Unfair Stereotypes

Just a random thought here…and, well…you may not completely  understand…but…I feel I may as well pose the question anyway ~ do you think perhaps that animals are a little annoyed by all of the stereotypes linked to them? That maybe they too are sick of the boxes they are often pushed into since birth? 

It’s like…they get no choice in the matter – society just straight away dictates what they should like, and not like…

Bugs GIF

We’re brainwashed into thinking from a very early age that rabbits love carrots, and that monkeys love bananas – but what if that reckoning was only brought about by some skewed, and limited market research…the same kind that often crops up with things like: ‘New study suggests men prefer watching movies, as opposed to reading – I know we only asked twenty people, but from this we can make huge quantum leaps, and over-generalise’ – or you know, words to that effect…

Listen what I’m trying to say is that maybe, just maaaaaybe – not all rabbits love carrots as the powers that be want us to believe! That perhaps some like a slice of steak…a bit of black forest gateau, a serving of Nepalese curry…who knows? And in the same way, maybe not all monkeys adore bananas! Maybe they are sick of having them shoved in their hands day after day…just because one time they said they were delicious – and that was only really to be polite to the host! Maybe in actual reality they much prefer a salami sandwich, with barely any salad – but a ridiculous amount of sauce…

Monkey Sandwich GIF

See where I’m coming from? 

Well I hope so, because the world is rife with these generalisations! For example, do all mice really like cheese? Are you telling me there no lactose intolerant mice? Not one? I find that hard to believe…so think of how life must be for those poor lactose intolerant mice…while all the other mice are having photo shoots with blocks of cheese, they are over in a corner feeling worthless because they have to nibble on plain bread instead, and feel like less of a mouse because of it. It’s not fair. 

But you see it’s animal groups like pandas who ruin it for the rest of the world. As those so-and-sos literally only eat one thing! So incredibly picky…and that spoils it for everyone, as now people see that one stereotype kinda fits, and is actually right on the money – and consequently assume that  all of the other ones are true too! AND THEY ARE NOT! I WISH PANDAS WOULD THINK OF OTHERS SOMETIMES! BUT THEY NEVER, REPEAT – NEVER – DO!

Panda GIF

They just keep nibbling on bamboo – whilst others suffer at the hands of broad, and untrue stereotypes.  Case in point, I used to be good friends with a dog who used to stay well away from bones – hated the things…but loved a nice bit of chicken, and mushroom pie…possibly with gravy, and a side of veggies. Should he have been looked down upon for his so called “life-choices”? Well no, of course not.

Perhaps you see how silly this all is now. End animal stereotypes immediately..

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Poo-Poo Monkey

You know…the unfair thing about playing with kids is…well, it’s unfair. 

You enter into the game like any other – thinking it will be a level playing field (because that’s how games should be right?!) but you quickly find it will be anything but. Like today I was instructed I was a “Poo-Poo Monkey” that was running amuck in a nearby zoo, and needed to be eliminated for poop crimes. I have no idea where this story came from, or even what exactly poop crimes are…but one can assume they are not good, or at the very best – very messy. 

ewww GIF

But you know what? I didn’t fuss, or fight it – I decided to take on the role as best as I could…like an actor who is just starting out, hungry and desperate to impress; I thought maybe if I do a good believable rendition of the Poo-Poo Monkey perhaps later I would be able to demand better, more prestigious roles! What can I say?! Gotta be positive, we only get one life after all!

However on the strength of today’s scenes the possibility is looking less, and less likely. To my disappointment it was just fifteen minutes of pure poop-filled carnage; me running around, getting pulled to the ground by eight grasping weirdly strong hands, having my clothes stretched out of size, and subjected to a constant stream of foul putrid gas. Beyond unprofessional working conditions! 

Ew Snape GIF

Oh, but no! The stench was always blamed on me…because I was the Poo-Poo Monkey! Totally unfair stereotype…just because of my name I was being tarred immediately with every negative connotation that can occasionally be attributed to folks of that sort. (If they weren’t fictional creations of course!) 

My main problem despite the blame-game was the odor itself…I mean…I just didn’t understand – what the hell are these kids eating?! It was like what I imagine old people’s homes smell like. If I had to give a rough recipe I would say…sardines? In vinegar. Burnt. Then rotten eggs swirled into the mixer for good measure. Oh yeah, and a dash of Nutella. 

