Where Does The Time Go?

Something happened today – it was a seemingly every day, boring moment…but it seemed HUGE in its meaning somehow, actually, that is a colossal understatement…this realization shook my world by the shoulders and screamed ”WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IZZZZ THISSS?!”

You see, I was in my kindergarten class, when one of my kids started wiping their runny nose with a clean sleeve, naturally I intervened with a tissue, rather than watching them leave a crusty yellowish snail trail on their shirt (that would probably be rubbed off onto my jeans later, foresight ladies and gentlemen!);

“Big blow! Come on…wheeyyy, well done, feel better now? Good boy!”

WHOA. In that moment I was suddenly frozen still, slack jawed and wide eyed, as the whole world faded to a halt around me…where… had that came from? It was just a few short years ago that I was in that seat with snotty nostrils! Wasn’t it? Seriously what happened? When did this transition occur? I don’t remember my child-self tagging in the adult version…in fact I don’t feel any different right now, I feel like I am that same child with sky high dreams and a vibrant passion for life…it’s not my fault that a big fat adult shape grew over that boy, and suffocated him to death with arguments over education, debt and career prospects…

But I didn’t ask for this physical growth spurt. No one did…I am sure we would all like to stay in our protective child cocoon, where people blow your nose for you, hold your hand and tell you everything is alright. But the fact is, it isn’t going to be alright, no one gets out of this thing called life, alive.

It seems like you click your fingers and the next thing you know it’s a year later, five years later, ten years later, more! Indeed our wildest hopes and dreams may be limitless, but our time on this earth is most definitely limited, and the clock is ticking. I feel like…in fact, I know, that I will have a similar moment ten years from now, when I’m putting my own child to sleep…”Good night son, sleep well”WHOA, when did all of this happen?! And yet again I’ll pause and question time, space and the meaning of it all…well until I tune into my new favourite TV drama of course.

You see life just gradually rolls on, it doesn’t pause to check if we are okay, it doesn’t stop to pick us up when we fall, it just keeps going. This seems difficult for our brains to comprehend, so more often than not we ignore our worries and concerns until they pop up like an ugly hemorrhoid to remind of us of our morality, and it may squawk something like, “WAAAHHH, YOU’RE OLD! GET A NICE CAR AND IT’S BASICALLY LIKE THE LAST TEN YEARS DIDN’T HAPPEN!” But I think we all know that isn’t how it works.

If it is then get in touch, I would be ready to make that investment tomorrow.*

 

So I urge you to live in the moment, follow your passions and do what makes you happy. After all, you may snap out of a daze and realize a huge chunk of your life has just passed you by. I heard a lecture by a South Korean writer recently, who described how children do what makes them content in the moment and don’t possess that very adult worry of how long it will last or who else will see it and give it value, instead they pour their heart into creating the most fantastically wonderful sandcastle they can make and then shrug with a smile as the tide washes it away.

If only we could possess this mentality, if only we were not so obsessed with celebrity and legacy…after all, in a way we are all that sandcastle…we may build ourselves up and layer ourselves with the best decorations, but ultimately the tide of time will wash every one of us away too.

So tell me, when it’s all over, will you shrug with a smile as you enjoyed the time you had to the fullest? Or will you fade out as a blank…regretting those years that are now lost into the ether forever, the choice is yours. But listen, if there is a God I am sure he would want you to enjoy the gift of life…and if there isn’t, don’t you want to enjoy your life because it is all you get?

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So don’t let your childhood be “the happiest days of your life”…live so that every breath you take fits that bill.

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A-Z Of Our Lives…

A-Z of Life Pic

Here is a quick run down of the average person’s life…in the form of an A to Z…

A – ‘A’ is for alien; as we were all once part of this weird science fiction scene were we grew inside another person, took sustenance from all they ate until we were ready, and then thrust ourselves into this new and unknown galaxy…weird, right?

B – “B’ is for bare faced lies…as no one likes to admit that recently born babies look like red faced Popeyes that literally have no idea what the hell is going on, (probably because they don’t, obviously.)

C – ‘C’ is for cute…because, well, admittedly…most of us get there eventually, with our chubby bulldog cheeks and fat bootys (for some reason it’s okay for strangers to mention this – I mean, no wonder babies have low self-esteem…)

D – ‘D’ is for diahorrea…yeah, deal with it…because you know the kid isn’t going to.

