GET THE DADBOD!

Some words of advice from my Eastern European(?!) alter-ego…not sure where he came from but whatever – DADBOD! GET ON IT!

I’m silly sometimes, sorry. Okay…all the time…

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

The Facebook You

Thanks to the dear old internet we all know and love, we live a rather strange and abstract state of being. A one filled with more tricks than the mightiest of magicians. And just like the illusionist we are constantly revealing only select parts of ourselves, but refusing to show the whole thing to anyone…for fear we are unveiled as a fraud. Someone who won’t be accepted. Someone who won’t be loved…

Crying Alone GIF

But despite this people are often told “just be yourself!” – which is all well and good…but what if we suck? What if we truly act in ways that are in line with our true nature…and people reject us for it? What then? Just keep going on that path of loneliness till we die?

That’s our internal voice speaking…and in the age of the internet it is louder than ever, and moreover is listened to a lot more too. So to combat this we crop, cut, and reorder our life…selecting only the best parts of our existence to share with the rest of the world – and stifling the rest. Praying it’ll never be made public! I mean the shame of it all if someone found out something awful…

…like not giving two shits about fucking cute kitten videos.

Kittens GIF

People should just be honest – if you hate the sound of  babies laughing, and enjoy chewing on your hair…just state it! No one will think you are weird, I promise!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Feels Good to be a Gangsta

FINALLY! My super top-secret, massively illegal, and deep down, dastardly plan is almost complete! It’s been a long time in the making, but it was good to see my super mysterious confidant (Allan Still – real name, Margaret Smithson) come through for me.

Email Winner

I trust you guys, which is why I am letting you in on this little hustle. You may have noted that my code name is “Attn”, it’s what I’m known as in the streets you see…it stands for, errr…“Astronaut Trout Trouble Neanderthal”  – because one time I punched a guy so hard, he thought he had went into space, and now he talks like a trout…just sitting in a chair bubbling away to himself.

Anyway, if you want to be involved then all you need to do is send your name, address, telephone, blood type, and left lung to the “Delivery Agent” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, he-he-he)  listed above. Cheers! See you in prison soon! 

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KID’S DRAWINGS SUCK! (RANT)

I had to get this off my chest – it’s an injustice that should be made history, immediately! Why we put up with it I just don’t know! 

I think I made my point…ish…kinda

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