Posted on by Storytime with John

Sexy Back

I’ve been having trouble with my back this past year – which has made me feel like a complete Grandad, constantly twisting, clicking, and moaning on…I thought it would be a good idea to get it checked out by a doctor in England  in the short window that I was on home-ground. You know, to see if anything was really amiss, or if I was just whining unnecessarily! 

Lebron Violin GIF

So I had to set up an appointment, but wasn’t really sure how to go about it…I know you can just Google these things but for some reason it didn’t cross my mind…I just rolled in unannounced and thought the nice people at the reception would probably help me out;

“Errr…hi…hello, hi. I’d like an appointment please…”

“Alright, what’s the problem?”

Now I found this odd. Maybe it’s just me! But what if it was something really personal, something I really didn’t want to share with the rest of the waiting room? A like…ball related thing, or like a penisey problem, or whatever. I probably wouldn’t want a load of strangers hearing about all that!

“It’s like a weird back thing…it’s like, sorry…it’s…”

“A weird back?”

“Yeah…I don’t know – it aches, I just wanted to check if it was-“

“You wanted to know from a professional if it is weird, or not?”

“Ergh, yes. I suppose so.”

“Ah…ha…”

Ron Nod GIF

And so after a condescending few minutes, I was given my appointment time – and bid her good day. I returned a week later…although funnily enough I hadn’t been having much to complain about. My back had been relatively well behaved. Now I would look like a big fat liar! Despite this I didn’t want to end up looking like a fool at the reception again, so kept going over the name of the doctor over, and over, and over – so that I wouldn’t be caught out!

“Hello! I have an appointment at 9:20.”

“Okay, what’s your name?”

“Doctor Foo.” 

“No…what is YOUR name?”

“Err…my…errr…” Now this really threw me, I was racking my brains for what seemed like forever, why did she have to ask me such a difficult question?! I felt like this was the final question on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? I was never going to get it right! Only a genius would!

“Err…it’s…John. John…Taggart!” Phew, got there. I took my seat with reddened cheeks, and an expression that clearly spelled out how ashamed I was.

IT Crowd Walk Away GIF

I waited a while, trying not to make eye contact with people – and also trying to subtly block the sputtering coughs from the contagious man next to me. But I didn’t have to sit for long, and was soon shepherded through by a beeping machine, announcing my name in red – and informing me of which room I had to go to. Room 7. 

I walked in unsure whether to do a handshake, after all I may have hand-plague…or something…or do doctors wear gloves for that very reason? Hmm…not sure. Anyway, he didn’t offer it, so I decided against it. Instead I just sat, as he quizzed me on this, and that. After the interrogation he told me to roll up my jumper – which made for an awkward scene, me standing with a self-made belly top, as he massaged, and prodded my knobbly joints!

He came to three conclusions, a trifecta of back ache horror, if you will. It wasn’t due to my flat feet, as I had guessed (I have feet like Donald Duck) instead it is down to working with small children – always leaning, and bending down to speak to them – like the BFG. Then there is the fact that I am always writing, and I probably slouch into my laptop when I do…then there is the fact that I am a tallish person in Asia…so I have to stoop somewhat to get a clear view of things, as “it’s not designed with John size in mind” as Dr Foo boldly  announced!

After all that we shared some stories about China, and Korea, which was nice – I then thanked him for his time, and bounced back home – paying special attention to my posture, asI had just endured quite a telling off!

Posture GIF

At least I can head back to South Korea with peace of mind! Mind…the long flights always give me a sore bum…perhaps I should have got Dr Foo to check that for me too…

On second thought, I think I’m fine.

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49 Replies to “Sexy Back”

  1. Being a writer as well I’ll be sure to watch my posture. But I’m also a ballerina, so my hips, ankles, toes, knees, elbows, back, neck, and everything really is constantly popping and clicking. So I don’t think I’d be able to tell any writing related soreness from all of that.

    Oh, and do you every go to a chiropractor? That’s pretty helpful when it comes to keeping everything in line:)

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  2. Hahaha paging Doctor Foo! That should be your new codename. Or stage name, should you decide to join a band 🙂
    Sorry about your early onset of decrepitude, that’s a pain in the bum. Good news is you can fix it! I need to watch my posture too; who knew that when our parents told us to ‘stand up straight’ they were passing on important knowledge and not just being annoying.

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  5. “Ah…ha…” and a week later appointment, damn those doctors, at least Foo sounded nice and didnt push for a handshake.
    Take care of your back, at first may feel weird but then you get comfortable with the proper posture, youll quickly notice because you will stop hurting yourself.

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  7. I’ve had a similar back problem but caused purely by sitting down! I dont mind standing up, but there are limits! The physio spotted the problem in seconds…my core strength..so feeling somewhat apple-like I’ve worked on it and lo and behold, I can now sit down for hours! Hope you get to the bottom of further issue!

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  9. Always good to get things checked out.

    I can relate to this. I sew a lot so the stress on my back when at the machine for hours on end can make it ache enough that I have to take a lot of breaks.

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  10. Having damaged my back 18 years ago, I understand the pain and discomfort you went through. Add an unsympathetic Doctors’ Receptionist just adds to the frustration you feel when all you want and need is for the pain to go away.

    Hurting you back is one of the most life altering injuries you can suffer, and correcting the injury can be as painful as the initial pain to start with. It’s some what ironic that a bad posture causes a bad back but correcting the posture often causes more pain.

    One thing I was told which has served me fantastically these past years was from a pain management psychologist. He said to imagine the pain you are feeling as a buzzing sound, a fly or a bee, just buzzing behind your ear. Now, focus your attention on the sound and slowly start to quieten the sound, make it fade into the background. Once it’s at a point where you can not longer hear the sound, you will notice that the pain in your back has reduced dramatically. It takes practice, and a bit of patients, but once mastered your mind will automatically quieten the pain so you can carry on life as normal. It’s only where you do something that makes the sound become noticeable again, as in wrench the back, pull a muscle, or lift something in the wrong way, that you should then have to seek additional help from a doctor, chiropractor or pain medication.

    Hope this is of some help, it worked wonders for me.

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    1. Hi there Paul, thanks for all of the advice! I will take it on board, I wonder whether it is just something I have to live with – or whether there is a way to alleviate the pain for good. It’s annoying, that’s for sure. Really appreciate all of the words of wisdom, thank you so much mate! 🙂

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  11. You haven’t been to a doctor’s very often, right 😉 But it was a good idea to get it checked. Maybe a little muscle relaxation and a different way sitting and lifting up things might work too. Good luck!

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  12. Try yoga. Seriously, the stretching into weird positions and counter poses corrects and balances alignment. I think it makes you taller too right enough! Or at least the appearance of it because posture improves.
    Or get someone taller than you to crack your back. It is a thing! Fold your arms across your chest and grip alternate shoulders. Someone behind you encircles you with their arms and lifts you off the floor arching backwards. And you hear cracks. Seconds later you feel all eased and sore bits gone.
    We do weird shit in my house sometimes but this one works. Recommended by me after having it tried out on me for the first time the other day (slaving over a hot stove at Christmas can cause stress back. It is a thing!) I thought my kids were a bit mental when they demonstrated it but it works.
    Anyway, hope your back and bum hold up for your return journey. Walk tall. Mums know best. That’s a thing too. 🙂
    Best wishes for the New Year. Looking forward to more stories.

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  15. LOL…I went to a P.T. kind of the same problem…my computer is now at eye level so I’m not hunching over, I do these “weird” stretches 4-6 times a day, and I take something called Inflamma-shield and Holy Basil Leaf.

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  16. You know, they say animals don’t have back problems. Have you definitely ruled out being a reindeer, especially around the holiday season? Maybe transition to groundhog for February and bunny for late-March, early-April?

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  17. So relieved to hear it wasn’t a “ball” or “penisey” thing! That would give a whole new meaning to “watching the ball drop” on New Year’s Eve. Is that what it’s called in the U.K.? I promise I’m not being a perv :).

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  20. Great way to make something mundane like a visit to the doctor funny. Doctors aren’t really much use for sore backs though. Chiropractors do much better if you find a good one. Then again in Asia you might be able to find a good back massage for cheap.

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  21. Long flights to Asia making your booty sore? Here’s my 2 tricks:
    1. If I can pick my seat when booking tickets, I ALWAYS pick the aisle seat, so I can get up and walk around to circulate the blood flow in my legs…Also so I won’t bother the people sitting next to me.

    2. I bring a pair of slippers and immediately switch out my shoes as soon as I sit down. This also helps the blood flow in my feet/legs and keeps my shoes from feeling too tight. If your derrier still feels unpleasant, ask for an extra pillow to sit on. 🙂

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  22. I don’t know how the hell you do it… don’t stop writing. You’re talented beyond measure. Your posts are always so captivating and they literally make me laugh out loud. You have a way of connecting with your reader and making them feel like they’ve known you for ages . Keep up the amazing work John!

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  23. Lmao! I’m sorry this just made my eyes teary for laughing like crazy. You are definitely my favorite story teller, thanks for creating the word “penisey” – I’ll remember that with a Brit accent at least it sounds more “posh” than silly.

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  27. Oh my gosh! I remember following you, but can’t remember reading anything. I just got back on WordPress and so glad I took the time to read one of your posts lol Hope it gets better for you!

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  28. Brilliant, as usual 🙂 I went to a doctor a while back and her recommendation was to have children! So maybe try that next time you have a problem (her theory was that I wouldn’t have time to worry about being ill then – obvious, really, right?).

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  31. This is my very first visit to your blog, and I had to read this story 🙂 I really enjoyed it!!! You can’t be too careful 😉 *HUGS* Tame

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