E – ‘E’ is for expected, like “I expected it would be a good thing when he/she started talking – but now I have a never ending headache, and due to all the weird questions I get asked, I realize in fact I know nothing about this world at all!”

F – ‘F’ is for “I’ll flip you – heads – you have the birds and the bees talk, tails – I do it.”

G – ‘G’ is for grown-ups; and that moment as you are ‘growing up’ when you realize the entire concept isn’t even a real thing – everyone is just kinda wandering around doing things, and going places – hoping it will all work out in the end…

H – ‘H’ is for “how cool would it be if, rather than have to decide what we want to do, a random  long lost wealthy Uncle came out of nowhere and gave me a massive inheritance, so all I had to do was hang out with friends and eat things for the rest of my days!?”

I – ‘I’ is for “I actually have to work? Fuck, this is awful. I miss childhood already.”

J – ‘J’ is for “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST?! I HAVE TO PAY HOW MUCH IN TAXES?! CAN I JUST OPT OUT OF ALL THE STUFF THE TAX MONEY PROVIDES?!”

K – ‘K’ is for “Kids are the last thing on my mind – I want to get my career on the right path first…”

L – ‘L’ is for “look everyone – we’re pregnant – I couldn’t be happier, wooooo!” (Cries inside.)

M – ‘M’ is for “maybe if I just pretend I have everything under control people will believe me…okay…I’ll join a yoga class…and a…book club…that’s what real grown-ups do, right?

N – ‘N’ is for “never in a million years did I think I would go jogging and basically cut out all  unhealthy food…apparently I’ll die twenty years earlier if I don’t…but…err…cake…just one slice won’t change anything…”

O – ‘O’ is for “Oh, God! Why are you so cruel? I thought we agreed I would be the hip and trendy parent? But apparently using the words ‘hip and trendy’ in the first place makes me unfathomably embarrassing to my kids…what has happened to me?! Is this punishment for me wearing Crocs that one summer?”

P – ‘P’ is for “Phew, I can’t wait till they leave home – they have taken everything I once had, my money, my youth, my passions, they’ve left me a hollow burnt out husk. Maybe…just maybe…I can return to my early 20s once they’re gone…”

Q – ‘Q’ is for “question – how old do I have to be before I get one of those cool mobility scooters? No…I don’t need one…I just want one…fine, I’ll come back in ten years…”

R – ‘R’ is for railing…as eventually you find yourself needing to use that railing on the stairs…and forcing out an “AHH-FF” with every step…“AHH-FF”, “AHH-FF”, “AHH-FF”…”should have taken the elevator.”

S – ‘S’ is for spending time with your Grandchildren – and delighting in being loved for spoiling them, aka annoying their parents by giving them everything you know they’re not allowed ordinarily!

T – ‘T’ is for “too many daytime dramas, not enough time!”

U – ‘U’ is for understand “I don’t understand the kids of today…and I don’t fucking want to!”

V – ‘V’ is for Viagra…or “very limp penis.” Your choice.

W – ‘W’ is for “well at least I can get away with saying just about whatever I like…”

X – ‘X’ is for xylophone…like, “why does it feel like some horrible bastard is playing the xylophone all over my body…but instead of little sticks they are playing it with baseball bats? Argh! My back…Argh! My knees…Argh! The inside of my eyeball itches…God, I am so over this life.”

Y – ‘Y’ is for, “YOU YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPERS! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY DAY SO I AM GOING TO TAKE STRANGE JOY IN RUINING YOURS, GIMMME THAT BALL! I’LL TRADE YOU THIS FOR A VIAL OF YOUR YOUTHFUL BLOOD! COME ON HAND IT OVER! I NEED IT MORE THAN YOU! I’M DYYYYYYING!”

Z – ‘Z’ is for zwieback…which is (apparently) a slice of sweet raised bread that is baked until it is hard and crispy…okay fine, I didn’t have anything for ‘Z’…but hopefully your life was, errr, sweet…and not too hard.

Scratch that, that’s shit…instead hopefully you are riding a flying zebra in the afterlife…wow, yeah – that sounds good, can’t wait for that one actually…that’s a great way to end things!

Of course I am just joking around…there is much more to life than this…but life is short; so get out there, and fill your pages with love, happiness and terrific memories…I mean, it’s not like you get a re-write!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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