I remember seeing the little warning notes on plastic carrier bags as a kid…something along the lines of ‘To avoid danger of suffocation, keep away from babies and children!’ And like most people (I imagine) I thought “DURRRRRRRRRR! Why must people constantly be told what is glaringly obvious?!”
Well…hmmm…about that one…
Today I wandered into a classroom to be greeted with a strange figure donned in a rough and ready hood:
The mysterious character had pulled tightly around the neck, and had been amusing others by sucking at the plastic from the inside, so that it moved on the outside for all to see…hilarious, and captivating I’m sure! But now the airflow had been cut off altogether, and the hooded individual was wailing in a high-pitched tone, whilst belligerently banging all over the room in a bizarre attempt to fumble his way to safety…
…I ran up in total worried parent mode, and very nearly exclaimed: “you fucking stupid bastard!” but I didn’t want to be a hypocrite, and simply point out the blatantly obvious. Instead I clawed like a rabid dog at the plastic of the bag, piercing through with my barely there fingernails…creating a mouth hole so the kid wouldn’t, you know…die! That’s when I felt the gross slimy breath on my hand, and the saliva build up inside…disgusting…but the whimpering had stopped, and had been replaced with a vague, rather awkward laughter…
But I didn’t find it funny at all, I know I know – total DAD alert – but I couldn’t help it. I just kept asking over and over; “why would you do that? WHY? What were you even thinking?!” and other questions of that ilk. Naturally I just got blank stares, as the daredevil/absolute moron continued to breathe like a wheezing old turtle.
I mean, this was the first time in all my years I had ever seen anyone disregard the rather well-documented plastic bag warnings and proceed to jam it over their heads, in a “haha – aren’t I dangerous?!” kinda way…I sometimes wish I could be down with the kids, and chuckle at these things along with them – but I can just see the news headlines now!
‘TEACHER CHEERED ON AS CHILD SUFFOCATED HIMSELF TO DEATH WITH A PLASTIC BAG HE PROVIDED. CLAIMS IT WAS “JUST A BIT OF A LAUGH” AND DIDN’T CONSIDER IT DANGEROUS.’
Long headline like, but I am sure you get the picture – it doesn’t read well! So I have to continue with the adult facade…probably for the best, just this once.
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John Lee Taggart 
Some people are so ridiculous! It wasn’t a DAD move it was a I’m going to save your effing life move haha. He should be grateful you were there!
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.I felt like a square for breaking up the fun, but yeah…had to call time on that game haha!
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LOL! “What where you even thinking,” is the wail of every mother’s heart. That often applies to the grown up boys, too 😉
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I heard that so much growing up! And yes, fair point hahaha!
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Party poooper alert! But you did save his life. Don’t worry, He’ll be grateful in a couple of years. Hopefully.
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I know, such a buzz kill 😉
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OMG, I totally understand your reaction. I would have been right the same… except… I would have called “you fucking stupid bastard!” or something similar. What a shock!
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It was a desperate few seconds!!
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I completely hear you, John!
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I think you could get a better headline than that, how about “Child suffocates himself, Teacher blames Darwinism” 🙂
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Growing up in the 1960’s,I could appreciate this short scene from Mad Men. The moms were more worried about their dry cleaning ! https://youtu.be/bbgSFzpN5FA ☺ Van
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What a palava though!
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You held your composure and did the right thing. That is not always easy.
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He would have more fun if you cut out the end corners and make him wear … Viola–a fashionable swimsuit! 😎
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we had friends over once…. when my oldest was about 4, theirs was 1. They were with us, but out of sight for mere moments. We looked in on them, to find my daughter happily placing a plastic bag over their childs head. Not a great moment. And sadly, my 14 year old has attempted this very same trick in front of my current 5 and 2 year olds…. mistakenly thinking he is hilarious, making the plastic suck in and out of his mouth. sometimes, it’s really hard to keep them alive…..
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