What’s the Point? (Existential Crisis)

Life. We slave away at jobs we don’t care about, or chase dreams that only ourselves can ever truly be invested in…and for what? I mean it doesn’t really matter, any of it – apart from for selfish reasons which in their very essence are dumb and somewhat childlike; they’re all – “I WANT THIS…I WANT TO BE THIS…I WANT TO GO HERE” as we kick our feet, and throw our metaphorical toys out of the pram hoping God, fate, or the universe will cut us a break.

Begging GIF

Okay, but gimme a nice house and a few human beings who think I’m great…

But the fact is I could get ran over by a bus tomorrow – POOF! Gone. Well…not really ‘POOF’ it’s not a magic trick…there would be a lot more moaning, screaming, and guts as opposed to wizardy and showmanship, but still; there would be a brief moment and then I would be no more. People would be all sad for a bit, and then life would roll on. And in the larger scheme of the universe nothing would have happened at all! You see let’s be honest, the Moon would look the other way, the sun wouldn’t care, and Pluto wouldn’t even hear about it! The self-serving bastards…urgh…

So what’s the answer to this depressing situation? Well I’ve googled it and there isn’t a real one, so apologies in advance. Instead all we can do is black it all out with drink, drugs, and/or knitting…well actually just whatever activity it takes to provide an internal padded room that dampens the “YOUR LIFE DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL” screams that can be heard with every waking second of your existence…

Peanut Butter GIF

Actually I’ve looked for peanut butter in Korea and couldn’t find it…so there’s yet another reason to wallow in self-pity.

Anyway, I’m just joshing…sort of. Well not really, all I have said so far is sadly true – but the miserable tone is not, as there is a lot to live for. Yourself for one, and for the ones who love you, and the others who you haven’t even met yet. You can enrich each other’s pathetically bleak window of existence and make the whole horrid thing that little bit easier to bear! Great right? Don’t you just feel like moon-walking on a rainbow right now?!

Sigh. Well, maybe not, but I’m not going to let a little negativity (well, a black hole of depression if I was being honest) stop me…despite the fact I know it’s vain, utterly pointless, and that Pluto doesn’t give a shit I am going to still have my own dreams, and spend each day working towards achieving them. If for no other reason than to retain a shred of sanity at the enormity of it all…

SO TAKE THAT PLUTO! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU EITHER! 

(Unless you grant wishes, in which case I take it all back and let’s meet for coffee sometime soon?)

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“Should I Be a MGTOW?”

Another video request…and a rather controversial one at that – but I feel it’s best not to shy away from these topics – otherwise how will we have conversations that can lead to resolutions?

I was asked what my views were on the relatively new ‘MGTOW’ movement (Men Going Their Own Way)…

I’d love to hear people’s (men’s AND women’s) views in the comment section…maybe you can educate me, I am rather ignorant of everything surrounding this movement, and would like to hear more from both sides…is it something that limits, or aids us as people on this earth?

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Gian’s Questions (Video Request)

Gian linked me to his Small Youtuber Tag video, so I’ve taken on the challenge – and answered a few questions here…if you are new to this site it is a good way to get an overview about me…sort of…not really…

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Really Neat

Thanks to perseshow who nominated me for the “Real Neat Blog Award” many moons ago – sorry I’m only just getting around to working on it now!  The drafts section can be a cold, and unforgiving place…where many, many, posts never see the cold light of day…

 Anyway yeah, cheers! I wasn’t sure what was meant by ‘Really Neat’…I suppose it means cool rather than well organised – as my blog is more often than not, a mad free for all!

But either way,  here are my answers to the questions that were posed:

If you could travel to one place anywhere on the globe, where would you go?

Bugs GIF

Well, next on the list is Japan…probably in a month or two…but a dream destination of mine which some may already know is New Zealand. I almost feel guilty that the sole reason is based around The Lord of the Rings – and that aside from that I have no real knowledge of the place whatsoever. I’m a simple soul really, I just want to put in my earphones with the soundtrack blasting…and wander through the foothills pretending I’m on a quest….after which I will kick back in my hobbit hole, eat some bread, smoke a long pipe, and bathe my unusually hairy feet. Can’t wait.

If you could change one thing about the world, past or present, would you and what would it be?

Work Work GIF

For the sake of keeping this light-hearted I’m not going to mention the holocaust, or slavery – but obviously those, and a number of other human-induced atrocities are the first to spring to mind. Damn I technically just mentioned them…so will move swiftly on! 

