Why Do Men Have to Use Urinals?! (Video Request)

Why is it that it is okay for men to pee in a pot with an audience, but not for ladies? Well, it’s certainly a pretty weird issue…but a one I was glad to delve into (eww)…

What do you think? Don’t be a shy bladder – get involved with the gross debate!

Oh, and if you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Public Pooping (China)

China – Wuhan ~ 2012

A move to a different country is difficult, you have to contend with a different time zone, a different language and a whole different culture. It can be pretty hard, but eventually you adapt. You get to know the layout of your city; you get a favourite café, pub and a place to hang out…slowly you learn that McDonalds isn’t the only thing you can relate to (not that you don’t return every so often/all the time).

Continue reading “Public Pooping (China)”

Peed my Pants.

Let me vent about a horrible little BASTARD at my work-place…this piece of shit, urghhhh  – look alright, I’m sorry and everything, but this simply has to be said. I can’t put it off any longer, and I can’t let this kind of behaviour slide for one second more! I just can’t let it pass! After all, if I don’t say anything then no one will! Not a single soul! It’s almost like I’m the only one who cares!

Who am I talking about you wonder? Which spawn of satan is it I speak of? Which horrendous beast from the darkest depths of a man’s nightmares?!

Ace GIF

THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE, IT IS NONE OTHER THAN A LEAKY URINAL!

It taunts me every single day – without fail. It invites me into it’s little area, makes me feel welcome – tells me I am the only one…which is actually strictly true as I am the only male in the entire office! But then just as I am in one of the most relaxing states a man can achieve, it splutters, and spits all over me…leaving me doing a little two step jig to try and avoid the messy spray of the damn thing!

So naturally afterwards it looks as if I have no control over my…well you know. I come out of the bathroom littered with drips all over my shoes, and lower half. I am forced to cling to the walls, walk backwards…anything to make being found out more difficult…

Excuse the pun, but it’s not like I can come clean – “Hey, don’t you hate that urinal in there girls? Right…RIGHT?! I mean it LOOKS like I have peed all over myself, but actually it’s the toilets fault…”

Leaky urinal GIF

“Yeah, yeah…whatever you say…” they would reply, thinking it was one of those thou doth protest too much moments. Fucking Shakespeare, you ruined it for other guys you terrible prick!!

Anyway, it’s taken me a year of this nightmare (trying to dodge the sensor, trying to wear darker clothes, trying to not care that it looks like I’ve pissed all over my shoes) to realise I could just use the proper toilet, and avoid the fuss altogether. I guess I must like a challenge or something, or I’m a complete idiot. The latter is more likely. 

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Washed Thumbs.

I’ve noticed something (BREEEEP-BREEEEEP! MASSIVE GENERALISATION ALERT! BREEEEP! BREEEEP!) there is less of a fondness towards the washing of one’s hands after use of the lavatory here in Korea. Well, the men at least, the older men in particular – I can’t really speak for the ladies – they frown upon me entering their bathroom you see. I know! Political correctness gone mad! Anyway, I digress…

My point is that a healthy majority just seem to splash, and dash. I imagine they feel that the urinal (hate that word! That’s my equivalent to people’s distaste to ‘moist’) is less of a touchy, touchy situation so they reckon they don’t have to wash their hands…

Korea GIF

Now I’m not here to launch some kind of campaign. I don’t want people to start ranting on Twitter, and making phrases like #SKHandWash, or #PeePeeGate trend. I just needed to provide that background so I could tell you of a funny little occurrence I had today –

I was in the public bathroom after watching the surprisingly good Big Hero 6 – and as per usual I’m cramped in the corner, and just trying to be over, and done as fast as humanely possible. It was really squashed, and tight in there which made the whole process all the more stifling, and irritating. However for how many people there were in there – there was only one guy standing at the sink washing his hands! Result, I thought to myself! In a weird kinda way…the lackadaisical approach to basic hygiene has paid off!

So I strolled over there – well not strolled, the floor was all wet, and a relaxed stroll could have meant I’d slip over and fall face first into a thousand men’s combined urine trail. So no, it was more of a cautious stepping, I lied about the stroll thing. Wanted to appear more cool I guess. Apologies. 

Disaster GIF

Anyway I got to the sink, and felt my other hand-washing partner stare me down. I could sense him in my peripheral vision – just glaring at me, as he massaged the soap into his hands. Perhaps he is so used to being the only one washing his hands that he took me as a threat?! A rival to his position?! I couldn’t be sure, so I looked back at him, to see what his deal was –

But he wasn’t grimacing with anger at all – he was smiling, in fact he looked over the moon!

