The Sad Eyes…

I find young children to be very attentive, certainly a lot more than people give them credit for anyway. It’s easy to look at them playing – pretending to be chasing after an imaginary monster, taking out evil ninjas, or goodness knows what else…and think that they are not clued in to the real world in the same way we are. But in actual fact they are a lot more involved in their emotions, and consequently less guarded with them – this is probably because they don’t have all of the usual adult complications, and worries. Well, that’s one of many reasons, but let’s not get into that!

What the hell am I rambling about this time? Alright, I’ll cut to the chase! You see the day that I was just wandering around, in a bewildered daze...I was actually feeling so lost. I am a positive person, or at least I’d like to think so anyway – but I have these drops down to deep, and rather dark depression every, now and again. Sometimes it just pops out of nowhere – like an evil little gnome….kind of…anyway, it whispers things into my ear, and allows for its wickedness to permeate into my living thoughts. Everything becomes tarnished, and everything becomes shitty in my view…a little bit like Cinderella – but in reverse. So imagine I had the fantastic chariot, the clothes, the dream life so to speak…and then this nasty little critter comes along, and suddenly all I see is a fucking pumpkin.

Pumpkin GIF

Not ideal. But anyway, this time around it was to do with the fact I’d just broke up with my girlfriend – we had tried to work out our problems, but they repeated themselves as they so often do. Sometimes you just aren’t making each other happy, and there’s not a lot more to it – just because you want people to change doesn’t mean they do. So this time it is done for good in my head…it’s not so much that I want someone else, it’s that I don’t want to be in a toxic negative situation. I’m certainly not installing Tinder, or hitting the town, and being all “hey good-lookin, how are”…okay, I’ll stop there because I’m making myself cringe. But yeah, I’m not doing any of that. 

I’ve told myself I can focus more on my work, write more – be more productive or whatever…which is a plus…but unfortunately I’m not a robot- so those in between days when you’re alone, those are the ones that sting. Those are the ones that the gnome comes out for…

So come Monday morning I was feeling a little better, but still sad. Still would have much rather just sat in my pants, feeling sorry for myself…listening to one of my favourite “boo-hoo lfe is so unfair to me” break-up songs – front runners are Kid Cudi – All Along, and Nirvana-Something in the Way – the gnome loves them too, they’re horribly beautiful – and make me want to shoot myself in the head.

Blam GIF

But anyway, I headed into school, desperate to not let it effect my time with the kids.  It would be unprofessional, and unfair after all. So, I made sure I was extra-lively, I put on my best Jim Carrey mask, and bounced off the walls even more than usual, my expressions were far crazier, my voices even more weird…the kids were smiling, and laughing – I was doing well, or so I thought until one of the children, Angela – tapped me on the shoulder gently…

“Are you okay?” she gazed up at my face, examining me without a single blink –

“Of course! Today we are going to the PLAY ROOM! WOOOOO!” I replied, with a silly little jig, as the other kids cheered…

“Okay? Really? Teacher…has…sad eyes.” 


Well maybe it’s true…actually it certainly is. But there’s happiness out there, just have to find out where.

p.s. apologies if there aren’t as many posts during this weird time, once I’ve booted the gnome in his face, all will be well in the world again. And services should resume as normal! 

72 Replies to “The Sad Eyes…”

  1. Kids are even MORE in-tune with the emotional ups and downs of others, because from the beginning of life, they FEEL their ways through life, until the adults FORCED them to SNAP out of it, and, they are forced, to grow up too quick…I really DO hope you feel better!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Children tell it like it is…their lives are untarnished, their perspective is pure. They can always spot the real emotion. It’s good to pay attention.

    You have such a positive energy, John, take care of yourself and know that things will improve. Wishing you the best. ☺ Van

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What an attentive kid! I am sorry for the sadness you are going throuhg. There is nothing someone can say. It may sound bromidic but time really heals and the longer it takes the more occasions will show up that lead you into an new routine, a new daily order, be around other people and get new things to do. You are such a joyful spirit in core and you will make this faster than others. To tell from your writings you look in front of you and not back. That is the best way to enter new shores and start over new. Giver yourself time and just cry or be angry when you feel like it (OK perhaps not in Kindergarten). What you feel is part of your history. No need to suppress what you feel. Expressing it helps healing. 💖💕 💖

