Posted on by Storytime with John

Aussie Adventures

I have noticed recently that I have been having a lot of readers from Australia! Usually I have a majority readership in the States, and the UK – but recently the Aussie folk have been checking the site out – which is great! 

I haven’t been to Australia (yet), that is certainly one for the future – I do have a dream of visiting New Zealand sometime soon…I want to put on a cape, wander in the hills, and have someone carry around a boombox playing The Lord of the RIngs soundtrack…you know, so I feel like Aragorn…

Aragon GIF

Maybe when that happens I will drop by Australia to see you guys! So in preparation, I had a little think, and did a little research – and I’ve came up with a list of reasons your wonderful country is a place I soon want to be writing about first hand.

Warning: the following is probably/definitely grossly inaccurate, so please correct me where necessary…but I gave it by best shot (kinda), so here we are…in first place:

The weather:

Sunny GIF

It’s like always sunny there, right? Which is nice, I can picture myself lying there sunning myself on a beach, or whatever – slapping on some dark oil, and ending up with a beautifully golden glow…people would walk by, and be all; “hey, nice tan!” and I would be all…“yeah, thanks for stating the obvious!” I would show people my tan lines, and they would be amazed at the tremendous force of the sun, which I have managed to harness in order to look ten times better than they possibly ever could.

I mean…yeah, I can picture this, in the most positive realm of my imagination…but this is definitely not what would happen…you would hear instant sizzling, and then I would be mistook for a huge slab of red meat, and promptly thrown on the barbie for the other tanned people to enjoy…ah, the circle of life!

That brings me rather neatly on to my next point:

The BBQs: 

BBQ GIF

Who doesn’t like BBQs?! Well…vegans, and vegetarians, I would imagine...but anyway, as a registered carnivore they are certainly a treat I like once in a while! Obviously I would never be as childish, and downright rude as Zac Efron –  I mean look at this guy…who would even dare? With the hair…and the muscles…and the “I don’t care if you wanted to eat this sausage John, I am using it for a hilarious prank to amuse my friends” look. Pfft.

I actually don’t have too much experience with BBQs…in England we occasionally have them in summer, but then it rains…and everyone runs inside, and eats disgusting burnt meat, that is somehow raw in the middle – slapped inside a now soggy bun. I imagine Australians have it down to an art, so yeah, I am expecting good things…

And what is a BBQ without:

The beer…

Buffy GIF

Who doesn’t like beer?! Well people who don’t drink…and those who don’t like beer…and people who want to blab about yeast all the time…but I find myself in none of those groups, so wooo! Let’s get this party started! Althooooughhhh…I have only ever had one Australian beer, which is unsurprisingly, Fosters. This beer, for want of a better phrase…tastes like stewed horse-piss, (that’s why Buffy is all “PLEASE NO MORE!”)…

What do Australians actually drink? That’s what I want to know – so I can join in with the merriment!

Anyway, this is the last draw for me:

The animals… 

Shark GIF

Who doesn’t like sharks?! Well people who have been in shark attacks I imagine. But still, you have to admit they are cool creatures. True warriors of the deep, even though they do get bad press. I would probably befriend one, and all the other sharks would think he was a weirdo…but then at the end, he would jump over me  – and they would make a movie about the whole experience, called “Free Finny” – and they would get Zac Efron to play my character.

There are a bunch of other weird, and wonderful creatures there – a large majority, it seems – which can kill you. For the longest time I thought Koala Bears were little cuties…so you know, at least it wasn’t all bad…but yesterday on National Geographic I saw them attacking each other like maniacs, the vicious bastards! Will I even survive if I go there?! Or will the police find me strangled to death by a Eucalyptus plant?!

EXHALE

So basically guys, I’ll come clean – I have no clue what to expect – my knowledge (if you can call it that), is based on second-hand information, shoddy internet research, and an overactive imagination…so please, do let me know what the REAL Australia is about…hopefully I will be there shortly with you guys! 

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68 Replies to “Aussie Adventures”

  2. Australia isn’t a bad place to live. We’ve got some lovely deserts to explore, a perfect coast and (my personal not-favourite), a complete lack of distinct seasons! Oh, I am proud to be an Aussie. : 3

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  3. Beer, sun, barbecues, yeah thats what it’s about! Not Foster’s though, no self-respecting Australian would drink Fosters. It’s not even usually available in a lot of pubs even if you did want to drink it!

