Jane Bond?

I just heard some so-called breaking currraaaaazy news: Gillian Anderson  (of The X-Files fame) has announced that she would be more than happy to have a sex change and become James Bond. Or perhaps just remain as she is and play Jane Bond; that would make more sense. Or…well…whatever – she wants to take over the role and now people are freaking out.

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Some have taken to punching the air and gasping “woooo yeah double oh heaven!” or words to that effect – but from what I can see most comments from flabbergasted fans have been filled with the typical internet-ish sort of vitriol:*

“…how can a lady run, jump, and make grunting sounds?  Only men can do that! Don’t even get me started on shooting guns and storming out of offices. Keep out of our domain, will ya?!” 

“…women shouldn’t play agents, it’s just not believable – apart from that red headed one in the alien files thing. She was okay, I guess.”

“…the name’s Bond, James Bond – not Jane. Jane is a different name to James. Get your own movie franchise, and name – women have taken everything and now they are trying to take our names too. Despicable.”

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Now I of course, couldn’t care less. And not because I am some sort of spectacular progressive or a constant warrior against discrimination at every single turn (I am to some extent but I have other things like bacon and TV going on which take priority), the thing is that…well…I couldn’t give a flying fuck about James Bond. At all. 

I suppose I do think it odd that a woman would play the role of a man, and that after so many years it would suddenly change – but not enough for me to kick off and become red in the face. Take the Ghostbusters reboot for an example – it looks dreadful. That’s my opinion and I don’t need to dance on a table and scream it from the rooftops so people know it…I can mention it and then move along. Same here.

Or if someone told me there was going to be an all men Sex and the City for some bizarre reason…I would politely reply with: “oh really…hmm, how interesting” – which would be good manners code for: “I couldn’t give a shit, why are you boring me with this information?”

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I mean, is it a big deal? Was it even worthy of this rambled non-sensical article? Are there not more important things to worry about? Like making sure you don’t have holey socks, nailing small talk with the person at the supermarket checkout, or well…anything else really. 

James Bond is an action film, something you watch if there is nothing else on, if you are stuck on a long haul flight, or if you are a die-hard fan. It’s not awful, but let’s not pretend it is something sacred and that if a lady were to play the role hell would freeze over and David Cameron would go skipping along with Donald Trump dealing out free marshmallows for everyone no matter their race or tax band.

Simply put it’s just a movie! And she likely won’t get the role anyway, after all it was mostly suggested in fun…but if she does and it pisses you off: just don’t watch it. 

Oh and it should go without saying that these are not “real” quotes – as they were too depressing and depraved. Instead they are an entertaining amalgamation of the stuff I read. You’re welcome. No really, it’s nothing. Fine send some cake please.*

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14 thoughts on “Jane Bond?

  1. Well said. I can’t even read comments on most threads. If I can even get through the gross grammatical errors, the dribble is less impressive than sweat on a hog’s ass to me. Like everyone commenting will somehow make a difference. I have watched Bond. And I have not watched Bond and been equally content either way. . Now, don’t go talking about replacing Mulder and Scully with Holmes and Watson, or whatever those watery characters were named in the revival. Lol. It’s all just more stuff to hash out, after all, isn’t it? Ridonculous.

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    • It’s like you are saying exactly what I’m thinking – yes, yes, and YES again! I don’t mind James Bond, it’s fine I suppose – but if I don’t see the latest one till years after its release it honestly doesn’t phase me. I was sort of hoping a super fan would school me in some way, but it seems most are in agreement 😀 haha!

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  2. I actually thought those were exact quotes.. Funny, I could’ve sworn I read the third one on every article about anything remotely feminist ever.
    More importantly, that Christian Bale gif is REALLY creeping me out haha

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  3. Ah, good thing they’ve already done Lady Terminator then, and I’m not speaking of Hollywood Terminator, but a funny knock-off of the original T1 produced in Malaysia in 1989 😉

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  4. According to Ian Fleming, “James Bond” is a totally generic code name for his interchangeable hero and there never was an actual physical character with that name, in much the same way as “M” and “Q” were constantly changing, but had the same title (the real life head of the security service has always been known simply by the initial, “C”) so it makes no sense at all to argue that Bond cannot be a woman.

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  5. Your posts never fail to make me laugh (which really needed today). On a more topical note, I completely agree with you. This is the first time I have heard of it. Also, let’s not forget that the early James Bond movies were quite cheesy (in my opinion). I agree with you on the new ghostbusters movie. Mainly because it doesn’t look like a good, quality, entertaining movie, not because I feel that women shouldn’t play the roles. Rather than rant and rave for days I’m just not going to see it. Why can’t we all just not watch what we don’t like and watch what we do? Oh yeah… it’s the internet.

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