NEWS: Everything Fun KILLS You.

Despite many attempting to campaign against the overwhelming facts – it has now been confirmed in no uncertain terms that everything that is fun does indeed kill you. As a direct result of these new findings bacon dispensers (like the one below) will be removed and destroyed, and there are plans in place to also make doughnuts andContinue reading “NEWS: Everything Fun KILLS You.”

ASS IN FACE (A Gym Story)

I’m not much of a talker at the gym…a nod and smile usually suffices most interactions – as the large majority of people just want to be in and out as soon as possible so the entire ordeal doesn’t drag any longer than necessary… So like many others I put in my earphones and justContinue reading “ASS IN FACE (A Gym Story)”

What Food Cravings REALLY Mean…

This is a tale of woe, a tale of misery…you may even shed a tear… I mean I just ate a burger so I’m quite content – but what about you? If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then IContinue reading “What Food Cravings REALLY Mean…”

GET THE DADBOD!

Some words of advice from my Eastern European(?!) alter-ego…not sure where he came from but whatever – DADBOD! GET ON IT! I’m silly sometimes, sorry. Okay…all the time… If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get toContinue reading “GET THE DADBOD!”

The Rebellion of the Stomach

This is a bit of an over-share, I know that for certain…but I am hoping someone can shine some light on what is so far a very dark day… So after an innocent child mistook my man boobs for actual woman’s boobs sometime last week (to my absolute horror), I decided that perhaps I should cleanContinue reading “The Rebellion of the Stomach”

REJOICE MANKIND!

I HAVE SOME FANTASTIC NEWS FOR YOU! NEW, AND VERY SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH FROM MY KINDERGARTEN CLASS! BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ PEOPLE! http://www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn http://www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101 Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Low Fat…Low Fun.

Sitting here, staring into the grey abyss of my cereal bowl. The foul putrid liquid that softens, and dulls the frosted flakes – turning them into flavorless cardboard husks before my very eyes. How did it come to this? Do I deserve this fate, which is surely worse than death?  Low fat…it’s low fun. It’s flavourless,Continue reading “Low Fat…Low Fun.”

Sexy Back

I’ve been having trouble with my back this past year – which has made me feel like a complete Grandad, constantly twisting, clicking, and moaning on…I thought it would be a good idea to get it checked out by a doctor in England  in the short window that I was on home-ground. You know, toContinue reading “Sexy Back”

According to Gym

Okay, so this is a reply to a rather cheeky email I received yesterday(you know who you are!)… So the sender asked me how my fitness/diet regime was going…first thought was; “urghhh, fuck you!” Because come on! I am sure anyone with a single brain cell will be able to tell that a pizza/ice cream lover suchContinue reading “According to Gym”

Losing weight.

I really want to lose weight. I am sick of it. It follows me around everywhere…clinging to me, dragging me down with no regard for how I feel. I have simply grew tired of this one sided relationship! So in desperation I tried to lose it in a shopping mall – I ran around aContinue reading “Losing weight.”