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  6. I’ve met a few Aussies during my travels and they have been so chill and so fun! I would love to be surrounded by all those good vibes in Australia if I’m ever so lucky to visit and see what it’s all about.

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    1. I agree! I have had nothing but lovely encounters! Actually in Vietnam, I bumped into a group and we were automatic best friends! We even added each other on facebook, so I knew it was real! 😉

      I hope I am lucky enough to get there too! Maybe one day for the both of us!

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  9. nice post! i too have been having a lot of Aussies looking at my blog, everyone is welcome i guess! Australia has to be the best and most amazing country i have ever visited, the beaches, reefs its like one big island with everything being good, i mean, even the accents are amazing! but then again, i have never been to the US, that sure is the top 1 thing on my bucket list. thanks again for the entertaining post! 🙂

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    1. Of course! I just wanted to shout them out, and perhaps learn something in the process! Why not? 😀 Mind, your recommendation sounds amazing – dream world! It’s slowly moving up my list with every positive description!

      I need to go back to US, only spent time in Georgia, so much more to see! 🙂

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      1. i just read another comment, and i have one more thing to add: the people! i have an Australian friend, who is so chilled its unbelievable! Aussies are just Aussies, in their own separate category.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Hey! both a y’all need to come to Georgia!!! The weather here is real nice right now:) We’ll have a cook out, then head down to Florida for some beach! And if you want to see a really small town with lots of back roads and country folks come to Calhoun, that’s where I’m at:)

        As far as accents, I don’t think I have very much of a southern one, but I can play it up if I want!

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  10. *Don’t forget the vegemite.* Also, vegetarians can cook and grill on the rails right alongside your steaks and racks of rib. Some prefer to make veggie burgers and grill potato slices and other veggies. WE CAN coexist together on a grill, were all human, were all hungry, it can happen.

    (You can use this rant when you visit Australia, just in case you happen to meet, greet and grill with any non-animal eaters)

    Another banger for the blog. Thanks for sharing.

    -N.N. Team

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  11. One word- “CAVES” well maybe a few more words- since you mentioned New Zealand there’s fantastic caving opportunity there as well but I’m looking forward to the International Speleology Congress in Sydney 2017,

    Click to access Speleo2017-v01.pdf

    course I also hope to do some diving, hear they have a little reef they’re proud of there a bouts, and maybe see some of them sharks you mentioned 🙂

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  14. I think you’ll find the people the best thing about Australia. Aussies are a unique breed, there’s an attitude to life and an easiness that you don’t find in other places. She’ll be right mate.

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  15. The important thing to remember is that we Australians are just regular people like you, except way more awesome.
    JOKING! We do have a very dry sense of humour, so prepare yourself for that. It’s also very rare that we say things like ‘strewth’, ‘g’day mate’ and ‘chuck another shrimp on the barbie’. We call them prawns, not shrimp.
    Um, what else. You’re pretty bang on about the weather – it’s usually bearable here. Right now at 8:50am on a beautiful Sunday morning, it’s a lovely 19 degrees. It’s pretty awesome. Lots of Aussies drink beer, but cider is getting really popular here too. And wine, I personally love wine. But we’ll let you drink whatever you like, we’re not judgmental like that.
    So if you’re going to travel all the way to New Zealand, you should definitely come to Australia too – we’re not that far by plane. Only a couple of hours I think.

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  16. Granted I’m a little biased, but one of the things I much prefer about NZ than Aussie is the relative absence of nasty critters. Whenever I visit our large western neighbour I’m paranoid that I’ll find a massive spider eyeballing me from the ceiling/wall or hiding in my shoe. Admittedly I’ve not experienced this on my four trips over there to date, but still.

