answers – Storytime with John

June 26, 2015August 17, 2015

Gian’s Questions (Video Request)

Gian linked me to his Small Youtuber Tag video, so I’ve taken on the challenge – and answered a few questions here…if you are new to this site it is a good way to get an overview about me…sort of…not really…

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

March 18, 2015

Really Neat

Thanks to perseshow who nominated me for the “Real Neat Blog Award” many moons ago – sorry I’m only just getting around to working on it now! The drafts section can be a cold, and unforgiving place…where many, many, posts never see the cold light of day…

Anyway yeah, cheers! I wasn’t sure what was meant by ‘Really Neat’…I suppose it means cool rather than well organised – as my blog is more often than not, a mad free for all!

But either way, here are my answers to the questions that were posed:

If you could travel to one place anywhere on the globe, where would you go?

Well, next on the list is Japan…probably in a month or two…but a dream destination of mine which some may already know is New Zealand. I almost feel guilty that the sole reason is based around The Lord of the Rings – and that aside from that I have no real knowledge of the place whatsoever. I’m a simple soul really, I just want to put in my earphones with the soundtrack blasting…and wander through the foothills pretending I’m on a quest….after which I will kick back in my hobbit hole, eat some bread, smoke a long pipe, and bathe my unusually hairy feet. Can’t wait.

If you could change one thing about the world, past or present, would you and what would it be?

For the sake of keeping this light-hearted I’m not going to mention the holocaust, or slavery – but obviously those, and a number of other human-induced atrocities are the first to spring to mind. Damn I technically just mentioned them…so will move swiftly on!

Errr, yeah! Lets have fun with this instead, and allow my imagination to wander a little, will you? If I could change one thing about the world it would be a rather major (and impossible) one…I would change the whole structure of things so that less time, and effort could be dedicated to mindless inane jobs in order to buy the newest plastic pollutant…and more could be put towards people fulfilling their passions. Of course it couldn’t really happen as no one would be so passionate about cleaning a toilet, or emptying a stranger’s bin…but one can dream, one can dream…

What’s your favourite pastime activity?

I’ll let you guess…go on, GUESS. No it’s not playing with my slinky, and perfecting the sexy I couldn’t give a shit bed head hairdo! It’s comedy. A rather broad answer, but most things in my life revolve around it these days, which kind of gives me an enormous sense of well-being and purpose. Which is nice. If I’m not writing some humorous stuff, then I’m making videos, or recording a podcast…if I’m not doing any of those then you may find me lazing in bed watching a stand up special…or in a classroom acting the clown with the kids, or perhaps even in a bar someplace laughing with friends over a few beers. Good times.

What do you think is the greatest hurdle of blogging?

Well, a couple of months ago I would have told you that the biggest hurdle to blogging is yourself…that if you stick in, and keep on track with it you can be sure to become successful. But that’s not my battle at the moment…you see I am still to this day limited by the WordPress Lynch Mob through the amount of new blogs I can follow/discover – I used to keep up to date with a lot more people. And that’s impossible to do now. I am happy to be here still, but a bit of the zeal has gone as I feel I am being punished for gaining a larger audience. Take whatever wisdom you can from that, if any.

If you could make a wish come true, would you and what would it be?

“If I had one wish, it would be more wishes – DURRR!” Wise words from Kid CuD…and I certainly echo that sentiment! Although for the sake of this post I won’t be a dick about it, and will answer in a more fair way. My wish would be that all of my immediate family, and close friends will permanently be okay financially. Not billionaires, or even over-night millionaires! (Money can change people into Gollum very easily) But yes, it would be just enough that they could pursue any interest they have, without worry…go on any trip at any point – not have to work, but want to work as they are building their own dreams. I know, such a romantic! haha!

What advice would you give to a new blogger who showed up at your blog asking for directions?

Jokkkkking! Many do, and in spite of my own difficulties I still think interaction is the best way to build your blog, increase your presence, and most importantly foster good relationships with other cool bloggers! But listen…you have to make sure what you are putting out is GOOD – personally I would rather read a blog that posts once a week, or a month even and was filled with gripping, and entertaining content – than a ten times a day poster that is laden with utter TRIPE. So yeah, work on that…and good luck to you my young padawan.

I think I am supposed to link a few people to this? Well, whatever – check out these trill OGs, they’re my typa people: vanbytheriver, apestract, nutsrok

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

November 8, 2014November 23, 2014

Aussie Adventures

I have noticed recently that I have been having a lot of readers from Australia! Usually I have a majority readership in the States, and the UK – but recently the Aussie folk have been checking the site out – which is great!

I haven’t been to Australia (yet), that is certainly one for the future – I do have a dream of visiting New Zealand sometime soon…I want to put on a cape, wander in the hills, and have someone carry around a boombox playing The Lord of the RIngs soundtrack…you know, so I feel like Aragorn…

Maybe when that happens I will drop by Australia to see you guys! So in preparation, I had a little think, and did a little research – and I’ve came up with a list of reasons your wonderful country is a place I soon want to be writing about first hand.

Warning: the following is probably/definitely grossly inaccurate, so please correct me where necessary…but I gave it by best shot (kinda), so here we are…in first place:

The weather:

It’s like always sunny there, right? Which is nice, I can picture myself lying there sunning myself on a beach, or whatever – slapping on some dark oil, and ending up with a beautifully golden glow…people would walk by, and be all; “hey, nice tan!” and I would be all…“yeah, thanks for stating the obvious!” I would show people my tan lines, and they would be amazed at the tremendous force of the sun, which I have managed to harness in order to look ten times better than they possibly ever could.

