IS 50 CENT BANKRUPT?! (NAHH!)

Despite his namesake this 50 Cent character is far, far, far from broke. Here I break down exactly what is going on; it’s all clever legal maneuvering rather than Monopoly style madness. Worth a watch:

So what do you think of him then? Smart guy, or total knob? Both perhaps?

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Waka Flocka Flame (USA)

USA – Atlanta ~2011

Naturally while I was in the USA I wanted to soak up as much….errr…culture, as possible! This is my vague aim everywhere I go I suppose, after all before you know it, the trip, holiday, or stay, is over – and you are back in your “ordinary” setting, almost like it didn’t ever happen at all! You are just left with the memories…so why not make ones that are worth remembering? Ones that are unique to the place you momentarily find yourself?

Wale uh huh GIF

Makes sense, right? 

Well, one thing that is undoubtedly HUGE in the USA, particularly in Atlanta...is rap music. So when a friend of mine told me that one of my favourite artists, Wale, would be performing at an intimate venue within the next week – I didn’t even have to mull over whether or not I would be in attendance, it was a simple:”YES, YES, YUSSS!” Or you know…like, words of that nature.  

After all the way he constructs his songs, the topics he touches on, and his overall lyricism, are something which I had deeply admired for some time! My friend told me that an up-and-coming local act, who is popular in the area (Waka Flocka Flame) would be supporting him. I thought this was fair enough. But…I didn’t have a clue who this young chap was, so I did a little research of my own…

Here’s an example of what my search came up with – this is  taken from his break-through track ‘Hard In Da Paint’;

“what the fuck you thinkin’ n***a, I won’t die for this shit – or what the fuck I say – BRICK SQUAAAAAD! – front yard broad day with da SK – BA BA BA BA BA BA BOW!”

Waka Flocka GIF

Alright Mr, Waka, to each his own! And just for the sake of comparison, here’s an example of Wale’s lyrics, taken from his track ‘Bittersweet’;

“understand every imperfection – I just embrace it, and take it in within my essence, with little effort, soon they will respect it – I am the smelling-salt, to whomsoever narcoleptic!”

The astute among you will probably notice that they are two very different artists. But this didn’t stop me from heading there anyway, why not see what the people loved so much about Flocka?! When we arrived there it was packed out, and we could smell those weeds cigarettes things strongly (what are they called? I wouldn’t know..) Anyway, we pushed, and squirmed ourselves awkwardly to the front, and waited it out. I was squished in, and my arms were locked into a T-Rex position…but at least I had a good view. I wouldn’t get to do much dancing, or bouncing, or anything else of that matter – I could probably do a great mime of a bongo player, but that’s about it.

After a couple of, errr, sub-par warm up acts – it was announced that the home-town hero Waka Flocka would be coming out…the place went fucking bananas! It became apparent that most had came to see him, rather than the main act himself, Wale…

Waka Flocka Crazy GIF

Out he popped, bringing ear bleeding bass along with him, it was thumping so loud that I thought my heart was going to burst out of my rib-cage…but with that said it was all a pretty exhilarating display – before long he was diving into the crowd, I didn’t exactly know what was going on but I sure was enjoying it!

There was pushing, and shoving – my arms were free at last! But then some huge sweaty titan had his arm around me all of a sudden…a long slug like trail all across my shoulders, and the back of my neck. It was the man himself! He was shaking his head in a mad frenetic motion, flicking it, and swirling it along to his booming beat. (A bit of one of his deadlock things slapped me in the eye, which kinda hurt, but I didn’t have much time to think about it!) 

Security moved him away, and he pushed on to the other side of the stage – grasping arms outstretched trying to catch a feel. He made it back up to the steps with huge difficulty  – but it’s at that moment that Wale came out. It was kind of weird to have him there all of a sudden, I enjoyed hearing his material, and he is certainly a cool guy in the flesh – but the crowd wasn’t right for it…in fact he kept making apologies, and at one time even said “I know you came here to see Flocka, and don’t know the words to my songs – but just vibe with me anyway”… I wanted to be like “I DO, I DO, MR. WALE – I DOOOOO!” But then I thought I would come off like a goody-two-shoes at school, a teacher’s pet, you know? And anyway, it’s not like he could have heard me amongst all the ensuing crowd madness.

