FASCINATION with Celebrity…

I speak on the crazed love of all things celebrity…and why this may not be the best thing…

What are your views on this blind fascination with celebrity?

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn

www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101

Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Unpretty Cheater with Brother!

You may or may not know, that there is a new hit talent show in South Korea named ‘Unpretty Rapstar’…it’s an interesting concept as (I assume) it centers more on talent, and less on looks – which is somewhat of a big deal in a country that’s so focused on the importance of physical beauty.

The girls still look attractive to me, but never mind…

CHeetah GIF

Anyway in one of my tutor classes last week, my 13 year old student brought it up – and I was over the moon that for once I understood the Korean pop culture reference! We had a broken conversation about it for a little while…before his eyes lit up, and his arms begin to flap frenetically like a mad baby chick attempting to fly the nest! Clearly he had something to say, something urgent! 

“Myyy…myy…ARGH! MY…hmmm…” 

(There was obviously a violent joust going on inside of his head, as he attempted to force an English description out of his mouth! But what? No idea…but I knew one thing… it certainly seemed interesting…whatever it was…)

“ERRRR…BROTHER…OLDER…AAAAARGHHH!”

Harry Frustration GIF

“Your older brother? You mean, older friend?” 

“YES, YES! Older brother…with…together…AARRGHH!” 

He took to his phone, in search of further assistance – and within seconds pulled up a photo of the show…and then pointed out one in particular – to which I nodded; signifying I sort of recognise her…

“OLDER BROTHER…WITH…”

“Yes, YES?!” 

(I was clinging on to every single word!)

“CHEAAATER!”

Cheeetah GIF

“WHOA! Really?! Together…but cheated?”

“YES!!!”” he screeched, clearly happy with my overzealous reaction,

“Before…before show – with…now…CHEATER!”

I tried to hold my ooohs, and aaahs – my huge gasps of shock at the tabloid smut news! I had just received a major scoop – which is such a turn around; as for once I was one of the in-the-know people, rather than the last-to-know people! I didn’t really know what to say, or do…so I just shook my head, and kept saying something dumb like…“that’s crazy! How crazy! …that’s crazy!” 

“Yes! Crazy!” he repeated,

That’s when he ran another search, and placed his phone in my hands for a second time…yup, and there she was – the guilty party, still looking smug, and self-confident…unbelievable, the things fame does to people…jheez… 

But my excitable student wasn’t finished just yet, as he then pointed towards the text below the image…which read something like: ‘Unpretty Rapstar: Cheetah’…

(Ahem…yes, the penny had well, and truly dropped!)

Nodss GIF

“CRAZY, CRAZY! My older brother…with, no…SAW – Cheetah! On show!”

“Ahhhh, right. Wow…that’s…erm…mhmmm! That is…something…”

So yeah, it turns out that the true story was a lot less dramatic – and in reality it was all down to another rather typical misunderstanding…very sorry Cheetah…I’m sure you’re a lovely lady really, and not a cheater! Good luck with the show…

…AND STAY AWAY FROM MY BROTHERS!!!

www.facebook.coms/storytimewithjohn

www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101

Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Go Compare…

I don’t know what it is…but I can’t help it – it’s hard to resist…and the easy access makes it all the more simple – and therefore all the more difficult to avoid…

I’m talking about comparisons. What did you think I was talking about? Anyway….yeah, it’s like an addiction of sorts – fuelled by the little cartoonish angel, and devil that sit on either side of my slouched shoulders…neither of them are helpful if I’m honest…

Angel Devil GIF

Devil: hehehe! Look John, LOOOOK! Check out his wikipedia…by 21 he was doing comedy shows around the country, what are you doing, huh? Huh? hehehe…just quit now – and eat some cake.

Angel: Oh, don’t listen to him! Look! Look! Check out his story…he was addicted to heroin until his late 20s, you’re doing great…in comparison…sort of…but if you don’t make it – then…well yeah…heroin?

Thanks guys, but kindly fuck off – will you?! 

www.facebook.coms/storytimewithjohn

www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101

Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

I’m Kim Yuna!

The kids always ask me what my Korean name is – and so I always wind them up by saying it’s Olympic gold medalist “Kim Yuna”…they get freaked out, and I act all surprised as to what the problem is…

“WHY?! Huh?! What do you mean?! My name is Kim Yuna!”

…well yeah, suppose I should have expected this little portrait of myself! 

Kim Yuna

www.facebook.coms/storytimewithjohn

www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101

Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Batman Returns

You may not expect it, but as a kindergarten teacher – you have to be VERY aware of what you wear, on a daily basis. If you just slap on clothes, without a second thought…you are asking for trouble!

Awful Wear GIF

Case in point, today I haphazardly threw on a Batman t-shirt, under an open shirt – without really thinking! I just thought it would be an ordinary day…how wrong I was! You see what ensued was an uncontrolled brazen assault by just about every child that spotted me – I had a target on my back! Well, you know…chest…but you get what I mean. They would come up, and attempt to beat me down with their chubby little fists – or attempt sneak attacks from the rear…which were very unwelcome, let me tell you that straight away. No one needs that kind of surprise, especially so early in the morning…the phantom fingers of death as you try to wash your hands…

Jonah Shock GIF

WOWWWEEEE! PLEASE DON’T!