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      1. I don’t know where to even start with that! It’s a beautiful country, fantastic place to rent a car and take a massive road trip. I live in the capital city at the bottom of the North Island but the South Island is my favourite – no one can visit NZ and not go down there. It’s well worth the big effort to travel here 🙂

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  17. I’m Australian 🙂 I live in Melbourne and not that I am biased or anything but really, Melbourne should be at the top of your list when visiting Australia as it is the best city in the country!! 😀

    Be prepared for:
    1 – giant flies that invite themselves at every BBq. We BBq everything (onions/tomatoes/veggies on a stick for the vegetarians/shrimps etc). Oh and btw – the beauty of the BBQ is to have the meat slightly burned on the outside and slightly raw inside lol

    2 – all seasons in one day. For example yesterday it hit 33 degrees and in the afternoon strong winds almost blew us away as they brought a cool change overnight, dropping the temperature down to 17 degrees. Of course, sometimes we have a streak of over 40 degrees for up to a week. When that happens, (and I have experienced this myself) we all run to the supermarket to buy all the frozen ice creams we can get our hands except the freezer looks like it’s been looted in a riot…
    Don’t even think about sunbaking on those days because you will get heat stroke and free skin cancer along with your tan. That’s why we sell….TINTED MOISTURISER!!

    3 – I personally hate the taste of beer but everyone drinks it all the time and they are mad for it. We even have a large of beer from the more every day budget beer to the more posh kind you might drink in a smart bar. You can easily avoid drinking beer by saying you are your mate’s designated driver 😀

    4 – Yes, we do sometimes see kangaroos jumping across the street and no it’s not out in the far bush. It happened to me once on the way to uni. It depends what suburb you are in but wildlife here is protected so they roam freely.

    5- We abbreviate everything. for example you will notice I wrote uni instead of university. At first it will sound like a foreign language instead of English but you’ll get the hang of it

    To experience shark swimming over your head you must visit Melbourne aquarium where they have built a glass tunnel especially for this experience. If you are brave enough, you could also get married under the water with the creatures swimming round you, I saw that once while I was visiting it.

    In short, we may not have the Sydney Opera House but we have EVERYTHING else 😀 We have:
    Chinatown (all Chinese shops and restaurants)
    Lygon street – (pretty much all Italian restaurants)
    Johnson street – where we host our now annual Latin American festivals and there are many delicious Latin American restaurants
    Melbourne Aquarium
    Immigration Museum
    Sovereign Hill – where people dress up in colonial costumes and you can pretend to search for gold in the small river….I keep trying and not finding anything
    Want Malaysian for breakfast, Chinese for lunch and can’t decide between Persian or afghani cuisine for dinner? We have them all 🙂
    and so many more thing…

    So, I think I have proven we are the best Australian city 😀

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  18. I’m a real Aussie and can attest that it is indeed a great place. I have travelled to many places and have seen a lot, so feel able to make that comment. 😊 We have great weather, great animals, lots of space, nice friendly people, fantastic scenery and so much more – what isn’t to like?? Where I live we have 4 distinct seasons, even snow sometimes! Today is a beautiful sunny spring day with about 26 degrees celsius expected. You’d best come and have a look for yourself, you’ll be pleasantly surprised I guarantee it!

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      1. Thats good! I must tell you that i was out running yesterday and nearly trod on a black snake. It can also be a scary place, even for us locals, so be warned!

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  20. Definitely read Bill Bryson’s “Down Under”. I believe it had a different title in the US. I pissed myself laughing the whole way through it. The day I was reading about his fear of snakes I killed a brown snake with a hammer. And what, you may ask, was a brown snake doing with a hammer?
    Australia is a country searching for a way to kill you:
    THE SUN will dehydrate you and you’ll die of heat stroke
    THE RAIN (yes we do get some) will cause it to flood and you’ll drown
    THE SURF will suck you out to sea in a rip and you’ll drown
    THE BUSH will cause you to get lost on a 5 minute walk. 10 years later someone will stumble across your bones
    BBQs – well, men only cook when there’s danger involved. Maybe the oil with catch alight and you’ll die in the subsequent fire
    FIRE is everywhere
    THE ANIMALS are just waiting for you, lulling you into a false sense of security. Especially the koalas which are not bears and calling them koala bears will cause Australians to kill you.
    Other than that it’s pretty good so come on down.
    I really want to know how you know what stewed horse-piss tastes like.
    Oh, and have I introduced you to the drop bear?

