Eating in Bathrooms

There are a fair few things in this life that are not okay. That list seems to be getting exponentially larger with every passing day, but currently includes the likes of; kicking people in the face (unless you are a professional face kicker), driving as fast as humanely possible (unless you are a professional fast car racer), andContinue reading “Eating in Bathrooms”

The Sandwich Day

We are often told by Hallmark card sentimentalists that “life is a rollercoaster”, and that “there are ups and downs”, and whatever else they bother to print. Which may or may not be true, but that’s not the point I’m making. Instead I am just stating that these printed catch-all messages don’t prepare you for the real depressingly low slumps inContinue reading “The Sandwich Day”

The Rebellion of the Stomach

This is a bit of an over-share, I know that for certain…but I am hoping someone can shine some light on what is so far a very dark day… So after an innocent child mistook my man boobs for actual woman’s boobs sometime last week (to my absolute horror), I decided that perhaps I should cleanContinue reading “The Rebellion of the Stomach”

REJOICE MANKIND!

I HAVE SOME FANTASTIC NEWS FOR YOU! NEW, AND VERY SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH FROM MY KINDERGARTEN CLASS! BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ PEOPLE! http://www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn http://www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101 Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Low Fat…Low Fun.

Sitting here, staring into the grey abyss of my cereal bowl. The foul putrid liquid that softens, and dulls the frosted flakes – turning them into flavorless cardboard husks before my very eyes. How did it come to this? Do I deserve this fate, which is surely worse than death?  Low fat…it’s low fun. It’s flavourless,Continue reading “Low Fat…Low Fun.”

HORRIFYING.

You need to feel sorry for me…like right now – please! I need all of the “there, there!”, the pats on the back…the warm soup, and blanket – ALL OF THAT STUFF! Because to put it plainly I have just been shook to the very core. In fact my whole world may NEVER be the same… Let me justContinue reading “HORRIFYING.”

Winter Sickness (AKA: KIDS!)

First, and foremost thank you to everyone for the show of support, and concern – the love is appreciated, that’s for sure! I’m feeling a little under the weather, but with better spirits…so I made this video to warn you of the dangers of children – wrap up, wear a mask, and keep your distance! I’veContinue reading “Winter Sickness (AKA: KIDS!)”

Alien for Supper!

No big deal guys – just the time that an eel was skinned in front of me, and continued to wriggle on my plate. OH THE FLASHBACKS! THE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE FLASHBACKS! Still, hope you get a kick out of it! I certainly did making this! http://www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn

McDoofus

Let me tell you something that may just change your life – in Asian countries (or at least all the ones I have visited), there exists something so ground breaking and heavenly, that on first hearing this you probably won’t believe your ears…I’m talking of course, about – McDonalds Home Delivery…or as the cool kidsContinue reading “McDoofus”