Adult/Child: The Battle

I’ve been getting nostalgic regarding my childhood – like most people I think it would be GREAT to be a kid all over again; just to be so carefree, and wild! In this video I mourn over my loss of childhood, and also take a look at some old photos from when I was a kid.

Fun to watch, but the message runs deep for all of us!

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Existential Spices

As humans I think it’s pretty normal to ponder our own existence…although I often like to believe I am one of the elite few who is really thinking about it, that everyone else is just passing through, experiencing things at face value – and that basically I am some sort of superior brain amongst a mass of morons. This is solely a luxury for my ego, and in truth is probably only half true…

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Arghhh fine, but keep it to yourself sister!

Anyway, what’s the meaning of life? Why are we here? What are we doing? You know, all of those “what’s the fucking point of it all?!” existential crisis type questions – are ones that plague our waking days, and pester our subconscious even when sleeping, because at the heart of things we know we’re just highly intelligent (hmm, sometimes) beasts, and the real innate purpose is just that of a really dreadful commander of an alien legion – “THE RACE HAS TO CONTINUE, WE MUST PROCREATE AND CONTINUE THE BLOODLINE! THE RACE MUST GO ON!” 

So when this rather carnal impulse meets our meddlesome overactive mind we become part of an ongoing battle for self-actualization and understanding…one which basically can never be won in the traditional “yeyyyy, I got a shiny medal and certificate!” kind of way…perhaps that’s why it feels so uncomfortable…we just have to pick a side, and stick with it…that’s literally it.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?!

Well, perhaps you head to religion for your purpose? And you essentially believe this is a humongous audition/amazingly well-orchestrated dress rehearsal for the spectacular afterlife? Where you get to hang out with all of your best friends, and family members (presumably you get to pick which ones make the grade), and spend your days eating whatever you like and never gaining unwanted weight. All the while being able to pick the brains of the most clued-in individual ever to exist; the creator man himself, God!

Sounds bloody perfect! So if that’s your belief and reason for living…then yeah, good for you! I can dig it!

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Praise him with the boogie!

Or do you venture into the romantic side of things…the spirituality of love for love’s sake? You know…the life is about being happy, and making others happy sort of thing. With this seems to come an acceptance that life is a horrifyingly complex and confusing state of being – and that one should basically just make the best of it. Because yeah, why not? After all why lose sleep over the complicated nature of the day to day when you can observe such fantastical beauty in your world; from the love of those who are dear to you, the laughter of children, and the possibility to add extra cheesy bacon bits to items of your choosing and much more! There is indisputably a lot to live for, and eventually die f…shhhhh no, let’s not mention that bit…no, no…

Then there’s the idea about immortality…why work out what it is to live, when I can never die?! Now, I’m not so much talking about actually living forever…although that would be great, and if anyone has a secret potion they’ve been working on I’d be a willing patient! But no…I am speaking of self-expression, creating a legacy that will succeed you long after your death. This may be through art, scientific discovery, politics, business…whatever really. Basically anything that inflates your ego and makes you feel a little less like a minute speck of nothingness in a vast and uncaring universe…bleak I know. But it is, what it is…

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Not a happy camper.

Yeah…and I guess the last option is to just check out altogether…but if you do that you are missing out on the potential joy and ecstasy that life can bring…as well as the harrowing lows which despite being awful, can in turn provide a deeper perspective and understanding of what it is to be alive, and what it is to be human…

I suppose, all we can do is look for ways to flavour and make the most of our life right nowafter all they say “variety is the spice of life”, and I believe it. You should seek out new passions, new friendships, new adventures, and new meaning…expand your mind, and open your heart. But errr…make sure you take it with pinch of salt, as none of us get out alive after all…* 

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~~~

Unless you have that immortality potion thing*, in which case EMAIL ME. Cheers in advance Dr. Controverso! 

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I’m 24.

It’s my birthday, and I am 24 years old. Why does that sound like an AA meeting, or something? Like  a confessional? Because I’m not bummed about it by any means – in fact I think I like the sound of it a lot better! It’s a kind of in between age like 23 is, still on that cusp…still uncertain, but certainly nearing the rank of legitimate adult. Rather than you know, man-child status, which is what I feel like I have at the moment!

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So what does 24 even look like? What should I expect? In all honesty I think I just want things to continue on the path they seem to be going…because I have faith that there is a lot of positive stuff in store. And I’ll be honored to have you all along with me for the ride! For all the thrills, and spills, for all the bumps, and…lumps? Urgh, errrr…well maybe we’ll ask the doctor about that one –

But anyway! If you are looking to get me anything for my birthday – then a homemade savoury pie of some description would be great! Or you know, share  one of my stories you enjoy with the world…either, or! Pie is naturally preferable though! Here’s to another year, much love to you all – cheers! 

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

What is Success?

“What is success?”

And I know, I know…everyone has a different version of the definition – apparently...but we are all people, and for the most part this drives us to want the same things. To love, and be loved…to have a purpose, and a core motivation…to eat an entire family sized lasagna by yourself without being sick. See, that’s probably just me with that last one. But yeah, the question does confuse me – and if I don’t fully understand what it means to be successful, then how will I know when I have reached this grand milestone?

