Posted on by Storytime with John

McDoofus

Let me tell you something that may just change your life – in Asian countries (or at least all the ones I have visited), there exists something so ground breaking and heavenly, that on first hearing this you probably won’t believe your ears…I’m talking of course, about – McDonalds Home Delivery…or as the cool kids call it: McDelivery.

I’ll just let that soak in for a minute or three…

Gourmet Shit GIF

I mean, come on! Starting off the day eating a Sausage McMuffin, in the comfort of your own home, whilst in your underpants…well in my book that is beginning the day’s proceedings like a king! The only issue? Erm…obviously you have to navigate the delivery from your phone – in a different language, which is, shall we say – a bit of a nightmare to say the least!

So this morning I was out of milk, and was up early after a horrendous night of lying in the same spot for several hours (you probably refer to it as sleep, but I don’t get much of that unfortunately!) Anyway, I decided to drag myself along to McDonalds for a pick me up – by the way, YES, I do know that fast food is bad for you and blah blah blah; but I am not one to be embarrassed about something I enjoy, especially something that fucking delicious…who cares if other people disapprove? After all my version of heaven would involve a cheesy, greasy, Sausage McMuffin in some way, so why not embrace this?

Oh my God. Now I can’t stop thinking about them…that’s your fault reader…please send me one by way of apology, cheers!

Seriously I am getting so side tracked by this McMorning talk…where was I?…err…ah, yes! So I burst in there with my usual zeal of enthusiasm every time unhealthy food is involved, and used my poor grasp of Korean to order what I wanted…DISCLAIMER: DON’T JUDGE…which was two Sausage McMuffin combo sets (I’m a growing boy leave me alone!!!!) Anyway, for some reason he told me that the Egg McMuffin was cheaper – I would have told him that the Egg McMuffin is fucking revolting, and that I wouldn’t even feed it to my worst enemy – but I don’t know how to say all of that, so instead I just said no, and made a I’m being sick gesture with my hands…he seemed freaked out, but at least he appeared to understand.

Freaked GIF

It was surprising then, when the tray was handed to me with three coffees, two Sausage McMuffins, and my sworn enemy the dreaded Egg McMuffin…I have a big appetite, but even this was a little much…but for some reason…I…just…started to walk away with it – I guess the HUGE hassle that would be explaining the mix up and getting a refund just didn’t seem worth it to me! So I sat down, and said nothing.

That’s when I saw a poor old lady, sitting by herself…she didn’t have any food or drink in front of her…instead, it appeared that she was using the free WIFI to watch the Korea vs Russia world cup match…smart lady for sure…

I always make an extra effort with the older generation in Korea, after all a lot of them seem to cling on to the old negative stereotype of the male foreigner as a boozy, lazy, sex crazed snake. Unfortunate, but true. So naturally, without much thought I walked over and placed it in front of her, and attempted to explain the situation – after the usual, NO, NO,NO! Yes please take it! NO, NO, I couldn’t! She eventually accepted it, and said thank you – I had done my good deed for the day, and I would expect my scout badge for helping the elderly sometime soon!

But alas, this positive feeling didn’t last for long…as soon as I opened up my second sandwich she darted up and walked over to the cash register to give the guy hell – I barely understood a word, but her crazed tone made my ears turn a bright red (I didn’t have a mirror or anything, I just knew)…after some deliberation she was granted a refund, and proceeded to march proudly over to my table.

“I am do!” she announced, with a confident swagger; before returning to her seat to watch what was left of the game.

I suppose one good turn deserves another – but this left me feeling like a hindrance more than anything! After I left I tried to find some blind people at the road side, who may need help across the road…I thought it might restore that positive energy I had enjoyed a glimmer of…

However I was only able to find a man wearing sunglasses, close enough I thought – but he had mixed feelings about me trying to yank him across the road…there’s always tomorrow I guess…

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47 Replies to “McDoofus”

      1. I’m lazy and don’t want to move in this cold weather. Doesn’t that mcdelivery sound good? 🙂

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  5. I fell in love with the Egg McMuffin while pregnant with my daughter, but now 4 years later, I also find them disgusting. I have to say that if we had McDelivery I’d be so BROKE!!!

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  6. But wait! The lady claimed the refund for herself, or presented it to you, having thought you’d palmed an unwanted egg McMuffin off on her to return for you? I’m so confused and I must know!

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  8. I am with Claudia. I don’t know whether the Korean lady gave the refund money to you or kept it for herself. If she kept it for herself, then you have a funnier story here and you should do some rewriting so as to reflect how you got “taken advantage of” by a nice little old lady. You know how young girls feel they get taken advantage of at night by guys they meet in bars? Well, you are a guy that got taken advantage of by a “girl” you met in the morning, in a McDonalds. Could be very funny!

    While I don’t really like to read pieces sprinkled with the F word, I realize that it doesn’t bother some readers. Just use it judiciously, when no other word conveys what you are trying to say.

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    1. I just write the story as it happens, and I wasn’t sure really what happened in terms of the refund (language barrier) which is why I left the specifics there as a vague unknown!

      Oh, and my writing is an attempt to put into writing my conversational style when I tell stories (in person) to people, so everything from my accent, choice of words and vernacular reflect that. It’s not for everyone, but that’s my style.

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

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  9. Here in Dubai, McDonald’s delivers. As does pretty much everyone else. Including the little grocery shop beneath me. I can phone down and say I need toilet paper and they’ll bring it up for me. No news on whether they’ll wipe for me, but I could find out.

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  10. That was crazy! Good deeds gone totally wrong. Although I would have to say that you’ve already done a good deed just bu writing this post. I was kind of feeling down just before I read your post. And now I’m totally up and about!

    I knew your blog was good. B)

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  11. Your description of sleep…. is the best way I have ever heard it described! I have MEGA insomnia and it indeed does feel like being tortured. At twenty-three I thought i’d have this down by now, BUT I guess sleeping will never be my thing.

    Dammit. I used to love Mcdonald’s breakfast! The sausage biscuit is where it’s at for me. NOW I WANT ONE… Resist the urge…. what have you done!

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      1. Well it started as MaccyD’s, but then, we got lazier with our speech (as Aussies do) and just got out the Maccas part. Now even Australian MacDanolds calls itself Maccas on all the adds! They you go, a little lessons on lazy Aussie language hahaha.

        Liked by 1 person

  21. Burger King delivers now, but their breakfast sandwiches taste like shit and the eggs aren’t perfectly round, big issue.
    Also, you’re eating the wrong sandwich. I think you meant to put “mcgriddle.”

    I’ve attempted the good deed thing with someone before, this man hit me with his seeing eye cane asking for change, which I gave, and offered to walk him to the bus stop. He could see well enough to give my ass a good squeeze.
    So there’s a lesson too. Don’t ever trust someone who claims to be blind, they are liars.

    Liked by 1 person

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