The Friend Zone

I have a HUGE, HUGE problem – you see, I have a friend…

I KNOW – TERRIBLE! BUT IT GETS WORSE…MUCH WORSE…

This friend, unfortunately…is of the opposite sex. It’s unthinkable! Unfathomable! Urghhh, I can’t believe this madness exists in the world…it’s made even stranger as it doesn’t feel weird, I mean it feels the same as a regular same-sex friendship – but it is NOT – I am in the friend zone; a desolate land that no one wants to be, ever…it’s kind of like a desert of broken souls, and unimagined dreams…and the fact that I didn’t realise I was here, makes it even worse, even more sad, even more depressing.

This was me and my so called friend, just before I found out about my wretched, and impure soul that our so called friendship was built around – 

Harry Hermione GIF

People actually feel sorry for me, and so they should. I’m a total, and utter, loser. I didn’t know I was breaking any rules…I just thought I had a friend, a nice-normal friend…but no…I was in the friend zone all along – the betrayal, the disgusting series of lies…I feel so stupid, how did I not see this coming?!

All those times we laughed and joked, just like real friends. All those times we met for coffee, lunch, dinner, and hugged goodbye – just like real friends. All those times we discussed opinions, vented about our relationships, or family problems – just like real friends. THEY WERE ALL A FILTHY ILLUSION.

I felt like Neo in The Matrix when I heard the truth…I saw all of the memes, read all of the internet stories, heard the lines in films and TV – they flooded through and everything suddenly made sense! Guys – just like me were realising they were “friend zoned”, and were waking up, aka – “getting out of the friend zone like a boss!” 

Desert GIF

It doesn’t matter that I am in a happy relationship with another girl, and that my “friend” is with a good man…what matters is that we now realise, despite the fact there is no sexual attraction whatsoever – we do not love each other, we are actually in love with each other – because we are of a different gender, and that is the only possible solution…we must battle this friend zone thing together.

After all you can NEVER just be friends with someone of the opposite sex, the world says NO – even if you both say, YES.

I’ve called her up…she hasn’t been in touch since – she was kinda freaked out – which I understand, it was a shock for me too; but surely it will all make sense soon, and she will pick me up from the friend zone. It’s the only way either of us will be able to survive this life.

Roll Eyes GIF

Did you relate to my tale of “woe”? Then make sure you like the facebook.com/storytimewithjohn page – we can make it through with each other’s help. 

(p.s. I know this kinda thing does happen sometimes, I am just trying to make the point that it is not always the case! After all I have a number of amazing friends, some who just so happen to be male, and some who just happen to be female! So can we cut the friend zone bullshit out, already?!)

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51 thoughts on “The Friend Zone

  1. Lol “seen-zoned” is way more horrible way to go to :p but it takes some guts to really face that together so as not to prolong the “agony!” 😉 oh well we’ll never know what will happen, I’ll stay tuned for part2! Bahaha

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  2. Dear me. I think I’d rather live in the Friend Zone, because all of my friends – of all genders and sexual preferences – are wonderful and heart-warming people. And I manage to be married to a man who is my best friend … which is impossible if a friend zone exists.

    I don’t feel sorry for you for having a good friend. I feel sorry for a culture that denies that a man and a woman can have a platonic relationship.

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  3. i too have had my own share of woes in this quarter. in solidarity. wish the world was a better place, that we could just be to share and love without any agenda. you are lucky you had somebody for some time at least. all the best.

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  4. This recently happened to my daughter. She did not know the guy all that well, and she did not want a relationship beyond a friendship. Sadly for the guy all the kids that were in his circle were filling his head with romantic notions. My daughter put an end to those notions and yes, the guy walked away angrily announcing that “She put me in the friend zone” to his buddies.

    I too had to do the same thing when I was younger. Except that the guy never really came out and told me he liked me beyond friends. I was supposed to be a mind reader of some sort to know this. We’re still friends to this day and he has a lovely wife (she really is lovely), and a beautiful little girl.

    Lastly, I grew up in a household where my parents claim every day that they married their best friend. My parents have been together for over 40 years. I guess you just have to be with the right best friend.

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  5. Wow! Wonderful article—how idiotic to expect people can’t have good friends of both genders. Maybe my age shows. The Man is now my best friend after years of marriage. Me thinks they watch too many romantic comedies.

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  6. Getting out of the friend zone is like pulling teeth! And seeing someone try to get out of the friend zone is excruciating. I would rather just never feel inclined to want to take someone OUT of the friend zone or put someone INTO the friend zone. -Jasmine

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  7. I had a best friend who was male… It was an amazing friendship, one of the best friendships I’ve ever had. It was never a relationship and we never kissed or did anything together apart from go to the movies, have long phone conversations, enjoy meals and have fun discussing life and our views, just friends…. I then found out he was going to propose with a ring he had been carrying around for a while…and I freaked out! I lost my shit completely because I had a boyfriend (my now husband) and loved my best friend like the older brother I always wanted.
    Can opposite sex be best friends… After my sad experience…. I have to say… Not really. Either one will eventually cross the line of love to LOVE and you can’t hide or deny feelings that affect the heart.
    I ended the friendship I cherished so much, years and years later we from time to time have a quick chat or a text to say hi, we still hang onto the memories of our fantastic friendship but know it can’t happen anymore 💔

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  8. I have recently been friend zoned and im really rather shitty about it. Since being told we can be friends I have been avoided at all costs which makes me even more pissed, and a mutual “friend” has been running interference…and now I’m down right infuriated. This man that is avoiding me is my soulmate and I won’t give up on him. Don’t ask how I know, I just do. It’s time for change and action damnit! I won’t stay in the “friend zone”. Period.

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  9. OMG! I just learned this! You mean to say friendship with the opposite sex is not possible! 😨 Then I have lived with this terrible mistake all my life as most of my friends are male! I am guilty! I am guilty! Mia culpa! To all my “friend zoned” I am sorry. I will turn my self in and await my punishment. (LOL)

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  10. I completely understand your sentiment. It’s no fun for women; I mean who wants little male friends with secret agendas running around after them? :/

    Just remember it’s not to be scoffed at though! As a previous guy that would often find himself in the friendzone (by my own design) I feel it was more of an illness than a parody. Women that find themselves in this situation should detach immediately – for both of their sanity 🙂

    I also feel it is also a task for both involved to have a bit of soul searching. The guy – “Why the hell do I do this with decent, normal women” – and the woman – “Wtf do I keep attracting these assholes?”

    🙂 – I feel I’m being too serious and technical on a somewhat humourous post lol. Sorry!!

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