Wale GIF

When the show was over, everyone was grinning from ear to ear – it had been a fantastic night after all. I realised that in the hustle, and bustle I had lost the cap I was wearing..,probably during the whole Waka Flocka man hug dance situation, or whatever you want to call it. I’m not mad or anything, but if he wants to send me a new one, that would be fine with me.

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5 Things That Define Me.

I got an email out of the blue recently, with a rather intriguing question – the person wanted to remain anonymous (which is fair enough!), but said they were more than happy with me answering publicly on a blog post! 

The question was a lot longer, but in essence boiled down to – “what are five things that you feel defines you as a person?” Now, I’ll admit it took me a while…but after some soul-searching, and head scratching, I think I have a roughly formed answer…so, here goes…

1. Sense of Humour:

Funny GIF

This may be an obvious one to most, but I feel that my sense of humour best defines who I am…it’s in lots of ways my coping mechanism in awkward situations (that old stereotype), but in others I feel it serves to simply make my outlook brighter – as by making others laugh, as well as myself – it boosts my overall state of mind…and makes me feel healthier, and happier in the process. Naturally this site has taken that to the next level, and has worked wonders.

Wasn’t going to say this – but whatever – as someone who has secretly felt deeply depressed, and on  the brink of bi-polar disorder the past couple of years…my sense of humour has provided that light at the end of the tunnel.

Think of all of my stories, without any of the humour…they would just be inane ramblings about how fucked up, and horrible the world is, right? They would be just post after post, of how miserable I find my existence.Well, that was me, I’m embarrassed to say…so I guess I am starting things by saying thank you. 

Anyway, back to the jokes, here’s the next one:

2. Fashion Sense:

Style GIF

I’m not saying I am a diva, or anything of the sort! I don’t even follow trends for the most part, I just know what I like, and I like what I wear! It wasn’t always that way…Linkin Park hoody here…shaven head there…but after a few years of copying styles, and trying to fit in…I am finally at a point where I just don’t give a shit about all that.

Still wish I had more money so I could splash out a lot more, but for now I just have to Gok Wan it, by switching around stuff to make “fabulous” outfits. And yeah…I do like shopping…if that’s weird, then so be it, man!

3. Love of Food:

SpongeBob Food GIF

Listen – I tried the whole healthy eating thing, I kinda still go to the gym (ish), but I just can’t deny the bond I have with food. I’ve tried, and I’ve failed. What can I say? I can’t live without it! 

It must be love…as my old Grandmother used to say every time she was feeding me, “It’s like stuffing a bloody couch with you!”  But then again, if I ever declined food she said I was, “turning into one of those anorexics!” 

So hmm…couldn’t ever win. Whatever the reason, food is my soul-mate…my BFF.

4. Hip-Hop:

Hip Hop Hmmm GIF

Yeah, I get that look a lot. But music is a big part of my life, and although I love a whole host of stuff from other genres (your favorite artists included, perhaps!) Nothing has touched my soul like hip-hop has…and no, not so much the, bling-bling, yo-yo-yo, etc, etc, type (that’s my parent’s perception of it largely!) But instead I am talking about the early Outkast stuff, Talib Kweli, The Roots…Big KRIT…and so many more, clever wordsmiths, who touch on so many issues, and subjects the world can resonate with…if they just listen...all with a sense of humour and wit, without making the song “jokey”, or cheesey…they speak of a desire for something greater, about the work-ethic required to get there – and how true happiness has to be the goal to feel accomplished. There isn’t anything else like it, for me.

Oh, and yeah I did once think I would be a rapper (in my head only), but I then had a re-think, once I considered the fact you’d have to go up on stage…and in front of people…and…all that…MC RedCheekz…DJ Purrz-Piration…

Don’t really have a ring to it…oh well. 

5. My Mind:

Mind Funny GIF

So much of the human condition in itself is lived through our minds…that in itself, is fascinating to me. I just love the thought of everyone having this rare, and intricately unique tale to tell…and everyone having their own personal view-finder for the life they live. I live in my head, as I am sure lots of people do – thinking through just about everything, and every variation of every subject that pops up in there…my head is basically like a computer with a virus…except I am not sending in Norton any time soon…I am just doing my best to make sense of the pop-ups. 