“Hand washing?” he beamed, as he winked, and held up soapy thumbs as a sign of his excitement,

“Yeah…” I said, rather blankly – instantly feeling bad for not reciprocating his positivity,

“We’re cool guys. Hand washing is cool!” he cooed, as he dried his hands. I nodded, and did my best fake smile – which felt convincing at the time. He then clicked his fingers, and did a little half-dance wiggle, before heading out.

Back GIF

So my thoughts regarding the whole thing are this – perhaps a nationwide commercial/advertisement? With that guy as the face of the whole thing…he could revolutionize the culture. He certainly changed my view on the whole thing!

But how do I find him…hmmm…

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Tweety Bird

The other day I was at a shopping center, and needed to pee. Nothing out of the ordinary there! After all, I often need to pee…well not often, I don’t have bladder problems, or weird kidneys – don’t get the wrong idea, it’s not like a running to the bathroom every two seconds thing, just you know sometimes – I just drink liquid, and then…it’s like…I think we are over-thinking this, can we please move on?

Ahem. So yeah, errr…I headed to the bathroom…

Bieber Nervous GIF

I walked past a guy leaning on the wall, who then decided he would tail me in…quite odd behaviour – I would have probably been more concerned was I not bursting so much to urinate. In fact, I would have definitely highlighted him in my peripheral vision as a possible lunatic, and taken the necessary steps (using a cubicle) so I wouldn’t have to deal with him. But the burning pain of the wee-wee clouded my judgment. 

Instead I just picked a urinal (hate that word, I know you didn’t ask – but still, urgh), and got down to it. He was a starer…I could feel his eyes on me, you always can – I tried to man-oeuvre myself for minimum genital visibility, using a bit of coat, and left hand to provide some camouflage…but he didn’t give up – this whole process made my whole process stop, I couldn’t handle the pressure of the sudden audience I had…but I was strangely still desperate to go…if only he would stop staring this whole thing could be over with! I began to sweat, and shake – as the sharp shooting pains ran through my lower regions.

sweat nervous GIF

I changed tactic. I began to stare back at him, not like…at his…I wasn’t doing eye for an eye, I was staring at his eyeballs instead – I also coupled this with a look which I hoped said loud and clear; “I am not enjoying this little exchange, so can you kindly please stop staring at my penis, thank you ever so much, and good day!”

He turned away, the complete relief flooded out – I turned to read the advertisement on the board in front of me, something about hair-loss by the looks of it…I pondered whether I would ever get it done, will I go bald? I am not sure if-

“TWWWWEEEETTTT, CHIRRRUPPPP, TWEEET – TWEEET!”

I instantly spun around to face him again, he was smirking…what a psychopath…oh, hahahaha – let’s pick out a guy who is clearly dying to pee, and then torment him so that he can’t do it…let’s stare at him, let’s make strange weird noises, everything, anything – to drive him MENTAL.

I tried not to let him bother me, I stared into the other corner…imagined running water…visualised the wee-wee…

“TWWWWEEEETTTT, CHIRRRUPPPP, TWEEET – TWEEET!”

There he was again. And what could I do? I can’t exactly run up to a police officer, and announce “excuse me, this man…he won’t let me pee!”  I mean, I certainly haven’t ever witnessed that on an episode of CSI – maybe they should do a story-line regarding that subject, make people aware that this stuff does happen, and it needs to STOP!

“TWWWWEEEETTTT, CHIRRRUPPPP, TWEEET – TWEEET!”

He turned to face me, smirked…and then headed out of the door, obviously didn’t wash his hands, but then again who has time to wash their hands in between creep sessions? He has a schedule to keep Godddamit!

But at last I was alone, at last I could pee in peace.

Leo relief GIF

In that moment, I was on top of the world – had someone else been there, I may have attempted a high five…well actually, that would be very unhygienic, but you get my point – it was a simple pleasure, but an amazing one…it felt like a victory for some reason.

“TWWWWEEEETTTT, CHIRRRUPPPP, TWEEET – TWEEET!”

There he was again!?!?! As I was washing my hands, I looked around the corner, expecting to seem him perched there giggling to himself….I checked the cubicles…I began to wonder if I had imagined it all in some bizarre delusion…

“TWWWWEEEETTTT, CHIRRRUPPPP, TWEEET – TWEEET!”

That’s when I looked up, and saw a huge speaker with the words “BIRDS_RELAX_1”

Naturally I felt like a fool – but then I did the usual self protection of my ego, internally questioning as to why anyone would create such a device. Especially in a men’s bathroom…could there be anything more scary, and less relaxing, than a bird of prey circling a man with his err, manhood, out?

Pfft…well, at least I know for next time. Sorry for the hostile stares Mr. Creeper!

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