Usually I dress differently, not for any real reason other than I wear what I like to wear – which just so happens to be shirts, ties, and blazers. I’m sure I look quite odd, a little out of place for a kindergarten teacher…who should probably be wearing a rainbow sweater, with like HAPPY UNICORN CHOCOLATE WISHES! Or something like that, written all over it! But no, it’s not really me.

Mind I totally understand where Batman is coming from now, especially the Christian Bale incarnation…not that I am saying I am like him or anything…although we do have the same chest, abs, and biceps…kinda...if you are in the right light…on the right day…HEY IT WAS JUST CHRISTMAS, NO FAIR! But yeah I can relate, I totally get why he was so pissed off all the time, and why his voice was so croaky…it was probably from all the Korean kindergarten kids jumping on him whenever they saw him, prodding him in every orifice – all the while he is screaming in failing desperation “NO, NO, NOOOO!”, but it’s no use! And he has now yelled so much that his voice starts to become crackly after time. He tries drinking honey, and lemon water…but it’s no use.

It would get to you after a while I’m sure. Short version of all this; I’m Batman, basically…but yeah, don’t tell the kids!

Party Hard Batman GIF

 www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn

Wiz Khalifa (Honesty)

So there is some news out… if you can call it news, actually I don’t think anyone calls TMZ news – just new fictional stories spun into almost believable headlines. But anyway, yeah; there is a story flying around that (SHOCK, HORROR!) a rapper by the name of Wiz Khalifa has cheated on his wife, Amber Rose. Naturally this is everyone else’s business, and until there are facts from both camps we are just forced to listen to any wild theory that a random person may pluck from the air any given day…Wiz Khalifa insisted on bathing in gravy every day, Amber Rose would only let Wiz wear bacon in the house, Wiz refused to talk in English with her – instead creating his own impossibly intricate language which made communication impossible….and the list goes on, well my imagination goes on – which is basically the same thing when it comes to celebrity gossip news nowadays.

Cage GIF

It seems that there was cheating…possibly on both sides, but maybe not – he was on tour, and was all “what happens on tour, stays on tour!” but then forgot, and decided to have sex with two biological twins in the master bedroom…Amber had mixed feelings about this when she walked in on the display. Which I kinda get…

I must say I am not obsessed with celebrity culture, actually I largely abhor it…I do think that special people, who do good, or achieve amazing things should be celebrated, and consequently should become a celebrity. But that is not how it works…most of the people I admire shy away from such a side of the lime-light, and continue to impress me with what they do…not with their Miley Cyrus’ scandal, or Justin Bieber styled controversy. Instead, what I am trying to highlight is something quite stupid that has irked me for some years…I would love an answer if anyone has it…okay here it goes ~

Rappers want to be considered real, right? …we are supposed to believe what they say is fact – which is often difficult, as we wonder how a person has time to move 1,000KG of cocaine between all of the tailored fittings, press conferences, and radio guest spots…but I digress. So if we are to believe what they say as truth…and a rapper is talking about how many groupies he…you know…then how can their spouses be mad? They kind of signed up for that…is this not a huge paradox?!! Or am I missing the point here?! This is how I picture the inevitable arguments between the rapper, and his wife:

“You said you listened to my new song!? You said you liked it!”

“I did like it, I loved it! But that doesn’t change the fact you LIED TO ME!”

“WHOAAAT?! You are INSANE – in the song, I talked about all the bitches I fu-“

“SO?!”

“So I thought that meant I had the go ahead…did you really listen to the song? YOU DIDN’T DID YOU?!”

“I…I…I did.”

“THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?! I AM ONLY DOING WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO! IN FACT I DIDN’T WANT TO, I REALLY WANTED TO JUST SIT AND WATCH TOY STORY – BUT I FELT PRESSURED BY YOU TO BE REAL…SO I…WELL I JUST DID IT.”

“Wait..ah, that makes sense actually – good job, proud of you honey.”

Wiz GIF

Case in point guys, this is from Wiz’s new album, taken from a track called The Sleaze: “My job is sleazy, it’s way too easy, Just got the newest thang, get it with ease, hopped up out the bed, did it with sleaze.” The man may be lots of things, but he is not dishonest – in a genre filled with fake thugs, false gangsters, and lots more…he stands as a guardian of all that is truthful. He is a dirty, cheating scumbag sure, but he says it in every song – so no biggie…right? Like I say I would love to go to Egypt,  and see the pyramids, okay? So it wouldn’t be a shock if, maybe a year later – you read a story of mine talking about the time I visited Egypt, and saw the pyramids. Yeah?

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND…ARGHHHH, ANSWERS PLEASE.

Like this story? Then why not like the Facebook page?http://www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE!

%d bloggers like this: