Tag: language

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Drunk Sign Language

On another seemingly normal day I ran into a new friend…sort of…well, a random stranger who had a rather urgent message for me in an unknown version of sign language. I have actually no idea what was going on – but it takes all sorts to make this weird and wonderful world, right?

Still haven’t got the foggiest clue what was going on…

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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Unpretty Cheater with Brother!

You may or may not know, that there is a new hit talent show in South Korea named ‘Unpretty Rapstar’…it’s an interesting concept as (I assume) it centers more on talent, and less on looks – which is somewhat of a big deal in a country that’s so focused on the importance of physical beauty.

The girls still look attractive to me, but never mind…

CHeetah GIF

Anyway in one of my tutor classes last week, my 13 year old student brought it up – and I was over the moon that for once I understood the Korean pop culture reference! We had a broken conversation about it for a little while…before his eyes lit up, and his arms begin to flap frenetically like a mad baby chick attempting to fly the nest! Clearly he had something to say, something urgent! 

“Myyy…myy…ARGH! MY…hmmm…” 

(There was obviously a violent joust going on inside of his head, as he attempted to force an English description out of his mouth! But what? No idea…but I knew one thing… it certainly seemed interesting…whatever it was…)

“ERRRR…BROTHER…OLDER…AAAAARGHHH!”

Harry Frustration GIF

“Your older brother? You mean, older friend?” 

“YES, YES! Older brother…with…together…AARRGHH!” 

He took to his phone, in search of further assistance – and within seconds pulled up a photo of the show…and then pointed out one in particular – to which I nodded; signifying I sort of recognise her…

“OLDER BROTHER…WITH…”

“Yes, YES?!” 

(I was clinging on to every single word!)

“CHEAAATER!”

Cheeetah GIF

“WHOA! Really?! Together…but cheated?”

“YES!!!”” he screeched, clearly happy with my overzealous reaction,

“Before…before show – with…now…CHEATER!”

I tried to hold my ooohs, and aaahs – my huge gasps of shock at the tabloid smut news! I had just received a major scoop – which is such a turn around; as for once I was one of the in-the-know people, rather than the last-to-know people! I didn’t really know what to say, or do…so I just shook my head, and kept saying something dumb like…“that’s crazy! How crazy! …that’s crazy!” 

“Yes! Crazy!” he repeated,

That’s when he ran another search, and placed his phone in my hands for a second time…yup, and there she was – the guilty party, still looking smug, and self-confident…unbelievable, the things fame does to people…jheez… 

But my excitable student wasn’t finished just yet, as he then pointed towards the text below the image…which read something like: ‘Unpretty Rapstar: Cheetah’…

(Ahem…yes, the penny had well, and truly dropped!)

Nodss GIF

“CRAZY, CRAZY! My older brother…with, no…SAW – Cheetah! On show!”

“Ahhhh, right. Wow…that’s…erm…mhmmm! That is…something…”

So yeah, it turns out that the true story was a lot less dramatic – and in reality it was all down to another rather typical misunderstanding…very sorry Cheetah…I’m sure you’re a lovely lady really, and not a cheater! Good luck with the show…

…AND STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHERS!!!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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HOT Kindergarten?!

Just a funny little tale…

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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Korean Language Learning

It’s going really well…

Grin

Okay John, FOCUS…FOCUS…

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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I’m Finnish

I’ve been asked to provide five possible short stories, which display language errors – for a Korean made English language book – I suppose the aim is to point out possible mistakes that could be made, so that English learners don’t have to make them personally! Anyway, I have to get them done by Sunday! Phew, that’s a lot of work! So yeah, rough and ready; here is the 3rd of 5*: 

It’s great teaching younger children English if their language level is advanced – as they possess the same playful imagination you can always expect from kindergarten kids – but they can also express themselves properly through their spoken words too!

I remember with my class last year, we used to have a running joke which I’d orchestrated in order to try and correct some bad grammar they’d picked up from another teacher. You see, any time they had completed their work, they would often announce “I’m finish, I’m finish!” 

To which I would reply: “Oh…you’re Finnish? I thought you were Korean?” 

Naturally the first time I said this there were blank stares…just totally confused little faces, all staring – wondering what on earth I was talking about. But I was able to explain, and thankfully they actually understood! That if you say, “I’m finish” – rather than the correct, “I’m finished” – it could possibly be mistook as you saying you hail from the wintry tundra which is Finland!

Cold GIF

I’d say things like…“Finnish? But I didn’t see you in Finland when I was there! Where did you live?” And usually they would pretend they were indeed Finnish, and make up illustrious stories of how they were busy with the huskis, or building an igloo, or hiding in the snow – or whatever else! And that’s why I probably didn’t see them!

