The Offensive Nature of Being Offended

Have you ever being offended by something? I’m certain you have…but what happened exactly? What did someone say to rile you up so badly? What was it that they did that struck a nerve, and had you seeing red?

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Perhaps you looked something like this.

I’d guess there was something personal and dear to you – that a person took upon themselves to disrespect and desecrate…and you consequently felt a certain type of way about it, or “massively pissed off” as it is also sometimes known…

In fact I am sure there are many situations that would personally have you raging…but for the sake of an example here is one (hypothetical) scenario that should be a one size fits all…are you ready? Okay then…

…so let’s just imagine I grope your (INSERT LOVED ONE)’s behind, before pushing him/her down a steep hill whilst strapped into a wheelchair with no brakes…then I get all up in your face, even though I haven’t brushed my teeth in ages, and block your way whilst shouting something like;

“…your (INSERT LOVED ONE) is so stupid that he/she eats urinal cakes from public bathrooms on a daily basis as a treat, and the weird thing is he/she actually likes the taste because his/her taste-buds are all fucked up from years ,and years, and years of drinking nothing but bleach because he/she fell in love with Mr. Muscle one hazy drunken night way back when, and wanted to be really clean for him…” 

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Well, how would you feel? (After you ran down the hill to stop your (INSERT LOVED ONE) from colliding with traffic, of course!)

…probably a smidge annoyed I’d reckon. Well sure, it’s perfectly natural – I have just came at you directly with an unbridled level of offense, not only through insults, but most importantly actual physical danger to a person you cherish above all others. Now you want to wring my neck, and/or stomp on my head for hours – or at least until you get too sweaty and have to go home to take a shower. And hey, that’s totally normal! I mean you’re going to prison, sure…but it was a typical reaction, so for now; relax and enjoy the soothing memory!

The problem I have is not with that, but that the meaning of being “offended”, has been bludgeoned into a whole different shape, and now represents a completely foreign paradigm.  Where it was once something reserved for tarring the most unthinkable actions, it’s now usually just people sitting at home voicing their personal opinion on something…it’s not being “offended” at all – simply put it’s just not liking something! Except that doesn’t sound dramatically charged enough, and won’t catch anyone’s attention on or offline…“offended” however, oh yes! That’s the secret password in this day and age! Being offended will have everyone looking! Let’s go with that!

And for some reason…we do listen – primarily because we are given no choice in the matter. Just think about all of those times we hear news stories of how many letters of complaints certain TV programmes receive, as if it even matters…and then inevitably the media proceeds to blow it up to an insane proportion and ultimately someone has to pretend they’re sorry and make a public apology. I mean, it’s just absolute lunacy of the highest order to think that people’s personal opinions are being reported as actual news, rather than say – breaking news storiesyou know, commentary on horrendous wars our governments have embroiled us in, updates on some terrifying natural disaster, or even a feel-good piece about a really friendly donkey who thinks he’s a dog…stuff like that, quality actual-actual news…but no, what do we hear instead? A whole segment of tedious spiel from a sub-group of a sub-group about how horrified they personally were by an episode of South Park, or Nicki Minaj’s ass, or whatever the hell else they have decided to take issue with at any given time.

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GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Side note: it’s clearly asking way too much for people to just not watch something if they don’t like it, and instead change the channel to something they do – that would obviously be way too exhausting.

Personal taste should be just that; personal. But that’s not the world we live in anymore, instead these windbags rant and rave, because other people (aka the majority) disagree with their own preferences – so it’s all, you don’t think the same as me so you’re therefore wrong! That kind of schtick. So all of these people are branded ignorant of course, and it’s only the offended minority who are seen to be thinking correctly – after all, they’re special little snowflakes and the entire world revolves around them, don’t forget that! That’s why millions can love something, but a few hundred can pen letters and they get all the power. I mean why else would that happen? (COUGH COUGH, BULLSHIT SENSATIONALIST MEDIA!)

To be more specific, in the case of comedy  these so called offended people are normally too bloody dull to even understand the joke or comedian they have taken a disliking to – normally because they can only see the humour on one level…and because of this they easily miss the deep-rooted layered meaning that the act was trying to make. More often than not this is pointing out societal and cultural flaws that can be found in our everyday lives…and by taking on these roles in a dramatically exaggerated manner it pushes it from the shadows and into the forefront, basically saying something like: “see how fucked up this shit is? This is our every day truth – and it’s messed up, let’s try and not make these mistakes.” 

In no way is the comedian instructing people to be racist, sexist, or anything else. (And if they are they don’t get my vote, may I suggest a shotgun rather than a complaint letter next time? Thanks.) 

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…I have spoken. Please no letters about me though, I’m not a fan of those. 

Anyway, I’ll close with these words from an ever so slightly greater mind than myself; Stephen Fry:

“It’s now very common to hear people say, ‘I’m rather offended by that.’ As if that gives them certain rights. It’s actually nothing more… than a whine. ‘I find that offensive.’ It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. ‘I am offended by that.’ Well, so fucking what?”

