Today has been, well, not the best. There were some good parts; like been put in touch with Samsung to do some editing work for them, and then there was warming up yesterday’s pizza for lunch (apparently my diet has…well…died.), oh and an old friend of mine from Georgia State, named Katie Adkins, suddenly found herself thrusted into internet fame due to her featuring in the comedy clip, Too Many Cooks, which according to my news feed became a viral sensation all of a sudden.
Not too shabby.
Then I tried to leave the house, and all hell broke loose. I was already in a bit of a pissed off mood; I had messed with the caffeine levels too much – pushed myself too far, yes I had got to almost 25,000 words on my novel – but I hadn’t got the coffee balance right. So I was in one of those moods where everything seems like it is falling apart, and it also appears that the whole world (despite being inanimate objects) are out to get you, and only you! So you stub your toe on a chair, and kick it back which surprisingly hurts as well – so you then find yourself having some kind of physical altercation with the thing, littered with one-sided expletives, and probably more kicking, and punching – as it just stares at you all…“really, like really?” Then you go to pick out a shirt, and it is tangled up somehow, so the rest of the shirts fall…cue, huge almost suffocating sigh. You put the shirt on back to front, inside out, miss a button…you know the drill; sod’s law. Milk spills, handles come off in your hands, towels don’t cooperate and come flying off the rail for some reason. Everything was just going to shit basically, it was like a carnival crazy house today, except not fun. And I wasn’t paying with any form of currency, I was paying with my fucking SANITY.
It was then that I took a moment to just drink some water, breathe in, and breathe out. Clear my head.
I then lied to myself, saying “ahhh…that’s better.” Although clearly nothing had changed.
The next few minutes went by pretty smoothly, as I was ultra careful, and extra polite to my surroundings. I got to the final stage of doing my hair, and I had decided that I wouldn’t wash it properly as with the way the day was going, I would probably squirt shampoo in my eyes, and make myself blind for life…or even worse, in one eye – and then everyone would call me a pirate…a sham-poo-pirate, a pirate made of poo, who is a sham, because he didn’t get his eye patch through banditry, but instead because he was an idiot who couldn’t wash his hair properly…oh, the gossip, and rumor that would circulate the galleons…I couldn’t cope with all of that. So, obviously I couldn’t let that happen.
So I just brushed it back, in an attempt to renew yesterday’s gel, and grabbed the hairspray to cement it in place. It looked shit, but it wasn’t like I was going anywhere important – just wanted to get out for fresh air, and then a coffee shop for a change of scenery, and hopefully more writing. But my hair wouldn’t agree with me, it kept sprouting up at regular intervals, and down-right refusing to stay down…I would press it, and spray, spray, SPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY – but then, pop! It would be back up again…as if someone was holding an invisible balloon above my head, charged with static.
To combat this, I brushed it a different way – more spray, spray, spray-spray, SPRAAAAAAAAAAY! Again it would just pop! back up. I think it thought it was being fucking cute, but I can tell you now, I was not amused in the slightest. The room was starting to fill with this obnoxious spray, this horrible gas – it was filling my lungs up, and tasted like urgh…locker rooms.
I tried to just breathe through my mouth instead, but I could taste it too…so I gave one last SPRAAAAAAAAAAY, then combed it back – and stared at this frustrated, and exhausted husk of a reflection that looked back at me. He was begging me to shoot him in the head, so that this day would be over…but instead I marched over to the other side of the room, and picked up a cap – and pulled it over my head.
Done.
As I was packing up my laptop, I decided I would throw out the useless hairspray that had given me so much hassle, I mean if it doesn’t do its job then I don’t need it, right? Well…that’s when I caught sight of the label…Nivea Men: 48 Hour Silver Protect. I threw it in the bin anyway, take that inanimate object – you’re not getting the better of me! And anyway, if I started getting hot-headed over minor details later on, at least I wouldn’t be all sweaty about it…
Well, I wish that was true – but instead I spent the rest of the day, thinking there was some smelly bastard behind me, or in the surrounding area…but each, and every time – it was me.
Like this story? Then why not like the page, at: www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn
John Lee Taggart 
hahaha! Love it, John.
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I’m useless sometimes Tammy 😀
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I could identify with your BAD HAIR DAY! Such frustrations go on and on. Thank goodness these types of bad hair days come infrequently for me now. Thanks for the laughs!
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Bahhh you’re lucky as anything! 😀
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I hate days like that. I’ve been growing my hair out for a year, so I understand the hair wars. Congrats to your friend btw. Does she have a blog?
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Not to my knowledge! I just saw on her facebook, good for her!
What hair length are you going for? Mine is in that in between stage right now, no fun! 😦
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Right now, it’s at my collar bone, but I’m going for waist length, or as long as it can be and still look nice.
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Waist length!!!! WOWZA! That’s some Rapunzel style stuff! Good luck, sure it will look lovely 🙂
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Thanks. Right now I’d be happy with Legolas length. lol It’s slow going.
