Why Do Men Have to Use Urinals?! (Video Request)

Why is it that it is okay for men to pee in a pot with an audience, but not for ladies? Well, it’s certainly a pretty weird issue…but a one I was glad to delve into (eww)…

What do you think? Don’t be a shy bladder – get involved with the gross debate!

Oh, and if you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Adult/Child: The Battle

I’ve been getting nostalgic regarding my childhood – like most people I think it would be GREAT to be a kid all over again; just to be so carefree, and wild! In this video I mourn over my loss of childhood, and also take a look at some old photos from when I was a kid.

Fun to watch, but the message runs deep for all of us!

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Unfair Stereotypes

Just a random thought here…and, well…you may not completely  understand…but…I feel I may as well pose the question anyway ~ do you think perhaps that animals are a little annoyed by all of the stereotypes linked to them? That maybe they too are sick of the boxes they are often pushed into since birth? 

It’s like…they get no choice in the matter – society just straight away dictates what they should like, and not like…

Bugs GIF

We’re brainwashed into thinking from a very early age that rabbits love carrots, and that monkeys love bananas – but what if that reckoning was only brought about by some skewed, and limited market research…the same kind that often crops up with things like: ‘New study suggests men prefer watching movies, as opposed to reading – I know we only asked twenty people, but from this we can make huge quantum leaps, and over-generalise’ – or you know, words to that effect…

Listen what I’m trying to say is that maybe, just maaaaaybe – not all rabbits love carrots as the powers that be want us to believe! That perhaps some like a slice of steak…a bit of black forest gateau, a serving of Nepalese curry…who knows? And in the same way, maybe not all monkeys adore bananas! Maybe they are sick of having them shoved in their hands day after day…just because one time they said they were delicious – and that was only really to be polite to the host! Maybe in actual reality they much prefer a salami sandwich, with barely any salad – but a ridiculous amount of sauce…

Monkey Sandwich GIF

See where I’m coming from? 

Well I hope so, because the world is rife with these generalisations! For example, do all mice really like cheese? Are you telling me there no lactose intolerant mice? Not one? I find that hard to believe…so think of how life must be for those poor lactose intolerant mice…while all the other mice are having photo shoots with blocks of cheese, they are over in a corner feeling worthless because they have to nibble on plain bread instead, and feel like less of a mouse because of it. It’s not fair. 

But you see it’s animal groups like pandas who ruin it for the rest of the world. As those so-and-sos literally only eat one thing! So incredibly picky…and that spoils it for everyone, as now people see that one stereotype kinda fits, and is actually right on the money – and consequently assume that  all of the other ones are true too! AND THEY ARE NOT! I WISH PANDAS WOULD THINK OF OTHERS SOMETIMES! BUT THEY NEVER, REPEAT – NEVER – DO!

Panda GIF

They just keep nibbling on bamboo – whilst others suffer at the hands of broad, and untrue stereotypes.  Case in point, I used to be good friends with a dog who used to stay well away from bones – hated the things…but loved a nice bit of chicken, and mushroom pie…possibly with gravy, and a side of veggies. Should he have been looked down upon for his so called “life-choices”? Well no, of course not.

Perhaps you see how silly this all is now. End animal stereotypes immediately..

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Horrible Jobs/Horrible Bosses!

Hey friends! This took me a while, so I hope you enjoy it! It’s a little trip down memory lane…a look in at some of the crummy jobs I have had along the way – I could have made it A LOT longer, but we would be here for hours!

So yeah, hope you get a kick out of it – and let me know of any stinkers you’ve had, would love to hear your tales! 

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Up or Down? (THE TOILET SEAT CONUNDRUM)

Since the dawn of porcelain potties there has been a vicious global debate…no sorry, not a debate – in fact I’d say it’s closer to a war. An unholy battle that seems to have no end in sight…relationships have crumbled, families have been torn apart – and billions of toilet seats have been spattered with hostile revenge pee…and for what?

Toilet Explosion GIF

I’d say it’s pride and ego mostly; which has been the unmaking of mankind from the very start of our civilised existence – and just like most of these rifts we will never budge from our own separate barracks, instead telling ourselves over and over that we have it right, and they have it all wrong; in this particular case women want the seat down, and men want it up. It all sounds so silly, and maybe it is…but if it’s so moronic a quandary then why do we have so much trouble overcoming it?

Now this debate doesn’t really affect me as I live alone and poop standing up (I enjoy the challenge) – so I feel I am at a unique position to weigh in for both sides impartially. As we know the main argument from the women’s camp is that they shouldn’t have to touch the bacteria infested toilet seat just because men are too lazy to put it down after use…well this would be all well and good if men absolutely loved touching gross toilet seats that are painted in various people’s faeces – but research suggests they don’t. There have been numerous reputable studies that have backed this up; or at least there probably would be if it wasn’t so glaringly obvious…so alas it seems only a small section of society take pleasure in such exchanges, and they are banished to a very dark and peculiar cavern of the internet – the large majority however find the prospect of handling human waste stained plastic horrifying, and rightly so… 

Vomit GIF

But what can we do? How can we solve this age old dilemma? 

Well, I think like all arguments in life a resolution can only come by making admissions and allowances on each side; a toilet treaty if you will. So this is my proposal as an impartial adjudicator…I suggest from now on we make efforts to meet in the middle, that way things are fair for everyone. What do I mean by this exactly? Well what I’m saying is we should leave the toilet seat in the middle – not up, not down…strengthen those hinges so that it can sort of just hang there awkwardly…that way it is just as inconvenient and annoying for everyone – and no one (not man, nor woman) profits from acts of kindness or outdated versions of chivalry…instead everyone’s toilet time experience is equally as frustrating. This can be one more remnant of a forgotten age of good manners that we cut off, and do away with forever.

But actually…as I make this suggestion I can already foresee a wealth of problems…well one problem really – and that is men and their fondness for peeing on things. Because even if hypothetically we have a utopian middle of the road toilet seat situation…guys will actually see this is a little challenge, sort of like one of those game stalls at the fairground – except even more rigged…after all we don’t have a Super Soaker  as much as we may like to pretend – more of a leaky faucet if anything…better than what the ladies have for sure, but still no sharp shooter…

Cowboy GIF

So where does that leave us then? Well, right back at the start unfortunately. I am not sure there is one acceptable answer, as either side will never back down – if we wanted to blame something then maybe we could pin it on our ultra fast, ultra busy way of living these days…we are so wrapped up in our schedules that no one can afford the half a second it takes to put up/down the toilet seat…in fact it is completely absurd to even suggest anyone undertakes such an exhausting task! But yet, the saga rolls on – and a glimmer of hope remains, hope that someday some visionary like an Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, or a Steve Jobs will come through and revolutionize things for us…but until that day the war will rage on.

Peeology man…it’s a tough one. 

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Lazy Sundays (ARE THE BEST SUNDAYS!)

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

How to WIN/LOSE Arguments with Kids!

There is nothing more frustrating than neverending arguments with kids…especially with adults who don’t really have a clue what the hell they are even talking about (which if we are honest is most of us)…

But I’m here to help. Well, I’ll give it my best shot anyways…

Errrrrr…good luck…

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!