Errr, yeah! Lets have fun with this instead, and allow my imagination to wander a little, will you?  If I could change one thing about the world it would be a rather major (and impossible) one…I would change the whole structure of things so that less time, and effort could be dedicated to mindless inane jobs in order to buy the newest plastic pollutant…and more could be put towards people fulfilling their passions. Of course it couldn’t really happen as no one would be so passionate about cleaning a toilet, or emptying a stranger’s bin…but one can dream, one can dream…

What’s your favourite pastime activity?

Writing Slinky GIF

I’ll let you guess…go on, GUESS. No it’s not playing with my slinky, and perfecting the sexy I couldn’t give a shit bed head hairdo! It’s comedy. A rather broad answer, but most things in my life revolve around it these days, which kind of gives me an enormous sense of well-being and purpose. Which is nice. If I’m not writing some humorous stuff, then I’m making videos, or recording a podcast…if I’m not doing any of those then you may find me lazing in bed watching a stand up special…or in a classroom acting the clown with the kids, or perhaps even in a bar someplace laughing with friends over a few beers. Good times. 

What do you think is the greatest hurdle of blogging?

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Well, a couple of months ago I would have told you that the biggest hurdle to blogging is yourself…that if you stick in, and keep on track with it you can be sure to become successful. But that’s not my battle at the moment…you see I am still to this day limited by the WordPress Lynch Mob through the amount of new blogs I can follow/discover – I used to keep up to date with a lot more people. And that’s impossible to do now. I am happy to be here still, but a bit of the zeal has gone as I feel I am being punished for gaining a larger audience. Take whatever wisdom you can from that, if any. 

If you could make a wish come true, would you and what would it be?

Home alone GIF

“If I had one wish, it would be more wishes – DURRR!” Wise words from Kid CuD…and I certainly echo that sentiment! Although for the sake of this post I won’t be a dick about it, and will answer in a more fair way. My wish would be that all of my immediate family, and close friends will permanently be okay financially. Not billionaires, or even over-night millionaires! (Money can change people into Gollum very easily) But yes, it would be just enough that they could pursue any interest they have, without worry…go on any trip at any point – not have to work, but want to work as they are building their own dreams. I know, such a romantic! haha! 

What advice would you give to a new blogger who showed up at your blog asking for directions?

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Jokkkkking! Many do, and in spite of my own difficulties I still think interaction is the best way to build your blog, increase your presence, and most importantly foster good relationships with other cool bloggers! But listen…you have to make sure what you are putting out is GOOD – personally I would rather read a blog that posts once a week, or a month even and was filled with gripping, and entertaining content – than a ten times a day poster that is laden with utter TRIPE. So yeah, work on that…and good luck to you my young padawan.

I think I am supposed to link a few people to this? Well, whatever – check out these trill OGs, they’re my typa people: vanbytheriver,  apestract,  nutsrok

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

Lost Marbles

I think I may have just lost my marbles…not literally obviously – I mean I don’t even own marbles in the first place, so it would be impossible to literally lose them. Also I’m quite careful with things, especially with particularly precious items – and I’m guessing they must be pretty fucking special marbles if people bemoan misplacing them quite so much. And make such a huge hullabaloo even when other people do the same with their own…

So yes…metaphorical marbles. I may have lost mine. Although I must say I wasn’t certain – so naturally I turned to the glorious all-knowing oracle we know and love – The Internet…she had this to say:

Losing Marbles

Well I’m not living under a bridge like poor Jimmy, but I do still feel slightly mad. I left my house today needing a change of scenery, I told myself I’d find a cafe so I could continue. But I didn’t find a cafe…well I did actually, I found several – but I didn’t stop. I just kept walking, and I was like “well, that was a cafe? Why didn’t you go in? What’s going on here?!” But I wasn’t listening to myself, or more to the point – I was, but I was ignoring my own queries every single time I passed a perfectly good place.

Just wandering around, then waiting for the lights to change – and then across the road I’d go, then down a street, then around a corner, and on again…and again, and again…sometimes seeing the same faces of stranger’s – who looked bewildered at having spotted me three times in fifteen minutes. I tried to look like I had direction. Like I had an urgent appointment. A business meeting…a lunch date…something that normal people do…

I feel deranged. 

And all of this was poorly glossed over by the music that trickled out of my earphones. A droning crooning…about hearts falling off things, or into things…or something along those lines anyway. It began to grate on me, so much so that I would shut it off completely, if it wasn’t for the fact I’d hear the world’s external sounds. Better this, than that. 

