Lottery Wins…

Like most people I often dream of a lottery win…I romanticise the notion of a sudden influx of money and then think of where I would go, what I would do, and in most cases what I wouldn’t do: such as fly economy and mingle with the filthy peasants outside of my large manor gates. Just joking, they can come in but they better not make eye contact…or else it’s the hounds for them.

Anyway it’s a somewhat trivial and silly way to pass the time, but a fun one nonetheless. There’s something freeing about being able to dream, something child-like about the range of possibilities and the boundaries of realism which you can push past. There’s not enough of that these days I find, it’s all super serious – rather than nodding and furthering your dreams people are all: “oh nooo, you can’t do that! Come on now, get real! John pull your pants up, you’re in a fucking supermarket after all!” It’s ridiculous, it really is.  Just let me live, let me be.

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So as I sipped the finest ale (whichever one had the funniest name), from the finest establishment in all of Sunderland (admittedly a low bar) I allowed my mind to wander into the world of life-long holidays, happy smiles, and real differences to the population at large. My best friends and I wouldn’t have to work another day in our lives – apart from that which made us happy of course – we would go from place to place, we would meet with people from all different places, and would never have a care in the world. I’d also find the cure to cancer, and think up some way to eat as much Doritos as you want but still have washboard abs. It would be fucking fantastic. 

As I go through personal struggles and torment, it is brief stupid times like this spent with my nearest and dearest which make all the difference. As much as it is dreaming about a life so alien to your own, it also helps you remember what you do have, and how special that really is.

With that said I should probably start putting on the lottery if I really want to win it. I know I have as much chance of winning as Donald Trump does this presidential election…but…he may actually…hmm…got any lucky numbers?

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Drunk Sign Language

On another seemingly normal day I ran into a new friend…sort of…well, a random stranger who had a rather urgent message for me in an unknown version of sign language. I have actually no idea what was going on – but it takes all sorts to make this weird and wonderful world, right?

Still haven’t got the foggiest clue what was going on…

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Effects of Coffee

Just completed a new scientific study on the effect of coffee on teachers…the results were highly positive…

Coffee

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!