Genius on the Subway!

As we all probably know…it’s often a challenge to get a seat on the subway, especially at rush hour! But this young genius had the answer…

Subway Seat

Spotted somewhere near Seoul – proven way to be guaranteed a seat! Brilliant!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

The Sandwich Day

We are often told by Hallmark card sentimentalists that “life is a rollercoaster”, and that “there are ups and downs”, and whatever else they bother to print. Which may or may not be true, but that’s not the point I’m making. Instead I am just stating that these printed catch-all messages don’t prepare you for the real depressingly low slumps in the human experience. I mean if they did, then we wouldn’t be so shocked every time these ugly demons dared to spring forth and rudely shake us from our peaceful normality…

You see recently there were whispers around my workplace of a “sandwich day” for the kids. So naturally I was overjoyed! A WHOLE DAY OF SANDWICHES – A WHOLE WORKDAY OF SANDWICH DEVOTED WORSHIP! I mean come on…I said “overjoyed” – but there’s not even a word for how excited I was! Actually maybe there is…let me Google that real quick…ah wait, here it is:

I WAS RAPTUROUSLY BEATIFIC!   

Jim GIF

Yes…that! Imagine a whole day dedicated to sandwiches. I mean, I don’t know how it would really work – but I’m just imagining that maybe each kid brings in a different bread, or cheese, or veggies, or meat…and maybe there would be different sauces…dressings…or you know…whatever on the go – no biggie. Maybe we could test out which breads tasted better as they are, or which should be toasted. Just an idea! Oh! Yeah, and maybe we could check to see if certain cheeses complemented other items, and which worked against them and were a little too overpowering you know? Basically it would be a service to science in a way…we’d be helping people, we’d change lives. It wouldn’t just be about eating sandwiches – although that would be an obvious key component of the day.

Sandwich GIF

(These were my brief thoughts on the matter, I must make it clear that I didn’t spend too much time dwelling – and the proposed sandwich day definitely didn’t seep into my sleeping dreams…)

Anyway…it turns out the aforementioned sandwich day just means that we have the Tuesday off work, and not the Monday – or something like that. So Monday is like a huge stinking lump of ham in the middle of two glorious pieces of bread (the Sunday, and the Tuesday). Consequently ~ the term sandwich day was formed.

You’d think I would be pleased with all this talk of days off work, and whatever else…but that is not the case – instead I find myself mourning the loss of sandwiches that could have been…and burrowing away in daydreams about what they would look like, and how they would taste…

Sad GIF

Perhaps I’ll have my own sandwich day! Yeah, that’ll show em – off to the shops now, wish me luck!  

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Treasure Your Kids! (Haemorrhoids)

I get a bit sappy on this one…also, erm…haemorrhoids. Apologies. 

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

YouTube Channel!

I have finally been granted my own unique channel link by the YouTube Gods! Not sure why, but I’m not complaining! I’m working on a ‘travel tips’ video at the moment after one of you lovelies requested it – so keep an eye out for that!

Oh, and here are the other YouTube videos so far, if you missed them the first time around! Perfect for a lazy Sunday binge watch!

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Feels Good to be a Gangsta

FINALLY! My super top-secret, massively illegal, and deep down, dastardly plan is almost complete! It’s been a long time in the making, but it was good to see my super mysterious confidant (Allan Still – real name, Margaret Smithson) come through for me.

Email Winner

I trust you guys, which is why I am letting you in on this little hustle. You may have noted that my code name is “Attn”, it’s what I’m known as in the streets you see…it stands for, errr…“Astronaut Trout Trouble Neanderthal”  – because one time I punched a guy so hard, he thought he had went into space, and now he talks like a trout…just sitting in a chair bubbling away to himself.

Anyway, if you want to be involved then all you need to do is send your name, address, telephone, blood type, and left lung to the “Delivery Agent” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, he-he-he)  listed above. Cheers! See you in prison soon! 

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