I think you have to be a certain type of person to be a teacher…you have to be supportive, empathetic, motivated AND motivational – actually I’m sure the list of adjectives could go on forever, but I won’t bore you with that. All I’ll say is that when it comes to teaching kindergarten, there is really just one thing you need…one belief that will see you through the day with great success – you can’t exactly put it on your resume as a skill, but it will no doubt make you an automatic success with your class. You must completely and wholeheartedly believe that poo is funny.
You see, to kindergarten children , poo is a blessing from the comedic Gods – it can slot into any sentence at near random, turning it from average and boring to side-splittingly funny. And trust me, if you’re a kindergarten teacher and you don’t get on board the poo train, your day will be extremely tedious (at first) and will then gravitate toward a Hulk-smash level of annoyance just as your morning coffee starts to lose its effect.
Let’s have a look at a regular conversation you could have with a young child:
Adult Human:Â Well hello there! What did you do this weekend?
Small Human:Â Hello! I went to my Grandmother’s house!
Adult Human:Â That sounds lovely!
Small Human:Â It really was.
(Please note that there is no reference to poo whatsoever.)
Now let’s have a look at what an actual conversation with a young child sounds like:
Adult Human:Â Well hello there! What did you do this weekend?
Small Human:Â Hello! I went to a poo house!
Adult Human:Â That doesn’t sound nice at all!
Small Human:Â It was made of poo.
(Please note the constant reference to poo throughout.)
Now I understand that this is controversial and bizarre advice, but believe me, it is something you have to come to terms with. Just last week my class were doing a crossword on sports, and five minutes in there were wild shrieks and hula dances as they found an accidental “P O O” in there somewhere, seriously someone at that publishing should lose their job for that error. Immediately after it was found there was a constant stream of; “HAHAHA BASEBALL POOP!” “NO NO NO, SOCCER POOP!” “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT…BASKETBALL POOP!”
It’s safe to say they lost their shit…no pun intended.
So guys, if you want to relate and share a level of understanding with younger children – make your peace with it…poo is VERY funny (apparently), and there’s no way you can ever tell them otherwise.
Yours poofully,
Mr. Poo head.
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John Lee Taggart 
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