Posted on by Storytime with John

Fancy footwork!

My couple of days in Austria were for the most part overwhelmingly positive, (stay tuned for the single negative part in another post soon!) – I mean, the place is beautiful; filled with breathtaking architecture, some of the best art the world has ever seen, and people who are warm and friendly – especially when compared with their far more stern and stand-offish Hungarian neighbours. Case in point, in Hungary someone tried to have a go at stealing my trainers…in Austria a stranger saw me battling with a map and pointed me in the right direction…

Also the coffee in Hungary tastes like someone has put some coffee granules in their mouths, washed it about with a bit of luke warm water, and then spat it into warm-ish milk – making sure to stir thoroughly before serving to unsuspecting customers. Coffee in Austria is totally on point: espresso that makes you feel like it isn’t such a big deal that you haven’t slept more than four hours a night for a week straight…now I look at the situation with fresh well rested eyes, I am starting to question whether the caffeine situation has a lot to do with my (probably) terrible bias – yeah, probably – so apologies to both sides, but you do both have great cakes – so perhaps you can take solace in that? Joint first on the cake podium? No? Okay.

Anyway, I went into Austria with no preconceived notions – well none that serve any real purpose or credence when it comes to assessing whether Vienna is a nice tourist spot…my memory was conjuring up snapshots of The Sound of Music and the terrifying Josef Fritzl case that was in the news a while back…unfortunately, that was it – but in lots of ways this is a good thing, as you are not swayed by other people’s opinions or your own notions; you are going in with fresh eyes, and the first impression is a lot more vivid. And it was! Vienna is really up there with the top European cities in my humble opinion – it jostles with the likes of Berlin, Paris and Florence – both in sheer beauty and expense (a side effect of fantastic places usually!) I walked the streets staring like a gormless fool at the little intricate details of the buildings, wandering into churches, cathedrals, museums, galleries…just in total awe! It’s a wonderful place to get purposefully lost in, as there is always something to see, and if you get tired or frustrated – just plop yourself down in one of the many cafés and recharge your batteries with some of the best confectionery you will ever see! Doesn’t sound half bad ey?

But as I was walking around the high street I was stopped by a lady with a camera – “SHNIGLFLEEEGANSHLURGUN” – that’s not what she said, but honestly that is what the German language sounds like to me, there are a few words that are basically just English words with a different accent, and then the rest that I just can’t even begin to comprehend, sounds like my reaction to stubbing my toe! Anyway, all I could do was apologise for my ignorance:

“I’m so sorry, I am English.” Yeah, I know, I know – it’s a little odd to apologise for where I come from, not like it is my fault – but I find myself doing it at least one hundred times in every country I visit, so I have largely made my peace with it!

Anyway, she explained that she was taking photos for a fashion site, or something – and asked if she would be able to take my photo, naturally I would never say no…for a crippling fear of coming off as rude, so despite my brother running off and leaving me alone with this stranger, and the fact that I would have loved the world to swallow me up at this very moment – I nodded, as she began to keenly snap away.

I was an extremely awkward subject; if I wasn’t pursing my lips in nervousness, I was fidgeting with my fingers…I began to think about what I probably look like, and a flood of red flushed my cheeks until it burnt the tops of my ears – she pulled a quizzical look as she stared at the sweating wreck in front of her.

“Errr…can you…can you…do something with your legs?”

“Yeah, erm…”

I didn’t have a fucking clue what this meant…I mean…something…what is something?! Tap dancing? Roundhouse kick? Putting my foot in my mouth and chewing so that I would be taking away to a mental asylum and the embarrassment would be over? The latter sounded preferable. Maybe it could work? Urgh. She gestured that she wanted some kind of cowboy leg on wall situation to happen…I wasn’t particularly tired, but I obliged anyway – nice to take a little weight off the feet I suppose…but no, she wasn’t happy with it – I guess I was doing it wrong…I tried to switch it up, almost lost my balance – she looked thoroughly pissed off with how shit I was at being a model – I mean how was I incapable of resting on a wall correctly? Surely anyone could do that? But no! Apparently all the other times I was leaning on walls I was making a fool of myself…

“No. No. NO!”

She would repeat at regular intervals. I could feel my cheeks were about to explode with sheer shame. She took about ten photos (at least), I am not sure if she decided I was a lost cause, or if she finally got a one she was content with, but eventually she let me go. This was the outcome, what do you guys think? Personally I think I look like a constipated hamster – but never mind, this was the hand I was dealt!