You can see how frequent this must happen, seeing as though I practically have a cookbook in the works! What is my life? This wasn’t in the contract anywhere…

Unfair GIF

Well now it is written – life isn’t fair, especially when it comes to games with the little’uns! SO yes…now for better or worse, you all know it. Go spread the word, and never agree to play the Poo-Poo Monkey…it’s just not worth it!

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Meet my Monkey!

I have literally JUST got this through! And as promised I am IMMEDIATELY sharing it with you all! (I hope that is allowed…oopsies!)

Anyway, I am more than proud to welcome Morgan the Monkey…so here is a brief overview; Morgan is a spacecraft test pilot who finds himself stranded on the moon after crash landing – he is taken in by the alien population who live there, and quickly becomes an exciting (if not a little mischeivous) part of their community!

I believe we are swaying towards the one on the right – has the balance of cheeky, and totally confused – don’t you think?

Monkey (Rough Sketch)One little, ickle problem though…he wants me to re-write the episodes I have submitted – says they need to build up to a big something, rather than “funny, funny, funny!” He says he isn’t worried, but now I am! I hope I can deliver…it’s amazing to see something like this actually come to life, as I said before I am/was somewhat frustrated with the pace things were moving (crippled snail clambering uphill speed) but now they are moving ever so slightly, I am getting that warm tingly feeling.

Maybe it’s just trapped gas. I hope not.

Anyway, let me know what you think my friends!

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The Monkey King

Well guys I made it safely to Korea, after what was an utterly agonizingly long journey (27 hours – more thanks to delays? It sounds even worse when I write it out and say it back to myself!)...but anyway, as always on long haul flights you find yourself watching things just to pass the time, often it is a great thing as you catch films that passed you by at the time but you had sort of wanted to see…however after the first few films you still find yourself sat there, with a suddenly narrower and less enticing set of options – after all, I couldn’t write anymore, as the Thai lady next to me had spilled orange juice all over my my notebook – I said it was fine, it obviously wasn’t fine, but I had to keep things friendly between us if we were to endure this 17 hour nightmare.

Fake tear GIF

I had exhausted the “NEW RELEASES” category, so decided to dig around in the “INTERNATIONAL” category…possibly there would be some French art-house films, or a strange Scandinavian flick that may pique my interest. This was not to be – not when I say The Monkey King offered up as the best film going. I read the short description on what it was about, and was instantly hooked! Something about a monkey who becomes a king…or something…I guess the clue is in the name, but I just wanted confirmation of this. Without hesitation I hit that play button – the Thai lady looked up from her crossword, I could tell she was thinking “nice choice my friend, nice choice!” but we had that special kind of friendship where you don’t really have to say anything…the love is clear, without the need for stupid and pointless words. I nodded in confirmation and popped on my headphones.

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU WERE PLANNING ON WATCHING THE MONKEY KING THEN YEAH, PLOT SPOILERS OR WHATEVER…THE PLOT ISN’T ACTUALLY ON WIKIPEDIA, PROBABLY BECAUSE IT IS SO ERRATIC AND ALL OVER THE PLACE, I’M RAMBLING, SORRY. MY THROAT HURTS FROM ALL THIS SHOUTING, SO I AM GOING TO STOP WITH THE CAPITALS, HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

So the film begins with an explanation that there are three powerful entities that exist in the world; the deity, the demon, and heaven. Unfortunately the demon part of the equation is a total dick, and for no reason whatsoever is attacking the deity in heaven – he’s proper wrecking all of the lovely architecture and decor they have going on up there – and it is totally pissing off the deity crew. The demon has a big fire whip or something like that, no sword…errr…anyway, doesn’t really matter as the deity turns into a massive dragon and brays him all over the place – he is about to make the killing blow which would effectively make everything right in the universe, literally forever, but this girl stops him and says he will never do it again. The deity is blatantly a moron, and despite the fact he has lived forever has not learned that demons are probably prone to lying. Oh well.

