Posted on by Storytime with John

Eating in Bathrooms

There are a fair few things in this life that are not okay. That list seems to be getting exponentially larger with every passing day, but currently includes the likes of; kicking people in the face (unless you are a professional face kicker), driving as fast as humanely possible (unless you are a professional fast car racer), and being an ignorant bigoted racist dickhead (unless you are Donald Trump). Now another thing I would throw in there, and I’m sure you would too, is eating sandwiches in public bathrooms…

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DISCLAIMER: Although I’d rather you didn’t – you are free to eat sandwiches in your own clean bathroom. The world will still judge you harshly for it, but then again – you are probably not going to tell anyone are you? It’ll be your little secret held away from the judgemental eyes of the world’s media – fearful you will be nicknamed “The Pee-Pee Pepperoni”, “Ham and Cheese Bare Knees”, or “Ugly Naked Person Eating a Sandwich”. 

The point is it’s weird. But there’s just something about public bathrooms that makes the act way more weird. Most of them I have ever been in scream: “GET IN, GET OUT. DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING. NO CRUMBS ON THE URINE!” Don’t misunderstand me, apart from the grunting guy in the stalls there isn’t much noise; I was simply suggesting that the oddly sticky floor, the foul stench, and the altogether horribleness of the environment makes for internal screaming so loud you can almost be deafened.

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All of that also makes for a place not okay to munch on a Subway sandwich. Especially if you have another hand steadying the ship (I mean penis.) as you wolf down your lunch.

If it isn’t already obvious I witnessed this, and I still don’t get it. How busy are you mystery stranger? What is going on that you need to multi-task to such a degree?

I really wanted to know, but he already had so much going on.

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21 Replies to “Eating in Bathrooms”

      1. a teacher once told me that if we were able to see all the germs in a toilet, we wouldn’t be able to see ourselves in the mirror, that’s how many. I don’t even chew gum in a toilet! Never mind gobbling down a sandwich!!

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  3. OMG I just cried laughing at this! I mean eww why would you want to contaminate your food? First off when you go into a restroom and flush the toilet with the lid open the fecal matter actually shoots many feet so you should cover your toothbrushes and anything else that may be going in your mouth and disinfect and wash things often. Second just EWWW! WHY! LMBO Guess he wants to build up his immunity! His own special ingredient…

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      1. And my husband wonders why I sometimes blog about my part-time cleaning job…people are strange creatures. In the men’s bathroom I keep finding banana peels, chip bags and empty drink containers all the time. I thought it was just me thinking these men were eating in the bathroom. You answered that, just how I imagined, LMBO.

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  6. I have seen (and this is not a fond memory) a bloke walk into a public toilet with a wrapped kebab under his arm, whip out his old fella, start pissing and then, when he seemed comfortable, take the kebab from under his arm and begin demolishing it whilst still hands-free, so to speak.
    As I left he was still standing there eating; whether or not he was going to finish his dinner before zipping up and leaving will forever remain a mystery.

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