Lizard People

Even those that know me on a friend of a friend’s friend’s sister’s cousin sort of basis will know that I am never one to go for conspiracy theories. I get all I need from watching X-Files reruns thank you very much…and as a result don’t feel the need to entertain any of those typical slack-jawed yokels who are forever claiming they were anally probed by visitors from outer space.

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Let me say this plainly so the yokels understand it: E.T. has no interest in putting his lighty up finger anywhere near your grossly hairy buttocks – so stop sullying my pristine image of him with your local-news ready tales of lies and mistruths. It’s not a big government cover-up, it’s just your moonshine induced imagination. And anyway if they were to touch base on Earth they would likely spend their time doing useful things like making lasagna and trying out all the different settings on a jacuzzi – not heading to the middle of nowhere to perform anus experiments, so stop it. Just please…stop. 

Okay with that cleared up let’s move on to the next topic of the day:

Lizard People destroying the world through politics/dirty dealings:

As we all know by now essentially every politician on the face of the earth is in fact a lizard in disguise. They are untrustworthy by their very design; paid off by those which they should really be lobbying against, and also they eat flies which is really not cool if you ask me. Unfortunately this is not some sort of scene from a Spiderman comic – so we can’t just close it shut or throw it away – we have to face it head on as it is very real. I suppose just like paper we could set them on fire but that would be barbaric. Better to have a no-holds barred fight to the death with sharpened sticks if anything.

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But hmmm, they’d never go for it but…sorry, getting sidetracked.

It’s just never have I had so little faith in my government or in my own people – perhaps it has always been this way and I am only now realising it fully but…gone are the days of the noble politician who is truly invested in the people he/she is supposed to serve, gone are the times where those in government would fight for basic human rights, and gone are the days when those in office didn’t wear life-size human suits to cover their scales. By the way I’m not even sure if the ‘lizard’ thing is a metaphor or if it is literal…both would make sense. I’m sure I’ve seen flashes of red in both Hilary and Trump’s eyes – COINCIDENCE?! I think not…the truth is out there. 

The thing is instead of having actual human integrity these lizards are just bumming every corporation who will pay for their holiday to the bahamas, or who will teach them how to set up a humongously crooked bank account abroad. And they do it in front of us, and are then seemingly outed, and, and, and – nothing!

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Because even when a nice human comes along (Jeremy Corbyn/Bernie Sanders), or who knows perhaps even a kind-hearted lizard (let’s not be speciesist here – this is a safe place for all) we don’t allow them in. We as the people, us slack-jawed yokels, cannot allow too much change at once. We have came to know our place at the bottom, and it would be uncomfortable to knock those at the top from their ivory towers. We can’t trust those with crazy views such as “let’s take care of each other” and instead go with those with experience…even if said experience is waging war and fucking up the whole fucking world all for the sake of a few extra gold bullions in their personal safes. Urgh, it’s just frustrating – and I am starting to wish aliens would land and take me away from all this – but those like Corbyn and Sanders prove one thing…apathy such as mine is easy, it is standing up for what is right in the face of adversity which takes true strength.

And we certainly need more of that in this world. 

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17 thoughts on “Lizard People

  1. Political views. Check. I can’t even think about what the next four years will be like.
    BUT.don’t discount conspiracy theories or cruel alien intention. What might seem “cruel” to you could just be science and curiosity to them. I mean, they obviously MUST be more advanced than a race that pulls the wings off of flies and chloroforms insects and pins them to white boards as souveniers. Oh and let’s not forget cloning animals and raising bunnies to experiment new drugs and cosmetics on-but I think you’d be safe if you don’t have a long tail or whiskers-or behave like a rat. Hmmm..do they do hit jobs? I kind of have a rat list going….
    Surely anything else existing in the universe must be more intelligent than this! One can only hope. Right Mulder? 😏

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  2. This election has been absolutely maddening. These GOP candidates tell the masses they’re going to dismantle health care, stop the minimum wage increase, and spearhead legislation that disenfranchises its own citizens and people cheer them? These people don’t realize there is a massive joke being played by these politicians and their supporters are the butt of it.

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