Live for the Weekend?

“I can’t wait for the weekend!” says some tiresome, but probably well meaning person in your workplace…shame it’s only Tuesday – and the drab countdown to allotted free time will now drag even longer than usual…

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Why do they do it? Is life really that shit, that you want to tick bits off like it’s a jail sentence you can’t wait to be over? 

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. But I hate this idea of, “living for the weekend.” It’s not that I don’t get it (I really do!), it’s just that I feel this means your’e only finding worth in two measly days out of seven. If I was better at maths, I’d work out the percentage of life you are missing out on thanks to this perspective, but I’m not so I won’t – let’s just all agree on a lot. 

My situation is good at the moment – so perhaps that’s why I can be so recklessly judgy, and borderline pretentious about this sort of stuff…after all I just teach kindergarten Monday, to Friday; 9:30 till 14:30…which leaves the rest of the day free for me to pursue the things I love – namely writing…or you know – eating, and sleeping…actually sometimes all three if I’m feeling real ambitious! 

Naturally this makes me happy! Doing what you like makes you happy, it’s as simple as that. And although it is a very temporary situation – for now, I can only praise the stars, my lucky charms, and/or whatever else for granting me such a sweet deal. It hasn’t always been that way…at one point I was getting up to do a paper round at 5:30am, then on to push televisions around at an electrical store, then a shift at the pub later on. Madness – I mean I was supposed to be studying…

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Anyway during those days the weekends were my busiest! So I can’t say I was thrilled every time they rolled around. Tuesdays were great…Wednesdays too…

My rather rambled, and convoluted point is this…try and find good in every day, not just the ones where you get to take shots of some obnoxious liquid, and wake up in a puddle of your own expulsions without worrying about missing an appointment. There is good in the weekdays too. Even if it’s just a nice conversation, a sunny day, or the anticipation of dinner with a family member, or watching the new episode of your favourite show…it’s all good my friends, it’s all good…

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Don’t EVER Travel!

We all have our own custom-made worries, responsibilities, musings, and quandaries…things we must do, things we dream of doing, and a whole bunch of things we don’t ever even want to think about doing. And it’s because of this that the weight of the world can, at times, get on top of us…and if we’re not careful – overwhelm us completely…

I’m having one of those times at the moment,  I mean I’m fine for the most part – but not fine-fine…like if someone was to ask “how are you?” – I’d still reply with “I’m fine” – but it wouldn’t be entirely truthful, I’d just be sort of going through the usual motions, you know?

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I’m a better liar than Ross though, I think…

That’s what they don’t tell you about leaving home for some far-flung country; the way you feel so feckless, helpless, useless, and a whole load other things with ‘less’ at the end. Apart from bless of course, as it’s no blessing to be away from family in times of need – in fact I’d argue the exact opposite; it’s a fucking curse. 

You feel guilty for not being there, particularly during the more miserable occasions; deaths, illnesses, surgeries – all that fun stuff. But when you do return you realise that everyone is…well…everyone is fine – and that life has been rolling on without you, as it inevitably always will.

That’s the irony, I suppose – you feel selfish for being away from loved ones, and yet when you come back you feel selfish for believing you were so necessary to people’s daily survival that your homecoming should have been on a Jesus level…that the very sight of you should have cured all of the woes people had been suffering in your absence…that you were the missing piece, and now you’ve been found again – so let’s rejoice and have a thousand wines, or you know, whatever Jesus did*…

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Artist’s rendition*

Either way, life’s not like that. It would be great if it was – but it isn’t, and that is hard to deal with. We have to make our decisions, and live with the consequences; “happily ever after” is just a narrow and simple-minded fallacy that seeks to act as a blanket statement to cover over all of life’s hidden intricacies and complexities…all of the pain, and suffering…all of the worry, and remorse…basically all of the things that mean you truly care, all of the things that make you a living, breathing, and feeling human.

Sucks to be you, sorry mate…I’m sure you’ll be fine.

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Happiness – What Could Have Been…

I am fascinated with life, and the idea of each and every person having their own pathway on which they follow… 

It’s not that I believe in fate, or that I think we have any kind of predetermined outcome by some fella upstairs…instead I think of us as paving our own way – desperately struggling to lay the yellow bricks in front of us as we attempt to navigate through our lives. Sometimes we stumble across good eggs like Scarecrow, Tim Woodman, and Cowardly Lion – and then occasionally there are sadistic witches and flying killer monkeys who rip off all of your limbs…

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Swings, and roundabouts I suppose…

 I mean granted not everything can be cheese, back rubs, and new posts from Storytime with John, right? There are shitty moments too – it’s just all about finding those happy moments, and treasuring them, whilst also trying to derive some purpose from our small window of life (wherever, and however that may be!); after all we all want to be happy!

But you know what? I have some rather backward advice (which just so happens to work!) when it comes to being happier with your present situation…it’s not particularly to look at the things that you are lucky enough to possess; a loving family? A great set of friends? A job you actually enjoy? A really comfortable pair of socks? Whatever! No. 

Although naturally…good for you – especially the socks thing.

But I do find that spending some time considering what could have been (for the worst), really helps pump you up, and give a greater perspective on your life as a whole. It’s basically like you are looking backwards down the yellow brick road, and viewing the different paths that you see were no available…but you didn’t take. And as you are older, and hopefully a smidge wiser you now see they would have led to doom and gloom. I find this gives confidence in going forward…PUMP UP DAT CHEST, BRUH! 

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For me I look back at past relationships that would have anchored me to one spot…limited me…and kept me in a closed community, with a minimal amount of opportunity – so I look back at that, and then examine the present day…and I feel more positive about meekly edging forward. Or perhaps I peer pack down the yellow brick road again, and see friendship circles centered solely around drinking, drugs, and a lack of ambition…then again I look at the now…and feel a stronger person for being where I am today.

If I had made certain other choices, my reality would be totally different. 

I could of course ramble more about this for a lot longer, but it wouldn’t make much sense to you…after all life isn’t always a cohesive narrative, it is actually a very personal story which is only ever reported as a polished epilogue – one with which we can perhaps relate, but never truly experience – each of us walk in our own shoes, on our own path. 

But just try it, look back and see where your life could have taken you…not for the better, but for the worse…it should bring a wry smile to your face – and hopefully more faith in yourself, and your future…

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You’ve got this my friend!

(This post is dedicated to my very good friend over at Pixelated Lifestyle – keep going, just keep going…oh and watch out for the flying monkeys.)

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Go Compare…

I don’t know what it is…but I can’t help it – it’s hard to resist…and the easy access makes it all the more simple – and therefore all the more difficult to avoid…

I’m talking about comparisons. What did you think I was talking about? Anyway….yeah, it’s like an addiction of sorts – fuelled by the little cartoonish angel, and devil that sit on either side of my slouched shoulders…neither of them are helpful if I’m honest…

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Devil: hehehe! Look John, LOOOOK! Check out his wikipedia…by 21 he was doing comedy shows around the country, what are you doing, huh? Huh? hehehe…just quit now – and eat some cake.

Angel: Oh, don’t listen to him! Look! Look! Check out his story…he was addicted to heroin until his late 20s, you’re doing great…in comparison…sort of…but if you don’t make it – then…well yeah…heroin?

Thanks guys, but kindly fuck off – will you?! 

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

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