Usually checking your emails is a pretty routine boring task, you hope there will be something special there, but usually it is just some clickbait spam, or buy one get one free Groupon deals, and in my case a bunch of WordPress awaiting moderation emails. So not anything too exciting then.
Then something like this comes along…and your life will never be the same again…
Some people say that the truth is stranger than fiction, I think that the plight of my new good friend proves that to be a fact! I certainly feel sorry for her, after all she just wants to live out her last few days in peace, but the Holy Spirit keeps bugging her to give a total unknown person 25% of $3,367,223! What a strange request, but God moves in mysterious ways I have been told. I wonder what I will do with…just run to get my calculator…erm…$841,805.75! I would probably give some to charity, but with 75% ($2,525,417.25) already going to cancer research and other charity organizations I feel my conscience is clear there…so instead I am thinking I will become a lord of leisure…get a lovely manor house in the country…or perhaps take my whole family on a round the world trip…or…open up a Willy Wonka style chocolate factory, complete with a chocolate river. People would be welcome to come in so long as they didn’t sneak off away from the tour or try and steal all of my new secret formulas. Oh, and no playing with the Oompa Loompas.
I hope Naomi lives long enough to hear the song me and the guys put together…
“Oompa loompa doompety doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you,
Oompa loompa doompety dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me!
What do you get when you spam email John T?
You get a sarcastic blog post – possibly three!
Are you in hospital? Or an island in Greece?
You’d have to be dumb – to think you could fool me!
I just don’t like the look of it…
Oompa loompa doompety da,
If you’re not greedy, you will go far!
You will live in happiness too,
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do,
Doompety do!”
With all that said, get well soon Naomi, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Like this story? Then why not like the Facebook page? http://www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE!
John Lee Taggart 
I have sooooo many relatives (allegedly) in Nigeria that have needed my bank details to kindly donate money to me. Or just $500 from me to help them transfer the funds. When I send emails stating they can just take the $500 from my portion, I never hear from them again.
Sorry you won’t be cashing a big cheque anytime soon.
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I once had a spam email that was very close to the bone. It said that my cousin Mark had been killed in a car crash and there was money etc etc. It gave me more than pause for thought because I do have a cousin Mark with my surname and, at the time, he was somewhere in Africa or similar. It was a horribly unpleasant experience.
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If we would cash in on every of these emails we would be stinking rich!
I love youre oompa loompa song! Hilarious!!
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If only, if only! haha!
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Oh! Oh! After you build your chocolate factory, you must invent the WonkaSpam App© that instantly dissolves all spam messages into delicious chocolate bars.
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hahahaha the copyright tickled me! We must, must, MUST make this a reality!
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OMG yes! This has to happen! 🙂
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John will lead us!
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I really did enjoy your post and like your song so what I am going to ask you is totally beside the point of what you wrote about – do you really have 26 546 emails in your inbox? That is amazing!
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hahaha, I knew straight away someone would pick up on that, well someone astute! And yeah I’m not sure how but at some point they just accrued. It’s lunacy. But I’ve learned to live with it! Maybe I’m a hoarder…hmm…
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No question about it. Definitely a hoarder!!
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I just love the way you write. Your good humor will take you far in life. Thank you for sharing your wit with us. You always get a giggle out of me.
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Hi Bonnie, thank you, that’s lovely of you to say so!
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Gosh, poor woman… don’t know why you don’t just give her the money John!!
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hahaha, I’m awful I know, I do hope Naomi understands I am flawed by greed…I will email her explaining things. Sure she’ll understand 😉
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If she writes you back, you must document that as well!!
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Well of course! I can see this blossoming into a special relationship after all!
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Ohhh! Love your little ditty there! Had no idea you had all that Oompah Loompah-ness in you!
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haha, why thank you ~ I bring it out only for special occasions such as this!
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You are so awesome.. it’s wonderful!
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Thanks Patricia, you are wonderful for saying so! Made my day!
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She must have wealthy relatives to be dying and abandoned with all that dosh to give away 😉
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I reckon so, do you want in on this deal? Is that what you’re getting at Jenny? haha!
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😉
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I do love the original Oompa-Loompas they were so awesome. I am one of the few people that love when others are walking around with a tangerine or orange traffic cone tan because it makes me sing the Oompa-Loompa songs in my head… always brings a smile to my face so tan away peoples 🙂
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Well thank you, now I am going to be the EXACT same looking at people in the town centre! Will have to stop myself from singing along next to them…
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Hahaha I am glad to have spread my habits to others 🙂 As long as you don’t take to tanning yourself so you can dress as an Ooompa-Loompa and dance and sing in the town centre I think you are going to be ok 🙂
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Ooooooh I do fancy a purple coat, top hat and cane though, the Wonka outfit may become the next fashion craze…I can see it all now…
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That sounds very distinguished 🙂
And why not? Considering some of the other things that have been in fashion this seems totally acceptable to me. I just learned the colour citrus (somewhere between Fluor green and yellow) is back in fashion, not for me it’s not 🙂
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A moments silence if you will all please for Naomi, for she only had a few days… Possibly time has run out..loved your poetry ~ smiles
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haha, I’m going go go plant a tree for her or something…
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That would be very thoughtful ~ smiles
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Thoroughly amused 🙂 I love reading your posts!
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Good stuff Thomas, thanks for saying so! 🙂
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I will join in the prayers. 😀
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R.I.P Naomi… 😦 If she read that song/poem she’d be VERY HAPPY!! 😀
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I have had a few of those emails. I love your song.
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Man I don’t feel so special now Sandy, I thought Naomi and I had something special! haha!
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That song though–I’m loving it!! And I’m glad there is someone out there who appreciates the original Willy Wonka, it’s a classic man!
Oh, and spam emails are stupid….
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Oh of course Melanie! I mean Johnny Depp is naturally one of my fave actors…but you can’t top the original, I wish they hadn’t even tried…as with most of these remakes.
Oh, and yeah they sure are! 😀
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Lol. I remember Ban Ki Moon from the UN sending me an email. I knew it was a scam so I deleted it.
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What if though…WHAT IF?!?! That’s what I always think…
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Thats what I thought before I deleted it.
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I have received those kind of emails too. I find it amusing that these scammers are expecting someone to buy such a joke?
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From “The Office”
Michael: You know what, Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!
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hahahaha! Man, Shelley I love that show ~ every interaction betwern Michael and Toby is always HYSTERICAL!
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“Kofia Annan” (former Secretary-General of the UN) once sent me an email claiming he had $750,000 waiting for me, but all I needed to do was to give him my bank details so that he could wire it to me.
Uh huh.
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Ohhhhh what a great opportunity!!!!! hahaha, they are always such illustrious tales!
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I love the comments I get on my blog about how excellent my argument was and how it gave them much to ponder. Argument? It is a blog about sewing and costumes! To who and about what am I arguing? Then they link me to a porn site (likely virus infested). The fact that it continues, implies that some idiot is falling for it somewhere.
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Willy Wanka style?haha.
Hey at least the aggravating email brought out the new Shakespeare in town. That was some mean cool way too cool to go to school type of poetry. Show that to the kid you where teaching, I´m sure they´ll be giggling like a little kid(what an oxymoron) just like me right now.
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hahaha it brought out some silliness, that’s all! 😀
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