You see at the moment I feel like I have graduated from the meager caterpillar stage…wandering around aimlessly, just consuming everything – with no clear direction…and now I am in the chrysalis stage, locked away in my bedroom cocoon, beavering away…with the hope that I will somehow magically burst into life, like a vibrant butterfly, and spread my wings. Confident, and suave…the Kanye West of comedy writing.

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Precious, ey? Well, although it would be lovely if all that were true – and trust me, it’s what I like to tell myself during my various conversations with, well…myself. I don’t think it is what life is like. Not really. Although it isn’t a sleek, or glamorous metaphor; I reckon we are a lot more like the snail.

Yup. We just mosey on along…pulling along all of the baggage that we accrue day after day…yes, the moss…the dirt…it builds on top of us, but we keep on going, we absorb it…it becomes who we are. 

We can look back at any time, and see the trails that we once took, glistening behind us. Often we went the wrong way, repeated back on ourselves, or looped, and looped, with no clear purpose. But we are still here – and the only real decision is…where are we going now? 

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Well to success of course! Alright…but which way’s that?

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5 Things That Define Me.

I got an email out of the blue recently, with a rather intriguing question – the person wanted to remain anonymous (which is fair enough!), but said they were more than happy with me answering publicly on a blog post! 

The question was a lot longer, but in essence boiled down to – “what are five things that you feel defines you as a person?” Now, I’ll admit it took me a while…but after some soul-searching, and head scratching, I think I have a roughly formed answer…so, here goes…

1. Sense of Humour:

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This may be an obvious one to most, but I feel that my sense of humour best defines who I am…it’s in lots of ways my coping mechanism in awkward situations (that old stereotype), but in others I feel it serves to simply make my outlook brighter – as by making others laugh, as well as myself – it boosts my overall state of mind…and makes me feel healthier, and happier in the process. Naturally this site has taken that to the next level, and has worked wonders.

Wasn’t going to say this – but whatever – as someone who has secretly felt deeply depressed, and on  the brink of bi-polar disorder the past couple of years…my sense of humour has provided that light at the end of the tunnel.

Think of all of my stories, without any of the humour…they would just be inane ramblings about how fucked up, and horrible the world is, right? They would be just post after post, of how miserable I find my existence.Well, that was me, I’m embarrassed to say…so I guess I am starting things by saying thank you. 

Anyway, back to the jokes, here’s the next one:

2. Fashion Sense:

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I’m not saying I am a diva, or anything of the sort! I don’t even follow trends for the most part, I just know what I like, and I like what I wear! It wasn’t always that way…Linkin Park hoody here…shaven head there…but after a few years of copying styles, and trying to fit in…I am finally at a point where I just don’t give a shit about all that.

Still wish I had more money so I could splash out a lot more, but for now I just have to Gok Wan it, by switching around stuff to make “fabulous” outfits. And yeah…I do like shopping…if that’s weird, then so be it, man!

3. Love of Food:

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Listen – I tried the whole healthy eating thing, I kinda still go to the gym (ish), but I just can’t deny the bond I have with food. I’ve tried, and I’ve failed. What can I say? I can’t live without it! 

It must be love…as my old Grandmother used to say every time she was feeding me, “It’s like stuffing a bloody couch with you!”  But then again, if I ever declined food she said I was, “turning into one of those anorexics!” 

So hmm…couldn’t ever win. Whatever the reason, food is my soul-mate…my BFF.

4. Hip-Hop:

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Yeah, I get that look a lot. But music is a big part of my life, and although I love a whole host of stuff from other genres (your favorite artists included, perhaps!) Nothing has touched my soul like hip-hop has…and no, not so much the, bling-bling, yo-yo-yo, etc, etc, type (that’s my parent’s perception of it largely!) But instead I am talking about the early Outkast stuff, Talib Kweli, The Roots…Big KRIT…and so many more, clever wordsmiths, who touch on so many issues, and subjects the world can resonate with…if they just listen...all with a sense of humour and wit, without making the song “jokey”, or cheesey…they speak of a desire for something greater, about the work-ethic required to get there – and how true happiness has to be the goal to feel accomplished. There isn’t anything else like it, for me.

Oh, and yeah I did once think I would be a rapper (in my head only), but I then had a re-think, once I considered the fact you’d have to go up on stage…and in front of people…and…all that…MC RedCheekz…DJ Purrz-Piration…

Don’t really have a ring to it…oh well. 

5. My Mind:

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So much of the human condition in itself is lived through our minds…that in itself, is fascinating to me. I just love the thought of everyone having this rare, and intricately unique tale to tell…and everyone having their own personal view-finder for the life they live. I live in my head, as I am sure lots of people do – thinking through just about everything, and every variation of every subject that pops up in there…my head is basically like a computer with a virus…except I am not sending in Norton any time soon…I am just doing my best to make sense of the pop-ups. 

The novel I am writing at the moment, explores this to the extreme…through the view of a deeply disturbed character. His actions, and his life itself blurs into each other – which has me intrigued…as when I consider this…so does my own. 

~

What about you then? Which 5 things define you? Have a little think – and let me know! Thanks again for the question…really made me think!

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