Please Wolverine…don’t stamp on my head.


“Don’t stamp on my head.”

That’s probably something you’d expect people to automatically know not to do, it’s a given, it’s dangerous – and will probably leave you dead or with some kind of disability – so consequently it is not a thing most of us, as civilized human beings, get in the habit of doing…no matter how much fun WWE wrestlers make it look…

But for some reason on Friday I had to explain, in full, why we shouldn’t try this kind of thing out! Granted I was dealing with kindergarten kids…but still. You see the thing is, there is a new X-Men­ film out, and as a result my kids are going absolutely CRAZY…I love to see passion in their young minds but not at the cost of my own. Just a side note – the new X-Men film is fucking amazing, so yeah…they have a right to be excited I suppose.

Anyway…here is how the conversation went with one of my kids, who decided that stomping on my head repeatedly was a fun for all the family kinda activity:


“Look, I know you we were all having fun playing X-Men and all – but you can’t stamp on people’s heads, okay? You just can’t.”


“Because you could literally kill them, You could crush their brain! So it is very dangerous.”


“Yes, I’m afraid so, so that is why we have to be careful – okay?”

“Hmm. That’s alright.”

“It’s not! Why would it be alright?”

“They’ll come back the next time.”

Now I feel like they have me confused with the real life Wolverine, who can withstand any kind of horror and will simply rebuild and repair the damaged tissue…so as a result nothing is off limits. Actually, that day I had someone try and “help me wash my face”, but they didn’t even use water…so it was more like “I’m going to shove soap into your eyeballs and see how loud you scream”, I then had someone pretend they were a rhino, which translates roughly to “I am going to use my skull as a battering ram to ensure you will never have your own children.”


Meh. Whatever, it’s the weekend. I am off to watch X-Men: Days of Future Past for a second time to forget my woes – no doubt at this very moment they are all thinking up new ways to torture me. But that’ll be Monday, best to not think about it.

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5 Replies to “Please Wolverine…don’t stamp on my head.”

  1. Sounds like you have a lot of patience! I guess I’ve run out of that kind of patience, moved into a new kind, with my kids 18 & 19 now. Exhausting!


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