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Legolas length, haha! I always wanted to look more like Aragorn, but it isn’t exactly a look you can switch on, and off. Unless we buy wigs. Obviously 😀
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Ahhh… I feel like such a bad person because I just laughed out LOUD at your troubles… I do feel mean, because I hate those kind of days when everything just goes apesh*t, but you captured every moment perfectly…
BTW! Congrats on the Samsung editing gig! 😉 And well done on the pizza- I always have the leftovers for lunch, but it’s just not the same as the previous night, innit?! Oh well… 🙂
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The struggle, THE STRUGGGGGLE! The pizza did help I must admit…
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Hilarious post. Hope you have a better day tomorrow – but congratulations on getting the Samsung editing work.
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Thanks a lot, so far it has been a good one 🙂 hope you are well!
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S’too perfect …so many quotable lines, I’m just trying to hold in my laughter while pretending like I am actually being just as productive as this day had been for you – at work
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hahaha, got to be more fun that actually working though, right? 😉 glad you enjoyed it!
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My mom always told me to focus on the positives, which in your case is probably the warmed up pizza you ate before damaging your taste buds by hogging up all the hairspray.
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hahahaha I wish I had those words in mind yesterday! 😀
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Funny John!!!! Some days are just like that!
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Got to take the good, with the bad 🙂
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Hilarious! Congrats on Samsung and hope your weekend is better than today!
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Thank you, I can focus on the positives now that I have the taste of deodorant out of my mouth 😀
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😝
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That is an awesomely bad day. Inanimate objects also randomly attack me. I also yell expletives at them. Seems like the best news is that tomorrow has to go better. Right? Maybe? We can hope anyway. I hope it at least brings a more balanced caffeine intake. 🙂
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So it’s not just me? That’s a relief in itself! 😀 Today has been better…so far…I picked up the right spray at least 😉
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I have a Samsung phone! It’s nice to know that you will be working behind the scenes for one of their other gadgets…
YEAH, LAST WEEK I HAD THE WORST HAIR DAY, MY HAIR IS LIKE THIS UNCONTROLLABLE MASS OF NOODLES THAT WON’T BECOME STRAIGHT, THEY ALWAYS NEED TREATMENT!
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Sounds like you have as much daily struggles as myself! 😀
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I live for reheated Pizza!
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Good man! 😀
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“STINGSZZ the nostrils” – Hilarious post. Thanks for sharing.
-N.N. Team
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(Sidenote) *Hilarious* was used in the form of how you display such events in a comedic way, not at the actual fact you were having “one of those days.”
(Our bad)
-N.N. Team
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hahaha! I read it that way, don’t worry – just like I read your quote the way he says it 😉
We’re on the same page, that’s a good thing!
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Too bad you can’t punch and kick your hair. I mean speaking from experience, there are some days hair has it coming.
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Yes, most days actually!
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wash it next time!
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That’s good advice,haha!
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You met your Waterloo….battle with hair…fret not….48 hours will go by soon enough…chill! 🙂
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Haha that’s a terrible start to the day. I’m growing out a fringe and if I don’t spend ages on it, it flicks out like a giant wave shielding me from the sun (which is a positive I guess). Well done on 25000 words too btw, are you doing NanoWrimo? P.S. Thank for liking my letter to the Doctor 🙂
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Shaved head (not bald though!) is the way forward – I’ve been doing it for years now and not had to do my hair since 🙂 Thanks for checking out my stuff at The imAgine RooM, by the way! Have fun here!
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I used to go that way! Honestly it was A LOT less hassle! 😀
Happy to meet you man, will be looking out for more of your stuff!
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Lol I can totally relate! My hair is at that awkward growing-out stage where I can’t do a damn thing with it. This was great!
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Thank you! Glad you can relate, we are all in this together 😉 don’t you wish we could just sleep, and wake up with a nice mane – rather than it gradually becoming an uncontrollable mess? Such a nightmare, jheez!
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I’m having a bad hair life, but have never tried hair spray. Thank you for saving me the trouble! Very funny.
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Okay, I had to pop over here, since you occasionally stop by and like one of my posts. I feel you on the bad hair days. Currently mine are the variety of do I just chop it all off again. It likes to choke me at the most inconvenient times. I look forward to reading more of your posts. I hope all went well with your writing and you got some more word mileage in.
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Just the laugh I needed tonight John! Thanks for sharing.
I have a bad hair cut story. Basically, this lady cut my hair so short on top that it stood straight up for months until it grew out. I’m a petite girl that was experimenting with pixie cuts. But, this was just Alfalfa awful! I had to wear headbands for so long. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I just cried. Crazy!
Maria
http://theclassifiedchic.com/
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hahaha, oh no! Why, oh why don’t they just do as they are asked, rather than trying out new things as if you are a test mannequin?! Best to laugh at these things, rather than let them get you down – you have the right idea 😀
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Great writing, once again. Thanks for sharing.
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Hey man, sorry I’ve been so busy ~ I was meaning to shoot you a message and say you can use any of my stories you like (for free too!) So long as you just give credit! I’m just happy people read and enjoy what I do 🙂
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No worries. Sounds good.
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🙂
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Thank you, John. You always manage to make me laugh!
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My absolute pleasure, your comment made my day!
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