Death by Poop (냉방병)

Other than to crawl to work and hope for the best (I have no choice!), it is advisable I don’t leave my bed…so I thought I’d shoot a video just so I have something to do while I lie here regretting my life choices. 

You can read more about the madness here...if you enjoy grim tales.

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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When MERS Attacks!

My boss sent me a rather rushed message last night regarding my work for the next day, the gist of which was; no school tomorrow. Please stay home. 

Sounds Good GIF

This is because South Korea is on high alert at the moment, especially in my close area, due to the recent outbreak of the MERS virus*This is pronounced like “Merris” for some reason, which to me sounds like a sweet old grandmother who bakes cakes, and sucks on extra strong mints in her spare time – but the reality couldn’t be further from that. It’s actually pretty serious, or at least that’s what I’ve been told…

Little is known about it other than that it is thought to have started in Saudi Arabia…possibly something to do with camels. Never did like camels – all that spitting always struck me as insanitary. I’m not quite sure how it all works, but I imagine the camel spat in someone’s eye, and then that guy licked someone, and so on, and so on…in time the camel had enough of being judged so took a flight to Korea, naturally one thing led to another and now…MERS virus panic in SK!

Freaking Out GIF

What does that mean for me? Well, I am forced to have the day off (BOOO HOOO, I’m crying a river over that one), and when I go out I am recommended to wear a face mask in case someone sneezes directly into my mouth at some point. It makes me look like a bit of a ninja, especially with sunglasses it just feels like a rather shit halloween costume…so I’m opting out of that. Instead I’ll just try my best not to kiss any camels should they start to flirt with me.

Wish me luck… 

*Jokes aside, here is a link to a more credible source for information regarding the MERS virus, should go without saying that I urge everyone in the proximity to be careful – and should you spot any symptoms seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY. 

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Genius on the Subway!

As we all probably know…it’s often a challenge to get a seat on the subway, especially at rush hour! But this young genius had the answer…

Subway Seat

Spotted somewhere near Seoul – proven way to be guaranteed a seat! Brilliant!

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Umbrella Please!

I should probably preface this by pointing out that (in my experience) Koreans are an amiable, friendly, and warm-hearted lot! But naturally there’s always the bad apples…and I met one on Saturday night…

The setting was central Itaewon, it’s a very ‘foreigner-friendly’ place, which isn’t particularly my bag – but I was out with friends, and we were heading to the next place in high spirits…it was then that we were stopped by a kind looking middle aged Korean lady, who looked rather unassuming, and normal…if there is such a look. Anyway, she was stroking my friends arm, and speaking in a soothing voice, what exactly I am unsure. But after a few awkward moments we started to walk away, and that is when all hell broke loose. That was when I definitely knew what she was saying…

“SHEEE-BAL! SHEEE-BAL! KAAAAYSECKY! SHEEE-BALLL!”

(“Fuck off! Fuck off! CUNT! FUCK OFFFF!”)

Nod Emma GIF

Yes, I know the swear words better than than the language itself, but let’s not focus on that issue! Let’s instead focus more on the fact that this stranger was suddenly spitting (literally) at us, for just carrying on our way. I actually didn’t know what to do – I don’t think anyone did who was there to behold the spectacle. She had just went from 0-100…from a sweet Minnie Mouse, to a mad spluttering Donald Duck. 

All I could do was try and dodge the spittle, because no matter how much I wished that I had an umbrella – I knew that wouldn’t make it suddenly appear.

KAAAAYSECKY! SHEEE-BALLL! KAAAYYYSECCCCCKY!” 

Her eyes were flooded with violence, as she wagged her arms like mad hate-filled propellers in our general direction. We stared in disbelief, and then just shrugged, and turned away…hoping she wouldn’t follow us further to give us an earful! Thankfully she didn’t – I’m assuming she must have met another unsuspecting group, and started the whole mad conversation all over again.

Single life, huh? Fun times. 

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I’m Kim Yuna!

The kids always ask me what my Korean name is – and so I always wind them up by saying it’s Olympic gold medalist “Kim Yuna”…they get freaked out, and I act all surprised as to what the problem is…

“WHY?! Huh?! What do you mean?! My name is Kim Yuna!”

…well yeah, suppose I should have expected this little portrait of myself! 

Kim Yuna

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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