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    1. I think it is wonderfully crazy that you have summer in my winter time, I have some friends out there, and I smiled so widely when I saw them having Christmas dinner…outside…in nothing but shorts!

      Anyway, I digress – but thanks for the tips – strong sunscreen is a good friend of mine 😉 thank you !

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      1. Christmas is always amusing, especially since we listen to all the same carols…. “Let it Snow” and similar ones take on a slightly ironic note lol 🙂 personally, I can’t wait until I can do a white christmas somewhere in the northern hemisphere!

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      1. Yes it can be after you forgot you had it in your fridge for over 2 weeks … disgusting, smells like wet dog 😀

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  23. Ahahaa the above comment! Even funnier because I was just about to tell you the same things, though I’ll give you some good news too. If you fly into Sydney airport, go to the customer service counter and ask for your kangaroo. Every visitor from the U.K. gets their very own to get around on while they’re here – it’s a special deal to show our huge affection for the British. Don’t go to Melbourne because they give you an emu, and they like to peck.

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  25. Okay firstly it all depends where you go. We have winter but yes it’s closer to a English summer than a winter. But we still find it cold. Sydney is amazing (I live there) but there is a lot more to see than just Sydney. Check out my post on Port Douglas that’s where you have to go. Simply stunning. As for beer yes there is a lot to choose from but no one drinks Fosters like they put in movies & media. Just make sure you wear lots of sunscreen as you will burn it a crisp with that pasty white skin 😉 Let us know & we’ll help you see & do the best none tourist things!

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  27. Aussie is ok. I spent a year there, six months backpacking and covered a good amount of ground. Honestly though, NZ is waaaaaaaay better – except maybe for the weather but we make up for that in spades with scenery, personality, attitude, adrenaline and just general awesomeness. And we’ve got the All Blacks. But none of these deadly animals the Aussies have to deal with!

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  28. Pingback: Aussie Adventures | Reiki Kidz

  29. Hop over to Australia before NZ, John. Very different. The Aussies are relaxed (but the Kiwis make them seem stressed, by comparison).
    These are the things you don’t hear about (before you move your family there having NEVER set foot in the place):
    Cockroaches – they’re big and they fly and they get everywhere. They like toothbrushes.
    Heating – there is a lack of this and in winter it can actually feel quite cold.
    Weather – you can ski at the Snowy Mountains
    Sport – if the Aussies lose an International game, there will be no mention of it on tv, radio or in the newspapers.
    Can do – The Aussies have this attitude which I liked. They’re also a hardy type of people; they’ve had to be. Beautiful as their country is, it is a harsh place.
    Spiders – I only met one Aussie who had been bitten by a spider (or one who admitted it). I only saw a Red back once in 3 years but did meet plenty of 8 legged Huntsmen which are the stuff of nightmares.
    Sydney Airport Customs – these guys are humorless and aren’t there to make friends with you.
    I’ll shut up now.
    Loved that country.

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  30. Haha i love this. I’m an Aussie and i bloody love my country so much. Tourists mainly go to Melbourne or Sydney because they’re known for their attractions and all. Best time to come would be between December and March as its summer and there’s a lot more stuff going on. Aussies are very laid back and friendly you have got to come down when you can!

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  31. Australia is all about space. Lots of it. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of it. And it comes in all shapes and sizes and colours and textures.

    We have a population of 23 million but a landmass the size of the USA. I lived in Greater Los Angeles for 17 years where there are more people than my entire country.

    Glad to be home again, stretch out the legs and enjoy the space. It’s a wonderful thing. 🙂

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  32. As an Aussie, I had to laugh at this post. And I’m glad somebody mentioned drop-bears in the comments. It’s important to know about them. This week at work we had a venomous snake (a Dugite) slither in the front door of our library. Nothing unusual but people still freaked out as though they had never seen a snake before and that this one had been purposely sent to kill them at their desk. Oh and another thing – Vegemite is gross. There is no excuse for it.

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  35. Get over here! I have just returned home (Sydney) from visiting the UK (North and South) and Hong Kong: Australia wins all the prizes for everything. I emigrated here a while ago and am in love. Reasons? Sun, ocean, wildlife, attitude, locals, way of life, space, beauty, diversity, common sense…Australia seems to know what it’s doing without even trying!

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