Sex-O-Phone

It’s very common-place for a foreigner in Korea to be stopped, and chatted to by perfect strangers. After all there are many English learners, and even more individuals who are simply curious! And none are more curious than the elderly in Korea! Believe me!

To be honest because of this it’s actually pretty challenging to go anywhere on the subway and not find yourself in a conversation with a friendly wrinkly soul – well less of a conversation, and more just you sitting there as they reel off some of their pre-prepared English phrases or questions…some foreigners here find it very annoying, personally I think it’s cute, and endearing – so I always talk back…despite it often being a tale straight from Boresville…

Bless their hearts. 

Sometimes it’s hard not to laugh though. Like once I had an old lady sit down with me, and she was instantly all smiles…so I returned the favor on cue, but could still feel the familiar redness flooding into my cheeks. “Awwww, Disney! Disney!” she chirped, massaging her own cheeks, while grinning broadly. I nodded and attempted a little nervous chuckle, as she disregarded my embarrassment and began to chat away eagerly…asking me my name, where I’m from, why I’m here, blood type…the usual introduction stuff…

“I play with sex-phone!” she announced randomly…

“Excu…excuse me?!” I asked, wondering if I had misheard or something…

“I play sex phone…with my husband, we play it…”

She smirked cheekily, and I swear she winked (maybe that was just in my head – BUT NO SHE DID IT, IT HAPPENED!) – anyway I wasn’t really sure what to say after the announcement, I mean good for her and her husband…but why is she telling me? No idea, so I just smiled back…and said something like, “errr that’s great…” The truth was there were now all kinds of weird images in my head, none which I particularly wanted…

As you can probably imagine it was an awkward few seconds after that, for me not so much for her – all I could do was squirm in my chair, pretend to read the subway map and wish that my journey would end soon…

It was then that she broke the silence…by suddenly making a “DOOOO-DOOOOO!” sound, whilst holding up her two hands as if playing a saxophone! “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!” Suddenly it dawned on me…and everything was clear. Thankfully. 

I’m a little slow sometimes, but get it eventually.

“I love the sex-phone! Well, bye!” she beamed – and with that she rose, and left, leaving me feeling rather silly indeed, still red with humiliation.

I truly hope she has fun with her husband – long may they play the saxophone together. And if they really want…the other thing…not my place to judge…but you know, don’t need to hear about it on a Monday morning subway ride…cheers in advance. 

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