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It does, that’s for sure – it’s not like I haven’t been through it before, I remember the first time (oh my God! I thought I was going to literally die, hahaha!) This time is different as it was my choice, difficult but necessary. The transition is the difficult thing – a whole different life. But life keeps plodding on, so should I 🙂 I like what you said about just allowing yourself to feel certain emotions…that’s great advice, thank you Erika 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Deep and real. This is sone great advice that i once gave myself. I am usually very critical of myself and take the blame for relationship issues pretty quickly. I also avoid being critical of my wife as often as i can. I remember before i was married i hated dating. I hated the work it took to get to know someone. It took another 4 years before i married my wife now. In that time there was a whole three month break.
      People now compliment us on how happy we are, how in love we seem. In reality we are moving through issues all the time.
      Im glad you decided to cut the ties. Its very hard and you’re never certain of its legitimacy until much later. Because of your belife and trust in yourself you will go so much farther and learn fsr more than you ever could have in toxic waters.

      I would like to say congrats on a hard step forward. You seem like your releasing the negative vibes in healthy spaces. Your self honesty in this situation is admirable and theraputic. As much for the followers as for you.

      – bad ass post is bad ass.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I think that child just kicked that gnome in the head. How wonderful. Did you give her a hug, or is that inappropriate for a teacher (esp a male one)?

    Small note on Tinder: as an entertainment device (not as a hookup or love facilitator), it is excellent. Ppl are unusual creatures. However, it might convince you to enter seminary, as you lose hope in mankind. Proceed with caution.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. haha, yeah it’s always a touchy one!

      I have heard Tinder can be fun, I’m not downing it in any way actually – I just mean that the whole singles thing – I’m not there yet! And I know that is what the kids are up to these days 😀 haha! Maybe next week who knows 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I am from an older generation that would tend to tell you to “suck it up” or “get over it and get moving” but I am aware that these types of homilies have created some unsavory individuals in my time. So here is the old codgers advice. When down in the dumps be extra kind to those around you, look for ways to create happiness for others, be conscious of their well being and do something for them if you can that is positive. You will find that it is catching, and before you know it, the bad times are behind you. Works every time, I guarantee it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s how I was raised too, haha! So it’s always a bit of a conflict – and that’s possibly also why I don’t write about the negative side of things so much. But you’re right do something good for others, and sure enough it comes back around. Great advice John, thanks 🙂


  6. Oh, honey. Believe me when I say that I understand. My own gnome has me crying throughout the day and has the added charm of being an angry little bitch. You are absolutely beautiful inside and out – it shows through your writing, your work with the children, your travels, and, most certainly, you’re ability to find humor in all things. You are not alone and I (and many others, no doubt) are sending you good wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Man, it seems like everyone has been having a rough time, lately! Bummer to hear about you and yours. Unfortunately that’s how life goes, sometimes. I wish you the best of luck in getting past this low state. Being surrounded by wonderful, charming children like that will hopefully help some. =) *hugs*


  8. After reading this, only this phrase entered my mind, it’s from the Bible and thought I’d share it:

    “Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger. ~ Psalms 8:2 ~

    And yes, kids these days know MORE than what we THINK they do. Continually learning that from my own 3-year old son. 🙂

    Hope you feel better soon….


  9. Oh John, u basically are a happy person. I think it is natural that the kid caught you. But I do agree that kids are more attentive than we adults.
    Don’t roam around with those sad eyes. Hope you cope well and come back to normalcy soon.


  10. “Something in the way” by Nirvana is a bad choice to listen to when the creepy gnome comes along. I hope you squash it in its face too! I have a myriad of songs I listen to when the sad creature comes along on my lonely days too, but, there’s nothing like remembering that tomorrow is a new day! Take it one day at a time, champ.


  11. I think that kid would make a great shrink one day 😉 Your eyes are too pretty to be sad. I hope you never forget that you are not alone and that your eyes and heart see a brighter light . When we lose someone significant in out lives, it’s normal to feel that way. Take your time to heal and bask in the goodness of the people around you. Don’t forget to smile because when you do, the rest of the world smiles with you. 🙂


  12. Wise sensitive child. Watch out for her. In the Western World at least, those kids get eaten alive by their peers or adults or life. Then they end up shutting down and wandering around lost and sad looking for a coffee shop that will make it all better.

    Liked by 1 person

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