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Oh, and here is the site, naturally full credit goes to these guys and the lady who put up with my disgracefully nervous legs and tomato face! :

http://www.adiweiss.at/streetstyle/wien/wien-streetstyle-check-27-08-2014/

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More from this country below:

https://storytimewithjohn.com/2014/09/04/anything-but-fine-austria/

86 Replies to “Fancy footwork!”

  3. Just a tiny bit of your awkwardness is evident in this photo, but I’d say over all you look great John. Being shy and modest is OK and encouraged in teens, time to learn to receive compliments – and some one wanting to take your picture IS a compliment 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. Thanks for the funny story, lifted my bad mood this morning. Congrats on the picture! You’re looking quite dapper, I’m sure you’d put a constipated hamster to shame. Hope you are doing well and resting from your travels

    Liked by 3 people

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  6. haha! Great story! I want to go to Europe so badly….sigh…someday. I know what you mean about your face turning red in these kind of situations. I have the same problem, then when its happening all I can think about is how red it is and it gets redder. Horrible!

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    1. You will do it, YOU WILL! It is a lovely place and so much variety, you hop on a train and a couple of hours later you are in a whole different place with a whole different style and culture! Anyway, when you do plan a journey get in touch and I’ll give you the lowdown on wherever you’re going! 🙂

      Crippling redness was a problem at school and hasn’t passed even in supposed “adulthood” haha it’s our cross to bear!

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      1. Yes, that is what seems so awesome about it, you can see so many different places and not have to travel too far! Sounds good. Haha…yes =)

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  7. haha You poor awkward soul! I guess you’ll just have to start looking like a slob whenever you go places so people will stop taking pictures of you 😛
    But don’t worry, you don’t look like any kind of backed-up rodent!

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  11. I love your post and what you wrote about Vienna. Vienna is my hometown and it really is totally special and catches people with its charme of old an new and the smell of history everywhere. And of course it is cool that you acted that spontaneously! I don’t know if I would have done that… thumbs up!

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  13. THAT was frickin’ funny! Love your humor and writing. You made me laugh when I really needed to! Anybody reading your post cannot look at your photograph objectively after THAT story. You look marvelous (if you’re old like me, you’ll remember Billy Crystal on SNL).

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    1. Oh, I am overjoyed with your comment – that’s a nice thought that it could make you smile at a low time 😀 I am always watching old SNL, being English youtube is the outlet where I can catch that kinda stuff!

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  15. Great travel post. Have you read any of Bill Bryson’s travel books? Funny stuff. BTW, your writing on this one is so solid that your use of the F word detracts from your wonderful story. I advise you to leave it out!

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    1. Oh, thank you so much – kind of you to say, I appreciate it 😀 the hair though…well…it was longer before…but then I was sunburnt in Italy and went a little crazy (cutting it off Britney Spears style without much thought!) – glad someone likes it!

      Oh, and while I am here – very cool blog, love the fact you have just went for it in terms of your ambition, my kinda person!

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Thank you so much, that’s so good to hear! Every day I am taking steps to be my own boss and enjoy the freedom, while doing what I love. Thanks for the support!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Well, it takes a lot of work and I’m currently working at a soda fountain/ice cream bar to pay my outrageous bills, but I make all of their signs and may be doing the social media for them soon here. That could be a step in a very good direction for my freelancing. Plus nine bucks an hour makes one’s job a lot more bearable 😛

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  22. That made me laugh out loud…! Damn me for not following you sooner! But better late than never! 😀 Indeed- you look smart on the photo… a smart, if slightly, constipated hamster! 😀

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  23. I think the fact that you were awkward made the picture that much more charming. I get so annoyed looking at all these over-confident pics of plastic people. I loved that I felt like I was looking at someone … real… not “created for the effect”.

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    1. Wow, thank you! What a beautiful way with words you have! It’s certainly as real as they come I suppose, especially as I have explained just what was going on (my cheeks aren’t half as red as they felt on that day!)

      Anyway, thank you! Have yourself a wonderful day/night!

      Liked by 1 person

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  29. Pingback: Anything but Fine (Austria) | Storytime with John

  30. Lol unlike a lot of fashion bloggers who take street shots of the public (when with permission) at least she told you her website. You look dapper 🙂 I can see why she liked your outfit 🙂 and you wear it well and I don’t often say that about drainpipe trousers.

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  33. Just showed this to my friend and you managed to make her laugh for 3 minutes straight.Its a miracle.Anyway, you still look quite nice and appropriate for a fashion blog.Nice

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  36. It was all beams of a smiling face reading your posts. You definitely have a ‘Funny bone’ to keep the person read till the end of your experience. 😀 – Sagarika

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