Everyday Expressions

There are a whole lot of phrases and idioms that I feel like we can all do without…I mean just because we are used to using them, and they have been around for a while doesn’t make them any less silly, or in some cases non-sensical! 

Here’s a little list of everyday expressions that I think we could all manage perfectly fine without! 

“I’ve got some skeletons in my closet…”

Creepy Skeleton GIF

This one has always bugged me, especially as a kid as it gave me the heebie-jeebies…I mean the insinuation is that someone has dead bodies in their closet, just sitting there. Rather morbid I’m sure you’d agree. But moral implications aside, wouldn’t people suspect you immediately when you are walking around in clothes that smell like corpses?! Wouldn’t be a big secret past for long! Yeeesh!

Suggestion: “I’ve done some things in the past I’m not proud of.” OR “I’ve killed many people, and I’m a little tardy with the cleanup – so now I have a load of skeletons in my closet. It’s truly embarrassing – can we go to your house instead?” 

“That’s really unique…”

Unique GIF

That odd looking fella at the bus stop, the mole on your aunt’s face, the unexplained growth on your groin – they are all unique, and one of a kind! So because of this, the description of their uniqueness cannot be assisted or amplified by any other word – they’re either unique, or they’re not. So we can throw out the use of; so, quite, really, very, etc and every other adverb of degree as they simply don’t make sense.

Suggestion: That’s unique.” (Now take a photo)

“I’m not gonna lie…”

No Lies Please GIF

Oh wait…so you have to make a little disclaimer before you say whatever it is you are about to say? I’ve been listening to your drivel and just assuming you are not a morally corrupt sith lying through your teeth…but now I doubt everything you have said before this point! It’s the same premise when people ask if you want “the honest truth” – like…WHUT?!

Suggestion: “I’m usually a massive liar – you’ve watched Pinocchio, right? Well it’s based on my past life as a professional bullshitter…but this time around I’m telling the truth. Maybe.”

“Needless to say…”

For Fuck's Sake GIF

If it’s truly needless to say, then why are you saying it? Why do you have this innate need – this unbelievably strong compulsion to just say it anyway?! Can we just sit in silence, or can you perhaps make me a cake or something? I’d probably like you a lot more if you were to do that.

Suggestion: Nothing…like literally, nothing. 

“It was a mutual agreement…”

Head in Hands GIF

An agreement is two people agreeing…and as they agreed on something, we can correctly assume that they had a mutual understanding (hehe, see what I did there?) on the subject of their agreement with one another. Urgh, my head hurts.

Suggestion: “We talked for a bit, and then agreed.”

“If someone would have told me 10 years ago, I’d be doing ____, I would never have believed them…”

Freaked Out GIF

If someone walked up to you in the middle of the street, presumably with a cape and a crystal ball – spouting out forecasts for your future, and telling of omens on what will be…well you would rightly be a little nervous. You’d probably run away, or at the very least pretend to be too engrossed in your earphones to hear what was been said. You may even beat the lady with her broom, and add another to the closet, who knows? 

Suggestion: “I know this is going to sound totally pretentious and self-involved, but my life is way more awesome than I could have ever expected 10 years ago! Seriously, I mean look at me – I am fucking fantastic.”

“You’re the apple of my eye…”

Bacon GIF

I feel like this used to work perhaps…you know back in the day when you would get an apple and an orange in your Christmas stocking – but now? No way. There are just way better things in regular circulation that would serve as better metaphorical comparisons to the feeling of true love!

Suggestion: “I love you! You are the bacon double cheeseburger of my eye!”

(SEE! The GIF makes sense after all!)

Anyway my friends, that’s all I’ve got…but did I miss any? Can you think of some more that should have made the list?! 



Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

20 Replies to “Everyday Expressions”

    1. “No offense, but” is one of those things that immediately makes me distrustful of someone. It’s in line with “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic, but…” Anything that asserts someone’s good person-ness followed by a “but” is basically a giant sign that says, “Hi! I’M AN A-HOLE!”


  1. Love the post….skeletons in the closet always makes me think of all my dead relatives…and I never understood the “I’m not gonna lie” just makes you look stupid and a liar….enjoy your blog…


  2. “I’m not gonna lie” = “You can’t get mad at me for the incredibly rude thing I’m about to say because I’m being honest”

    Although mutual agreement is not always redundant. Not all agreements/contracts are consensual. You can get coerced and forced into an agreement with someone, even if you don’t really agree. For example, when someone breaks up with you, you agree to stop dating them even if you don’t want to because you have no choice. Not mutual, but still an agreement.

    Common things people say which bother me are less idioms and more people who just don’t understand language. “ATM machine,” “irregardless,” “INTENSIVE PURPOSES” (I will fight a person if they say “intensive purposes”).

    I also hate when people say, “You’re never going to believe…” Really? Unless whatever happened broke the laws of physics, time, or space, I’m pretty sure I’m not so naive as to stare in disbelief when you tell me the barista gave you a large coffee instead of a medium.

    And “I know something you don’t know!” No kidding? Me, too. I bet you didn’t know I was going to punch your smug face, but I knew!


  3. One thing I’ve just picked up is the word “awesome”. I’ve rarely used the word in my entire life, but in the past 2-3 months, I use it ALL THE TIME. EVERY DAY. It’s like I’ve just discovered the 1990s, for pete sake.

    Anyway, this is a great post. It’s the bacon double cheeseburger of my eye.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hahaha….to be very, very truthful, the skeletons in my closet were picked clean by my dogs. I fractalling avoid needless F words, and I can tell you from experience that agreements are not always mutual but they can guarantee your survival until you can kill the bastard. 🙂


      1. The best way to deal with the skeleton in the closet is to throw it out on the lawn on Halloween and yell, “Anyone want this thing?” You have to ask yourself WWWD (What would Wednesday Do?) 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: