Murder was the case…”

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