The novel I am writing at the moment, explores this to the extreme…through the view of a deeply disturbed character. His actions, and his life itself blurs into each other – which has me intrigued…as when I consider this…so does my own. 

~

What about you then? Which 5 things define you? Have a little think – and let me know! Thanks again for the question…really made me think!

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Wiz Khalifa (Honesty)

So there is some news out… if you can call it news, actually I don’t think anyone calls TMZ news – just new fictional stories spun into almost believable headlines. But anyway, yeah; there is a story flying around that (SHOCK, HORROR!) a rapper by the name of Wiz Khalifa has cheated on his wife, Amber Rose. Naturally this is everyone else’s business, and until there are facts from both camps we are just forced to listen to any wild theory that a random person may pluck from the air any given day…Wiz Khalifa insisted on bathing in gravy every day, Amber Rose would only let Wiz wear bacon in the house, Wiz refused to talk in English with her – instead creating his own impossibly intricate language which made communication impossible….and the list goes on, well my imagination goes on – which is basically the same thing when it comes to celebrity gossip news nowadays.

Cage GIF

It seems that there was cheating…possibly on both sides, but maybe not – he was on tour, and was all “what happens on tour, stays on tour!” but then forgot, and decided to have sex with two biological twins in the master bedroom…Amber had mixed feelings about this when she walked in on the display. Which I kinda get…

I must say I am not obsessed with celebrity culture, actually I largely abhor it…I do think that special people, who do good, or achieve amazing things should be celebrated, and consequently should become a celebrity. But that is not how it works…most of the people I admire shy away from such a side of the lime-light, and continue to impress me with what they do…not with their Miley Cyrus’ scandal, or Justin Bieber styled controversy. Instead, what I am trying to highlight is something quite stupid that has irked me for some years…I would love an answer if anyone has it…okay here it goes ~

Rappers want to be considered real, right? …we are supposed to believe what they say is fact – which is often difficult, as we wonder how a person has time to move 1,000KG of cocaine between all of the tailored fittings, press conferences, and radio guest spots…but I digress. So if we are to believe what they say as truth…and a rapper is talking about how many groupies he…you know…then how can their spouses be mad? They kind of signed up for that…is this not a huge paradox?!! Or am I missing the point here?! This is how I picture the inevitable arguments between the rapper, and his wife:

“You said you listened to my new song!? You said you liked it!”

“I did like it, I loved it! But that doesn’t change the fact you LIED TO ME!”

“WHOAAAT?! You are INSANE – in the song, I talked about all the bitches I fu-“

“SO?!”

“So I thought that meant I had the go ahead…did you really listen to the song? YOU DIDN’T DID YOU?!”

“I…I…I did.”

“THEN WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?! I AM ONLY DOING WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO! IN FACT I DIDN’T WANT TO, I REALLY WANTED TO JUST SIT AND WATCH TOY STORY – BUT I FELT PRESSURED BY YOU TO BE REAL…SO I…WELL I JUST DID IT.”

“Wait..ah, that makes sense actually – good job, proud of you honey.”

Wiz GIF

Case in point guys, this is from Wiz’s new album, taken from a track called The Sleaze: “My job is sleazy, it’s way too easy, Just got the newest thang, get it with ease, hopped up out the bed, did it with sleaze.” The man may be lots of things, but he is not dishonest – in a genre filled with fake thugs, false gangsters, and lots more…he stands as a guardian of all that is truthful. He is a dirty, cheating scumbag sure, but he says it in every song – so no biggie…right? Like I say I would love to go to Egypt,  and see the pyramids, okay? So it wouldn’t be a shock if, maybe a year later – you read a story of mine talking about the time I visited Egypt, and saw the pyramids. Yeah?

I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND…ARGHHHH, ANSWERS PLEASE.

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Rappers in skirts…

Rappers in skirts...

Spot the difference…wait…you can’t! All three photos show three fashionable gentlemen at the top of their game, three guys who are leading the way in hip-hop fashion!

Okay…fine…I admit the picture on the left is me in an apron…but still, close enough right?

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