But where do you buy marbles? All this coffee, and no fucking marble shops – I haven’t even heard of a marble shop now I come to think of it, have you? 

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Aussie Adventures

I have noticed recently that I have been having a lot of readers from Australia! Usually I have a majority readership in the States, and the UK – but recently the Aussie folk have been checking the site out – which is great! 

I haven’t been to Australia (yet), that is certainly one for the future – I do have a dream of visiting New Zealand sometime soon…I want to put on a cape, wander in the hills, and have someone carry around a boombox playing The Lord of the RIngs soundtrack…you know, so I feel like Aragorn

Aragon GIF

Maybe when that happens I will drop by Australia to see you guys! So in preparation, I had a little think, and did a little research – and I’ve came up with a list of reasons your wonderful country is a place I soon want to be writing about first hand.

Warning: the following is probably/definitely grossly inaccurate, so please correct me where necessary…but I gave it by best shot (kinda), so here we are…in first place:

The weather:

Sunny GIF

It’s like always sunny there, right? Which is nice, I can picture myself lying there sunning myself on a beach, or whatever – slapping on some dark oil, and ending up with a beautifully golden glow…people would walk by, and be all; “hey, nice tan!” and I would be all…“yeah, thanks for stating the obvious!” I would show people my tan lines, and they would be amazed at the tremendous force of the sun, which I have managed to harness in order to look ten times better than they possibly ever could.

I mean…yeah, I can picture this, in the most positive realm of my imagination…but this is definitely not what would happen…you would hear instant sizzling, and then I would be mistook for a huge slab of red meat, and promptly thrown on the barbie for the other tanned people to enjoy…ah, the circle of life!

That brings me rather neatly on to my next point:

The BBQs: 

BBQ GIF

Who doesn’t like BBQs?! Well…vegans, and vegetarians, I would imagine...but anyway, as a registered carnivore they are certainly a treat I like once in a while! Obviously I would never be as childish, and downright rude as Zac Efron –  I mean look at this guy…who would even dare? With the hair…and the muscles…and the “I don’t care if you wanted to eat this sausage John, I am using it for a hilarious prank to amuse my friends” look. Pfft.

I actually don’t have too much experience with BBQs…in England we occasionally have them in summer, but then it rains…and everyone runs inside, and eats disgusting burnt meat, that is somehow raw in the middle – slapped inside a now soggy bun. I imagine Australians have it down to an art, so yeah, I am expecting good things…

And what is a BBQ without:

The beer…

Buffy GIF

Who doesn’t like beer?! Well people who don’t drink…and those who don’t like beer…and people who want to blab about yeast all the time…but I find myself in none of those groups, so wooo! Let’s get this party started! Althooooughhhh…I have only ever had one Australian beer, which is unsurprisingly, Fosters. This beer, for want of a better phrase…tastes like stewed horse-piss, (that’s why Buffy is all “PLEASE NO MORE!”)

What do Australians actually drink? That’s what I want to know – so I can join in with the merriment!

Anyway, this is the last draw for me:

The animals… 

Shark GIF

Who doesn’t like sharks?! Well people who have been in shark attacks I imagine. But still, you have to admit they are cool creatures. True warriors of the deep, even though they do get bad press. I would probably befriend one, and all the other sharks would think he was a weirdo…but then at the end, he would jump over me  – and they would make a movie about the whole experience, called “Free Finny” – and they would get Zac Efron to play my character.

There are a bunch of other weird, and wonderful creatures there – a large majority, it seems – which can kill you. For the longest time I thought Koala Bears were little cuties…so you know, at least it wasn’t all bad…but yesterday on National Geographic I saw them attacking each other like maniacs, the vicious bastards! Will I even survive if I go there?! Or will the police find me strangled to death by a Eucalyptus plant?!

EXHALE

So basically guys, I’ll come clean – I have no clue what to expect – my knowledge (if you can call it that), is based on second-hand information, shoddy internet research, and an overactive imagination…so please, do let me know what the REAL Australia is about…hopefully I will be there shortly with you guys! 

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Question-time with John!

Hello there friends of the WordPress world! So just yesterday I asked for questions from you guys for this Q&A post, and you well and truly delivered!

Thank you GIF

Here are 25 of the best questions (in no particular order); the variation says a lot about how weird and/or wonderful you lot are! ~ oh, and sorry if you didn’t make the cut…I had to stop somewhere… ~I still love you, you know that right? RIGHT?! Please don’t leave me…

Continue reading “Question-time with John!”