FUCK SELFIES!

I feel like such a grumpy old man for saying this…but I still hate the whole selfie thing.

Not just like taking a photograph of you and your ice cream (or whatever) and then sending it to your friend all: “haha – you don’t have a fucking ice cream, and I do!” – because of course, that is fantastic and I would never want to deprive anyone of such a perverse pleasure…

I’m not even talking about getting a quick snap of you and your friends together to mark some kind of occasion…actually you know what I have no problem with the selfie in itself at all…

But what I do have an issue with is the non-stop: KA-CHURR! … KA-CHURR! … KA-CHURR! 

Selfie GIF

(That was supposed to be the camera sound on phones by the way; was a difficult one to recreate phonetically!)

You see I’m sitting here in Starbucks – probably (definitely) drank too much coffee, but this person is sitting next to me taking photos at every angle – and has been doing so for over half an hour now. This cafe has basically became her own personal photo-shoot: but why? JUST WHY?! 

I’m trying to see if there is anything special going on…she hasn’t even got one of the festive drinks – you know, the ‘Returning Favorite: Toffee Nut Latte’, perhaps I could understand the Christmas-time excitement in that case – why you would need 3,000 photographs of the same thing is beyond me, but still…actually wait – she hasn’t even bought anything! I thought for a second she may be taking photos of the new red cup – that would make sense it has been somewhat of a fiasco as of late…but NO! She has a carton of chocolate milkshake – which looks great and everything, but what…where have you pulled that from?! Who are you?! (and why aren’t you sharing? Man, it seriously looks delicious).

HUh GIF

The thing is, in Korea the selfie is king. There’s none of the shame surrounding it which I remember back home in England. I always thought that if you were by yourself taking photos of yourself in public non-stop, people would possibly (and quite rightly) – look at you as shallow, self-obsessed and well…entirely narcissistic. Here in SK that is still true, but because of the huge importance looks hold in this plastic surgery obsessed society, it is not considered to be a negative at all…so I am somewhat of a miserable island here, complaining all by myself to anyone who will listen (which is next to no one).

Ah phew, she’s left…rant over – and she didn’t even leave me any of the milkshake…what a so and so!

But what do you think about this: am I spot on or just a grumpy owld geezer who needs to get with the times? Lemme know…

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DARK CIRCLES! (And How to Get RID!)

All you need to know when it comes to getting rid of those pesky under eye dark circles…well, kinda. 

SIDE NOTE: I have no idea what that voice is supposed to be…like, at all…

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Five Reasons to be HAPPY!

Alright guys, I’m done with moping around – I’m done with the feeling sorry for yourself, kind of stuff! So I came up with five reasons that there are to be happy – this should help me, but it should also help you…or anyone else, who is a moany, groany bastard lately!

Enjoy! Oh…and if there are any more reasons – why not share them! Would love to hear ’em! 

If you have a video request you can leave a comment, or send me an email – if it’s a cool/interesting idea then I will get to it as soon as I can!

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Judging (The DON’T Judge Challenge)

There’s something particularly unsettling about the recent #Don’tJudgeChallenge that’s doing the rounds…a trend which purports to be powered by a positive message, but misses the mark in a rather obvious and cruelly ironic way…

Here is the so called ‘best of’ just in case you don’t know what I’m on about (TOP TIP: It’s really unnecessary to watch the whole thing):

So yeah…where to begin? Well how about the start? …this whole bizarre viral trend was born from an arguable desire to encourage others “not to judge a book by it’s cover”...and I think in essence that’s a great thing! But what I can’t quite get my head around is the fact that at its core it’s just people pretending to look comically ugly…to only then reveal that; OH NO NEVER MIND, they are actually rather good looking (and also completely in love with themselves). 

Call me a fuddy-duddy or whatever, but perhaps a true #Don’tJudgeChallenge would center on something other than, errrrrm, judging people based on their looks? Perhaps we could see something amazing that a person has done…whether that be a life-saving invention, a touching work of literature, a heart-warming musical performance, or even helping an old lady across the street – just anything that betters others lives in some way or makes the world a better place to be; then we could see what these people look like…and we’d witness that they are of all colours and creeds, all backgrounds and religions, all shapes and sizes…and appearance would be an unnecessary feature in an otherwise touching narrative.

But that’s not what this trend is about…and you know what it actually feels too glaringly obvious to even point out! I mean, how does this even make sense? These people are actively and obnoxiously judging people based on their looks – highlighting things that they deem to be unattractive or undesirable; spots, moles, scars, glasses, mono brows…the list goes on – and then pulling back to marvel at their own beauty as they rub their face, along with their overbearingly large ego.

How does watching these videos feel for people who have any of these so-called ‘ugly’ afflictions? Probably not great I’d imagine. Or maybe I’m wrong – maybe a teenage girl with cystic acne is watching these videos of people wiping off drawn on spots and suddenly feels fantastic…or maybe she feels put down, demoralized, and even more self-conscious by the self-rightgeous and hurtful movement that is the #Don’tJudgeChallenge. 

But hey, maybe I’m wrong…these are just my thoughts, please don’t judge.

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LOOK UP! (Little Things)

Sort of carrying on from my post about enjoying every day of your life (not just the weekends) with this one…except with this video I am talking about paying attention in life, so that you don’t miss some potentially beautiful moments! 

Of course I touch upon a number of other things throughout this particular ramble – including N*Sync, how amazing grandparents are, confusing baby talk…and much, much more! 

Oh, and remember – any video request ideas – send them over to me! Would be great to hear from you…

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Please buy my collection of stories! Get it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! ALL proceeds go towards Macmillan Cancer Support!

The Greatest Love Story…

I remember the first time our eyes met…it was a cold day in an unfamiliar land, I needed help – I needed support…I needed someone to be there for me…

…that’s when I first experienced the love of the beautiful Bell. She didn’t judge me, she took me for who I was – a penniless rogue filled with a passionate lust, but empty of the money to fuel such an obsession, she didn’t care – she offered all her warmth to me, sharing her fiery temperament – filling me with such glorious sensations that my eyes flickered, and my lips hummed…people warned me against her...they told me I wouldn’t be able to stomach all that she has to offer…some called her trash, garbage…one person even called her a donkey…but to me she was everything, to me she was my one true love.

But all things come to an end – and just as abruptly as it had started, our relationship ended. There was to be no goodbye kiss.

Taco Bell Love

But if you truly love something…then you must let it go…and if it is meant to be, it will be. Today I reunited with Bell. We first met in USA, and now found ourselves back to our old habits in South Korea…as if no time had passed at all…after our meeting I still have those gurgling butterflies in my stomach, that slight nausea…

This time I mustn’t let her get away so easily…

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