Couldn’t have said it better myself – which is why I let him do the talking! But what do you think? Is there anything that should be off limits? Let me know, I’f love to hear your opinion!

p.s. if your opinion doesn’t match with mine, then you are wrong. Simple as that. 

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When MERS Attacks!

My boss sent me a rather rushed message last night regarding my work for the next day, the gist of which was; no school tomorrow. Please stay home. 

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This is because South Korea is on high alert at the moment, especially in my close area, due to the recent outbreak of the MERS virus*This is pronounced like “Merris” for some reason, which to me sounds like a sweet old grandmother who bakes cakes, and sucks on extra strong mints in her spare time – but the reality couldn’t be further from that. It’s actually pretty serious, or at least that’s what I’ve been told…

Little is known about it other than that it is thought to have started in Saudi Arabia…possibly something to do with camels. Never did like camels – all that spitting always struck me as insanitary. I’m not quite sure how it all works, but I imagine the camel spat in someone’s eye, and then that guy licked someone, and so on, and so on…in time the camel had enough of being judged so took a flight to Korea, naturally one thing led to another and now…MERS virus panic in SK!

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What does that mean for me? Well, I am forced to have the day off (BOOO HOOO, I’m crying a river over that one), and when I go out I am recommended to wear a face mask in case someone sneezes directly into my mouth at some point. It makes me look like a bit of a ninja, especially with sunglasses it just feels like a rather shit halloween costume…so I’m opting out of that. Instead I’ll just try my best not to kiss any camels should they start to flirt with me.

Wish me luck… 

*Jokes aside, here is a link to a more credible source for information regarding the MERS virus, should go without saying that I urge everyone in the proximity to be careful – and should you spot any symptoms seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY. 

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Wiz Khalifa (Honesty)

So there is some news out… if you can call it news, actually I don’t think anyone calls TMZ news – just new fictional stories spun into almost believable headlines. But anyway, yeah; there is a story flying around that (SHOCK, HORROR!) a rapper by the name of Wiz Khalifa has cheated on his wife, Amber Rose. Naturally this is everyone else’s business, and until there are facts from both camps we are just forced to listen to any wild theory that a random person may pluck from the air any given day…Wiz Khalifa insisted on bathing in gravy every day, Amber Rose would only let Wiz wear bacon in the house, Wiz refused to talk in English with her – instead creating his own impossibly intricate language which made communication impossible….and the list goes on, well my imagination goes on – which is basically the same thing when it comes to celebrity gossip news nowadays.

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It seems that there was cheating…possibly on both sides, but maybe not – he was on tour, and was all “what happens on tour, stays on tour!” but then forgot, and decided to have sex with two biological twins in the master bedroom…Amber had mixed feelings about this when she walked in on the display. Which I kinda get…

I must say I am not obsessed with celebrity culture, actually I largely abhor it…I do think that special people, who do good, or achieve amazing things should be celebrated, and consequently should become a celebrity. But that is not how it works…most of the people I admire shy away from such a side of the lime-light, and continue to impress me with what they do…not with their Miley Cyrus’ scandal, or Justin Bieber styled controversy. Instead, what I am trying to highlight is something quite stupid that has irked me for some years…I would love an answer if anyone has it…okay here it goes ~

Rappers want to be considered real, right? …we are supposed to believe what they say is fact – which is often difficult, as we wonder how a person has time to move 1,000KG of cocaine between all of the tailored fittings, press conferences, and radio guest spots…but I digress. So if we are to believe what they say as truth…and a rapper is talking about how many groupies he…you know…then how can their spouses be mad? They kind of signed up for that…is this not a huge paradox?!! Or am I missing the point here?! This is how I picture the inevitable arguments between the rapper, and his wife:

“You said you listened to my new song!? You said you liked it!”

“I did like it, I loved it! But that doesn’t change the fact you LIED TO ME!”

“WHOAAAT?! You are INSANE – in the song, I talked about all the bitches I fu-“

“SO?!”

“So I thought that meant I had the go ahead…did you really listen to the song? YOU DIDN’T DID YOU?!”

“I…I…I did.”

“THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?! I AM ONLY DOING WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO! IN FACT I DIDN’T WANT TO, I REALLY WANTED TO JUST SIT AND WATCH TOY STORY – BUT I FELT PRESSURED BY YOU TO BE REAL…SO I…WELL I JUST DID IT.”

“Wait..ah, that makes sense actually – good job, proud of you honey.”

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Case in point guys, this is from Wiz’s new album, taken from a track called The Sleaze: “My job is sleazy, it’s way too easy, Just got the newest thang, get it with ease, hopped up out the bed, did it with sleaze.” The man may be lots of things, but he is not dishonest – in a genre filled with fake thugs, false gangsters, and lots more…he stands as a guardian of all that is truthful. He is a dirty, cheating scumbag sure, but he says it in every song – so no biggie…right? Like I say I would love to go to Egypt,  and see the pyramids, okay? So it wouldn’t be a shock if, maybe a year later – you read a story of mine talking about the time I visited Egypt, and saw the pyramids. Yeah?

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND…ARGHHHH, ANSWERS PLEASE.

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