Bad hair day

Today has been, well, not the best. There were some good parts; like been put in touch with Samsung to do some editing work for them, and then there was warming up yesterday’s pizza for lunch (apparently my diet has…well…died.), oh and an old friend of mine from Georgia State, named Katie Adkins, suddenly found herself thrusted into internet fame due to her featuring in the comedy clip, Too Many Cooks, which according to my news feed became a viral sensation all of a sudden.

Not too shabby. 

Then I tried to leave the house, and all hell broke loose. I was already in a bit of a pissed off mood; I had messed with the caffeine levels too much – pushed myself too far, yes I had got to almost 25,000 words on my novel – but I hadn’t got the coffee balance right. So I was in one of those moods where everything seems like it is falling apart, and it also appears that the whole world (despite being inanimate objects) are out to get you, and only you! So you stub your toe on a chair, and kick it back which surprisingly hurts as well – so you then find yourself having some kind of physical altercation with the thing, littered with one-sided expletives, and probably more kicking, and punching – as it just stares at you all…“really, like really?” Then you go to pick out a shirt, and it is tangled up somehow, so the rest of the shirts fall…cue, huge almost suffocating sigh. You put the shirt on back to front, inside out, miss a button…you know the drill; sod’s law. Milk spills, handles come off in your hands, towels don’t cooperate and come flying off the rail for some reason. Everything was just going to shit basically, it was like a carnival crazy house today, except not fun. And I wasn’t paying with any form of currency, I was paying with my fucking SANITY.

It was then that I took a moment to just drink some water, breathe in, and breathe out. Clear my head.

Breathing Sponge GIF

I then lied to myself, saying “ahhh…that’s better.” Although clearly nothing had changed. 

The next few minutes went by pretty smoothly, as I was ultra careful, and extra polite to my surroundings. I got to the final stage of doing my hair, and I had decided that I wouldn’t wash it properly as with the way the day was going, I would probably squirt shampoo in my eyes, and make myself blind for life…or even worse, in one eye – and then everyone would call me a pirate…a sham-poo-pirate, a pirate made of poo, who is a sham, because he didn’t get his eye patch through banditry, but instead because he was an idiot who couldn’t wash his hair properly…oh, the gossip, and rumor that would circulate the galleons…I couldn’t cope with all of that. So, obviously I couldn’t let that happen. 

Shakes FInger GIF

So I just brushed it back, in an attempt to renew yesterday’s gel, and grabbed the hairspray to cement it in place. It looked shit, but it wasn’t like I was going anywhere important – just wanted to get out for fresh air, and then a coffee shop for a change of scenery, and hopefully more writing. But my hair wouldn’t agree with me, it kept sprouting up at regular intervals, and down-right refusing to stay down…I would press it, and spray, spray, SPRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY – but then, pop! It would be back up again…as if someone was holding an invisible balloon above my head, charged with static.

To combat this, I brushed it a different way – more spray, spray, spray-spray, SPRAAAAAAAAAAY! Again it would just pop! back up. I think it thought it was being fucking cute, but I can tell you now, I was not amused in the slightest. The room was starting to fill with this obnoxious spray, this horrible gas – it was filling my lungs up, and tasted like urgh…locker rooms.

Smell GIF

I tried to just breathe through my mouth instead, but I could taste it too…so I gave one last SPRAAAAAAAAAAY, then combed it back – and stared at this frustrated, and exhausted husk of a reflection that looked back at me. He was begging me to shoot him in the head, so that this day would be over…but instead I marched over to the other side of the room, and picked up a cap – and pulled it over my head.

Done.

As I was packing up my laptop, I decided I would throw out the useless hairspray that had given me so much hassle, I mean if it doesn’t do its job then I don’t need it, right? Well…that’s when I caught sight of the label…Nivea Men: 48 Hour Silver Protect. I threw it in the bin anyway, take that inanimate object – you’re not getting the better of me! And anyway, if I started getting hot-headed over minor details later on, at least I wouldn’t be all sweaty about it…

Well, I wish that was true – but instead I spent the rest of the day, thinking there was some smelly bastard behind me, or in the surrounding area…but each, and every time – it was me.

Like this story? Then why not like the page, at: www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn

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52 thoughts on “Bad hair day

  1. Ahhh… I feel like such a bad person because I just laughed out LOUD at your troubles… I do feel mean, because I hate those kind of days when everything just goes apesh*t, but you captured every moment perfectly…
    BTW! Congrats on the Samsung editing gig! 😉 And well done on the pizza- I always have the leftovers for lunch, but it’s just not the same as the previous night, innit?! Oh well… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is an awesomely bad day. Inanimate objects also randomly attack me. I also yell expletives at them. Seems like the best news is that tomorrow has to go better. Right? Maybe? We can hope anyway. I hope it at least brings a more balanced caffeine intake. 🙂

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  3. I have a Samsung phone! It’s nice to know that you will be working behind the scenes for one of their other gadgets…
    YEAH, LAST WEEK I HAD THE WORST HAIR DAY, MY HAIR IS LIKE THIS UNCONTROLLABLE MASS OF NOODLES THAT WON’T BECOME STRAIGHT, THEY ALWAYS NEED TREATMENT!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha that’s a terrible start to the day. I’m growing out a fringe and if I don’t spend ages on it, it flicks out like a giant wave shielding me from the sun (which is a positive I guess). Well done on 25000 words too btw, are you doing NanoWrimo? P.S. Thank for liking my letter to the Doctor 🙂

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  5. Shaved head (not bald though!) is the way forward – I’ve been doing it for years now and not had to do my hair since 🙂 Thanks for checking out my stuff at The imAgine RooM, by the way! Have fun here!

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    • Thank you! Glad you can relate, we are all in this together 😉 don’t you wish we could just sleep, and wake up with a nice mane – rather than it gradually becoming an uncontrollable mess? Such a nightmare, jheez!

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  6. Okay, I had to pop over here, since you occasionally stop by and like one of my posts. I feel you on the bad hair days. Currently mine are the variety of do I just chop it all off again. It likes to choke me at the most inconvenient times. I look forward to reading more of your posts. I hope all went well with your writing and you got some more word mileage in.

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  7. Just the laugh I needed tonight John! Thanks for sharing.

    I have a bad hair cut story. Basically, this lady cut my hair so short on top that it stood straight up for months until it grew out. I’m a petite girl that was experimenting with pixie cuts. But, this was just Alfalfa awful! I had to wear headbands for so long. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I just cried. Crazy!
    Maria
    http://theclassifiedchic.com/

    Liked by 1 person

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