I mean…yeah, I can picture this, in the most positive realm of my imagination…but this is definitely not what would happen…you would hear instant sizzling, and then I would be mistook for a huge slab of red meat, and promptly thrown on the barbie for the other tanned people to enjoy…ah, the circle of life!

That brings me rather neatly on to my next point:

The BBQs:

Who doesn’t like BBQs?! Well…vegans, and vegetarians, I would imagine...but anyway, as a registered carnivore they are certainly a treat I like once in a while! Obviously I would never be as childish, and downright rude as Zac Efron – I mean look at this guy…who would even dare? With the hair…and the muscles…and the “I don’t care if you wanted to eat this sausage John, I am using it for a hilarious prank to amuse my friends” look. Pfft.

I actually don’t have too much experience with BBQs…in England we occasionally have them in summer, but then it rains…and everyone runs inside, and eats disgusting burnt meat, that is somehow raw in the middle – slapped inside a now soggy bun. I imagine Australians have it down to an art, so yeah, I am expecting good things…

And what is a BBQ without:

The beer…

Who doesn’t like beer?! Well people who don’t drink…and those who don’t like beer…and people who want to blab about yeast all the time…but I find myself in none of those groups, so wooo! Let’s get this party started! Althooooughhhh…I have only ever had one Australian beer, which is unsurprisingly, Fosters. This beer, for want of a better phrase…tastes like stewed horse-piss, (that’s why Buffy is all “PLEASE NO MORE!”)…

What do Australians actually drink? That’s what I want to know – so I can join in with the merriment!

Anyway, this is the last draw for me:

The animals…

Who doesn’t like sharks?! Well people who have been in shark attacks I imagine. But still, you have to admit they are cool creatures. True warriors of the deep, even though they do get bad press. I would probably befriend one, and all the other sharks would think he was a weirdo…but then at the end, he would jump over me – and they would make a movie about the whole experience, called “Free Finny” – and they would get Zac Efron to play my character.

There are a bunch of other weird, and wonderful creatures there – a large majority, it seems – which can kill you. For the longest time I thought Koala Bears were little cuties…so you know, at least it wasn’t all bad…but yesterday on National Geographic I saw them attacking each other like maniacs, the vicious bastards! Will I even survive if I go there?! Or will the police find me strangled to death by a Eucalyptus plant?!

EXHALE

So basically guys, I’ll come clean – I have no clue what to expect – my knowledge (if you can call it that), is based on second-hand information, shoddy internet research, and an overactive imagination…so please, do let me know what the REAL Australia is about…hopefully I will be there shortly with you guys!

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August 11, 2014March 29, 2018

About ME.

Many thanks to Andy Lawson and Susanne Leist who have both nominated me for the “One Lovely Blog” award – I appreciate it! Usually I don’t go for these things, but I feel this will be a good way for my readers to get to know me a little bit better…anyway…here are seven little facts about, well…me!

1. My full name is John Lee Bartholomew Taggart. I am just going to go ahead and assume that the ‘Bartholomew’ bit is leaping out at you as unusual…rather than say, the ‘Lee’ bit. Well yeah, I thought it would be amusing to pick that name when offered the chance during the Roman Catholic “confirmation” ceremony as a thirteen year old. Perhaps I didn’t take it as seriously as I should have, but I certainly stand by my decision.

2. Despite being raised a Catholic I am not sure what I would call myself these days, possibly Jedi if I was being a little jokey, Wizard if I was being serious – I guess cynicism and doubt has creeped into my mind, which has pushed out things like religion and spirituality to some extent, or so it seems. I think this is a bit of a shame, but that’s just how it is.

N.B. If Jesus or anyone wants to come visit me, then my door is always open though. Or an angel…to like, tell me everyone has it wrong and I need to set up my own church – either way, I am totally and completely down. Drop by, or send me an email.

3. I am one of five children – which basically means at some point in time we have all worn the same clothes – big families are just all about that hand-me-down life, that’s just how it is! Unless the clothing item is torn into shreds by some unavoidable bush, SOMEONE is wearing it. Think the Weasley family from Harry Potter, but a little less magic…oh, and yeah, not fictional.

4. I am an ex-red head. That is to say as a young child I had bright ginger hair which somehow vanished as time went on…there are only a few photos which can prove this…but it is the truth! These days I am lumbered with all of the same inconveniences a red haired person may encounter – such as pale skin and a hatred of the sun, but none of the positive things – namely interesting hair. Instead I have mousey coloured hair…or dirty blonde…basically things that sound a little sewagey…that is the description my hair gets these days. Great.

5. I don’t make a regular habit of buying lottery tickets – simply because every single time (I have on perhaps three occasions) I truly and wholeheartedly believe I am going to win…like really, I honestly think that this is it, that any money woes are a thing of the past, and that by the end of the week I will be a multi-millionaire. I pick out houses, cars, fountains…I get in touch with statue designers and artists so that once the money comes through they can get to work on crafting out images of me that will be placed pride of place in my mansion for generations to come.

Then I sit down on the evening and find that none – not one of the numbers, has came through for me. I tend to enter a massive sulk for at least a week which totally consumes my whole life. Not worth the upheaval, not in the slightest.

6. I am somewhat of an over-thinker…actually the single biggest reason I try and go for every opportunity (whether it be travel or anything else) is largely because of some weird notion that it could pave the way to an even bigger opportunity that in retrospect I would have been a fool to miss out on. I always think of myself as a decrepit old man sitting in a rocking chair, slowly shitting myself to death, thinking of what would have happened if I…anyway, that is usually enough for me to think – “RIGHT JUST GO FOR IT!”