There’d be giggles from the whole class any time anyone slipped up by accident, and in doing so they started to rapidly fix their own errors. In fact they often joked with each other – and consequently put each other right! Not always of course…but most of the time…

I recall once someone screaming  “TEACHER! I’M FINNISH!” with an inordinately loud scream! I was busy going through something with another child – so without looking, I mumbled “no, no – you’re not Finnish! Finished maybe, but not Finnish…” 

“TEACHER! I’M FINNISH! I”M FINNISH, I’M FINNISH! I’M FINNISH!”

The screams were deafening, and starting to grate on me – so I spun around, and bellowed: “YOU’RE NOT FINNI-“

I was cut short by the sight in front of me – the student was stood on the table, coat hood up – and tied tight, like Kenny from South Park…he had a pencil held out as if he was ice fishing…and had layered on thick board marker all over his face (in an attempt to simulate a thick, bushy beard!) 

Genius Beard GIF

I haven’t laughed so hard in all my life. He really was Finnish, I suppose. 

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(you can check out the 1st of 5, here. And the 2nd, here)*

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Boring, and Bored!

I’ve been asked to provide five possible short stories, which display language errors – for a Korean made English language book – I suppose the aim is to point out possible mistakes that could be made, so that English learners don’t have to make them personally! Anyway, I have to get them done by Sunday! Phew, that’s a lot of work! So yeah, rough and ready; here is the 2nd of 5*: 

When you’re teaching it’s unrealistic to assume that your classes will always be fun – after all a mixture of terrible unrelatable subject matter, and poorly written books, can equal a nightmare for even the most enthusiastic teacher!

I recall once with a middle school class, the lesson was based around the Canadian governmental system…yeah, exactly…why? The books were made in Korea, which made it even more unusual – I just wasn’t sure how this was something that would benefit English language learners – actually I thought it was likely to confuse them if anything! But I was told this was what I had to do – in short, I basically had no choice. So I did what I could, and planned some fun activities surrounding the text…but we had to get through the heavy reading first.

Rudd GIF

This wasn’t fun for me, and it certainly wasn’t fun for them! But we stuck with it, I mean the lesson would finish eventually – right? The clock seemed to be ticking backwards, but surely that was just my imagination…it had to be…

Anyway – so on, and on, and on, the reading droned – something about elections, and votes, and private, and public…finance, and…well I don’t know…it all sounded like “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH” to me…I could see the students scratching their heads, wondering what evils they had committed to deserve this punishment…

That was when, out of nowhere – the girl who was reading erupted – I suppose her limit had been reached, and she could take no more! “TEACHER I’M SO BORING!” She collapsed into her forearms, and started to whinny like a dying horse. I tried to be as sympathetic as I could muster, and explained that she wasn’t boring – the book was just boring, and that she shouldn’t take it personally.

She didn’t look convinced, but I told her to continue, and commented that she had been doing well so far…but nope, she flatly refused; “NO, NO, NO! I’M TOO BORING! I CAN’T READ…NOT MORE!”

No No NO GIF

I’d lost the class – they were all probably running low on sugar, and discussions about politics, and systems they didn’t even understand hadn’t helped! So I took over the reading – and my goodness was it a drab pain-fest. I was both bored – which is surely a given – but also felt more boring for having read it.

So yeah, despite my student seemingly misunderstanding the difference between the two words, (boring, and bored) in a way – it had made complete, and total sense!

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(you can check out the 1st of 5, here.)*

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Language Barrier

I struggle on an almost daily basis with the language barrier.

Now you may be fooled into thinking that this is simply a vague metaphor…a creation of our imagination to describe a certain feeling, when we cannot deliver our thoughts to another human. Well I can tell you now that the language barrier, is so very real – although I’d probably describe it as a language battering ram, if anything! As it hits me with such force, and leaves me very, very confused…with no idea what to do next…

Confused Guy GIF

I’m trying my best to learn Korean, but it is all happening very slowly…I need someone to constantly lie to me, you know…tell me I am amazing even though I am terrible, otherwise I just feel like setting myself on fire in protest. Or at least ripping up the book, and quitting.

I remember one time I spent ten minutes, trying to get the Korean pronunciation for syrup right in a cafe…sheerop, shurop, sherrup, shar…errr…in the end I just pointed, and smiled. The lady immediately understood: “ahhhhh, shueropu?” Yeah, sure. Whatever. Urghhh! 

It certainly makes me thankful for being back in the UK, where I can freely speak English without the language battering ram smashing into my face – reminding me how stupid I am, and how my pronunciation makes me sound “like a crazy alien” (actual quote from a bemused Korean guy).

Crazy Alien GIF

Funnily enough, I have just read a story on this subject which intrigued me a lot! You see apparently a young man was in some kind of horrific accident…the news said it was a car crash, but we know that we can’t ever fully trust the news – what is more likely is that it was the language battering ram! The reason I say this is that the guy woke up from a coma, and for some bizarre reason he found he could speak fluent Chinese. CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?! And now he is working over there on television! I mean, I wish my Korean tutor would have told me it was that easy!!!!

I have to run, I am off to play in traffic! Wish me luck! 

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