Let me vent about a horrible little BASTARD at my work-place…this piece of shit, urghhhh – look alright, I’m sorry and everything, but this simply has to be said. I can’t put it off any longer, and I can’t let this kind of behaviour slide for one second more! I just can’t let it pass! After all, if I don’t say anything then no one will! Not a single soul! It’s almost like I’m the only one who cares!
Who am I talking about you wonder? Which spawn of satan is it I speak of? Which horrendous beast from the darkest depths of a man’s nightmares?!
THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE, IT IS NONE OTHER THAN A LEAKY URINAL!
It taunts me every single day – without fail. It invites me into it’s little area, makes me feel welcome – tells me I am the only one…which is actually strictly true as I am the only male in the entire office! But then just as I am in one of the most relaxing states a man can achieve, it splutters, and spits all over me…leaving me doing a little two step jig to try and avoid the messy spray of the damn thing!
So naturally afterwards it looks as if I have no control over my…well you know. I come out of the bathroom littered with drips all over my shoes, and lower half. I am forced to cling to the walls, walk backwards…anything to make being found out more difficult…
Excuse the pun, but it’s not like I can come clean – “Hey, don’t you hate that urinal in there girls? Right…RIGHT?! I mean it LOOKS like I have peed all over myself, but actually it’s the toilets fault…”
“Yeah, yeah…whatever you say…” they would reply, thinking it was one of those thou doth protest too much moments. Fucking Shakespeare, you ruined it for other guys you terrible prick!!
Anyway, it’s taken me a year of this nightmare (trying to dodge the sensor, trying to wear darker clothes, trying to not care that it looks like I’ve pissed all over my shoes) to realise I could just use the proper toilet, and avoid the fuss altogether. I guess I must like a challenge or something, or I’m a complete idiot. The latter is more likely.
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John Lee Taggart 
Being as well versed in bathroom weirdness as I am, I suggest you try an off angle stance approximately 27 degrees from the spray / splash.
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Wow. Simply wow.
Protest and Create Signs lol.
Trust me…I can see your frustration
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OMG! Too funny! But you know it’s a lot easier for you to pee pretty much anywhere, us ladies, not so much.
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haha true! I think this is the only recorded situation where it doesn’t hold true!
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Being the only male in the office ,the least they could do is fix this!
As for the shoe problem…maybe look for something to cover/protect them? How about these blue plastic baglike things you get when entering a gym or swimmingpool? Or just stick them under the blowdryer if you have one 😉
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Hahaha… use the toilet… concept!
Meanwhile shoe wise… wax up your shoes good. The urine will bead up and slide right off of there.
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Urghhhhh!!! That was so gross hahahaha!
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I thought you’d like it LOL.
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I couldn’t help but giggle at you post. Suggestions…You might have to carry a hairdryer… Or ask the office to fix it.
Going to the toilet shouldn’t be so stressful. Hope things get better for you 😉
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I’d say use the toilet. That urinal is clearly no good.
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Definitely making that switch!
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Good choice!
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I have the opposite problem at my work. For some reason the sensor never works for me, but of course it’s no problem for anyone else. It’s always an awkward moment when there’s someone waiting behind me while I frantically wave my hand back and forth in front of the sensor to no avail.
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This is too funny.
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Hmm maybe this is the reason why many Indian men decide to pee on the footpaths, meadows etc. And all this time I thought they were doing it because they COULD do it!
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Wear the splashes like badges. Tell the females if they question that you have a strong stream
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hahahaha! Damn you sir! I just giggled in public like a maniac!
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John, had no idea where you were going with this. Made me laugh…the blasted urinal! Glad you figured it out…Christine
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Ha Ha! Soo funny, especially as you could have used the toilet all along! 🙂
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I have to do things the hard way for some reason haha!
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I’m a bit like that myself! 🙂
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It’s our cross to bear 😉
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It was a good idea to clearify that, John… lol
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Need to run these things by my blogging family, haha 🙂
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I feel honored about your openness… haha! I love the way you just get things off of your chest in your charming honesty.
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haha! Yes, worst thing is my parents read this…oh well…
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Bahahaha…. I hear you!!!!
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Hahaha so good. I will pray for your shoes.
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Thank you! They truly need it! haha!
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Oh yum! I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day, being sprinkled with toilet water and all.
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I am reminded that I once read about Sadhus (Indian wandering mystics / yogis) who claimed to have so much control over there sexual energies that they bled seamen.
And this in turn reminds me about the awkwardness of trying to be a Catholic with regards to all things sex.
I’m not saying I don’t think that sex and masturbation are probably more often than not, or nearly always, destructive (in some way or another). But then its not easy to avoid making a mess in ourselves and in this world.
If you’re stuck with the spitting urinal and can’t figure out to just use the toilet instead, and you find this painful and frustrating, then maybe consider that this kind of thing could be happening all the time, sometimes with devastating consequences. What does one do?
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D’oh.
And, yeah, Shakespeare: what a prick!
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Try as I might I confess I don’t understand the experience in its entirety, but I can commiserate with you. Also, I am mystified by the fact that unlike you there are intelligent, articulate men out there that are blissfully unaware of good restroom hygiene and etiquette.
You book, though, is amazing. You could be the male version of Scheherazade. 😀
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HIlarious and informative! I expect nothing less from you. Next time I see the guy that I assumed waited to long to go to the restroom, I promise not to think he was negligent!
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