After the fight we have a little look around, and everyone is a little disheartened that they will all have to do so much DIY to fix up heaven – it looks like utter shit and people are worried it will be an expensive job. To save time a beautiful lady called Nuwa sacrifices herself, by spinning around and turning herself into magical crystals which means that no one has to do anything at all, as heaven is magically fixed up – good times – one of the stones drops down from heaven though, and lands in a jungle…we then see a quick scene that shows the crystal has an embryo thing in it which then turns into a monkey. It was then that I assumed this was the monkey king  we would be dealing with throughout this…how long is this…two hours, Jesus Christ. Anyway, then in a rather sweet scene a small white fox comes up to the crystal and looks at the monkey, the hold out their hands…almost touching…then…they touch, and BOOOOOM – out of nowhere the paw burns up in flames and goes shooting up to heaven without much explanation, and then turns into three wise messengers who tell this beardy guy he has to train this monkey as he may be something special in future fights against the demon population.

So the beardy guy comes down and sees the monkey in question, playing around with his monkey pals – one of which who has a massive penis for a nose, which honestly I feel needs to be talked about because I just don’t understand what was going on there whatsoever. Anyway, the monkey accidentally kills a butterfly, and starts to cry about it – but beardy heals it and is promptly told he is awesome (this was the literal translation!) Naturally after this they are the best of buds, so they go flying off someplace in the clouds on a giant seagull.

Tired GIF

If any of this makes sense you are an absolute trooper. 

Alright, so meanwhile a woman with a candle for a face has a scroll which she is showing the demon guy. It basically says something about the Monkey King being a hell of a guy, ooooh I am leaving that unintentional pun in! Ahem…so yeah, it says he’s great. All of the demon guy’s pals are a little skeptical, a rhino scratches his chin, as a huge bear nods but doesn’t seem convinced and then this huge guy who looks like that dude from The Goonies speaks up and is promptly thrown in a lava pool. Short cameo for him, but worth it I feel.

When it comes to the Monkey Kings training it is an absolute doddle, he doesn’t really take it seriously but picks up  the 72 transformations quickly due to sheer natural talent. Everyone in the class is divided on their opinion of him, some people think he is a complete and utter asshole, whilst others thing he is just a bit of an asshole but largely fun to be around. Personally I wanted to cut my own throat due to how annoying I found the monkey impressions the actor was doing…lots of hehe-hoawww! haha-whooo! he-huh-he! Oh fuck off please. But I am one of those people who stick with films hoping they will just suddenly burst into life…usually this doesn’t happen, but I stick by my methods.

The Monkey King is shown the eye of Sauron by the beardy guy, which I am sure is a copyright violation, but no one seemed to mind. It is explained that it is fire, lightning, and a tonne of other terrible ways the Monkey King will die…but hey, if he survives them he gets to live forever. Not exactly a fair deal, so the Monkey King is shitting is pants. Beardy guy is all, “you’ll be okay”ish about it…but doesn’t offer much in the way of constructive help. Just flicks his beard around and says a big speech about immortality which just makes no sense. Lost in translation maybe…hey, speaking of which I am going to watch Lost in Translation after this…yeah…yeah I think I will…just…an hour and…err…loads to go…fuck.

So back in the Monkey Jungle all of the monkeys are really excited to have their best mate back around, they give him the catchy nickname of The Handsome Monkey King which he is naturally pleased with. However after the honeymoon period is over, penis nose is all “what about when you are not here? What do we do then? Go get some weapons and then we can fuck up people who wander into our bit of jungle!” 

Exhausted GIF

So the Monkey King dives into a magical pool to look, he is attacked by a giant fish which he kills and then brags about it to this fat mustache man who appears to be the emperor of the pool. Worst luck the fish was his bodyguard! Doh! Who would have thought it?! Eeee…well…anyway, they try to kill the Monkey King but he proves to be tricky, as he traps them in a giant bubble and then…errr, it all gets weird, I can’t remember – they give him some weapons and then –

ANNOUNCEMENT.

After the announcement my screen went dead…and went back to a raw loading screen…I had to get the lady to come help me with it – “NO WATCHING FOR TWENTY MINUTES, OK?”

Lost GIF

There is a God I guess. Let me just say, Lost in Translation is a great film…my Mother hasn’t stopped mentioning it since the first time I visited Asia…so I just nodded along although I hadn’t watched it myself…but yeah, great. I am sure it has nothing to do with the standard of the film I half-watched before it…no, no…not at all.

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